Barret vs Cid
By Aeris Gainsborough
"Can too!" Tifa stepped into the main cockpit of the Highwind and saw Barret and Cid arguing ... again. She set down her tray with an exasperated sigh.
"Okay, what're you guys arguing about now?"
"This one-armed freak claims that he can last longer without swearing than me!" Cid answered.
"An this bad-smellin' foo' don't think I can do it!" Barret added.
"Really? Hmm ... how would you guys like to wager that a little?" Tifa offered, smiling at her idea.
"Wager?" Cid repeated.
"Yep. If you win, Barret has to clean the Highwind from top to bottom...," Tifa nodded.
"No prob," Barret snorted.
"Wearing a tutu and everyone gets to watch," Tifa finished.
"A tutu! I ain't doin' that!" Barret roared.
"Sounds good to me!" Cid chuckled.
"And if Barret wins, Cid has to listen to Cait Sith sing without covering his ears," Tifa added.
"%#&^," Cid sighed.
"I don't sing that badly!" Cait Sith insisted.
"Trust me, you do, fuzzbrain," Cid informed.
"And the wager begins ... now!" Tifa announced. At that moment Shera came in with two hot cups of tea. "Ah, right on time!" Cid took his cup and sipped it.
"Ah, sh ... I mean, shoot. This tea's too da ... dang hot!"
"What the he ... heck is this? Cat sh ... um, manuer?" Barret growled, angry that he couldn't swear. He thought the words out in his mind: %&^*, @%*#, +!$^, &%#$*, &%$@!
"%$?, I stubbed my #*&@ toe again! Stupid piece of (*%&!" Yuffie shouted, jumping up and down. She hopped over to Barret and began tickling him. "^%&$, Barret! Why aren't you guys swearing? It's so $#&* quiet in here!"
"Yuffie, get your $*? ^@%( outta here before I kick yer %$#@ all the way back to )#@% Wutai!" Barret shouted.
"Wutai? $^#%, I'll kick her sorry @$^& all the way to the *)%$ moon!" Cid added. The two suddenly realized what had just happened. "%$#& it, Yuffie! You just made me lose the bet!"
"You both lost," Tifa informed, smiling wickedly.
The next day....
"Yuffie, I'm gonna so kick yer $&*@ when this is over," Barret muttered. Cid was trying everything he could to make Cait Sith stop his awful singing while everyone else was cracking up at Barret in a tutu cleaning the Highwind. Even Vincent had to smile a little at the cussing man in a tutu.
"Well, I guess what they say is true: What goes around comes around," Tifa smiled.
Soon to come! Vincent vs Yuffie! (maybe)