Cid's birthday Party
IN AVALANCHE Hq. (Where else?) Cid and Barret are playing each other on Clayfighter 63 1/3 while Cloud, Tifa, Aeris, Red XIII, Yuffie, and Vincent are playing Monopoly while our friend Dav Cole is not planned to be in this fic.
Cid: Hey you #$^!@#$^#$#$ you can't #$%@$%#$ do that!
Barret: I can @#$^#$ well do what I $%^#$% want you #$%^#$ @#$@!!!
Cid: Oh yeah! Eat this! (Performs a special combo and wins the match)
Barret: You @%#$ goddamn redneck!
Cid: Shut up you ^#$^@%@# monkey! (Shoves spear up his @$$)
Cloud: Knock it off you two! (Turns back to Monopoly, rolls die) Three.
Basically it's a typical day in the Hq. Now tomorrow those stupid cows realize that Cid's birthday is coming.
Cloud: Guys we have to do something for Cid, his birthday is in two days.
Yuffie: I know! Let's send him on a one-way cruise to Cuba!
Tifa: Yeah right.
Aeris: I know, let's throw him a birthday party.
Cait Sith: Yeah, with cake and presents and more cake and...
Tifa: That's enough.
Red XIII: Personally I think it's a good idea.
Cloud: By the way where is he?
Barret: He's in Rocket Town tutin' up the Tiny Bronco.
Cloud: All right everyone, let's shop.
Barret: Damn! Again? Stop sayin' it like such a wimp! Can't you say "Let's buy that goddamn redneck some #^#$^$ gifts!" of sumthin'?
Tifa: Just come on Barret. (Pulls him out)
(That afternoon everyone's split up and each searching for gifts, in Wal-Mart)
Aeris: What do you think I should get for Cid?
Tifa: Fuzzy pink bunny slippers?
Aeris: That's perfect! (Put 'em into the cart) What're you going to get him?
Tifa: I don't know, but I'll think of something nice.
Aeris: We'll have to think of how to decorate the birthday cake.
(In the local weapon shop)
Vincent: I believe I'll get Cid a new spear for his birthday, the Venus Gospel is getting rusty.
Yuffie: Do whatever you want. (Yes she's stealing materia)
Vincent: Here's one. (Picks up a spear called the Perilous Pike)
Yuffie: Isn't that name a little corny?
Vincent: .........It's powerful.
Yuffie: Okay that leaves me. (Thinks) Here we go! (Pulls out a summon materia she "picked up" a few days ago)
Vincent: I've never seen that one before.
Yuffie: It's called the "Camel" materia. Smokin' Joe Camel kills the monsters with secondhand smoke.
(In Media Play)
Red XIII: I think I lost Cait Sith.
Cait Sith (On the other side of the store): Here we go!
Red XIII: (Hears him and walks over) You found something?
Cait Sith: You know how Cid loves combat engagements?
Red XIII: yes, why?
Cait Sith: Well, I found him this! (Pulls out a copy of Star Wars: Rogue Squadron)
Red XIII: Very nice. Come over to the books please, I can't pick up what I found for him.
Cait Sith: Alright. (They walk over and Cait picks up a book titled Major Repairs on Small Vehicles (Not the most exciting title in the world I know))
Red XIII: This should help Cid repair the Tiny Bronco.
Cait Sith: Man I wish I were as smart as you were.
Red XIII (Thinking): (Laughs maniacally)
(On the Highwind)
Barret: Watch what you're doin' foo's! I want this hunka junk in top condition when Cid gets back!
Crew: Yes sir!
Barret: Great! (Keeps shoveling chocobo crap outta the stable)
(Outside of Midgar)
Cloud (Driving the General Lee back from the store we get got his gift for Cid): Damn, what did he do to this thing!
Author's note: The General Lee is the modified buggy first introduced in FF7 Roadtrip!!! by Cloud + Cait. The doors are welded shut, the body is bright orange, and a giant confederate flag is painted on top.
(In Rocket Town)
Cid: Goddamit Shera! Hand me the @$%^#%^ wrench!
Shera: (Hands him the @$%^#%^ wrench)
(In AVALANCHE Hq.)
Cloud: well that takes care of everyone except for Tifa.
Tifa: Never mind that Cloud I found something. But what did you get him?
Cloud: It's really from all of us, you'll see it at the party.
Barret: We gonna hafta keep this shit quiet until the party though.
Aeris: You're right.
Vincent: That is if Cid comes back tomorrow.
Tifa: I'll call Shera.
(February 22, the big @$$ day)
(Cid and Shera return from Rocket Town via the Tiny Bronco)
Cid: Aw @$#@! I couldn't repair the damn Bronco. I guess I'll hafta leave it as a #%^$% boat.
Tifa: Don't worry Cid, you'll fix it. (Winks at Red XIII)
Cid: Yeah, but when?
Shera: You're depressed, come with me and we'll have some fun.
Cloud: Yeah you could use the break.
Cid: Hey! Why're you being nice to me all of a sudden?
Shera: You've had a bad week, come on, let's go see a movie.
Cid: I don't want to see a @#%$@# movie. (Lights a ciggie)
Shera: It's Austin Powers.
Cid: What he hell are we waiting for woman! (Runs out pulling Shera and they head for Sector 3)
Aeris: Alright, he's gone.
Cloud: Good, let's decorate.
All: Damn! Again? Stop saying it like such a wimp...
Cloud: All right all right, I get the idea!
(Three hours later)
Tifa: Whew! All done.
Red XIII: Good thing too, the movie's over.
Cait Sith: Here they come! Hide!
(Outside the Hq.)
Cid: That movie sucked @$$!
Shera: Well you did sleep through most of it.
Cid: The best part was Dr. Evil's theme song.
Both: (Singing) I want chicken! I want liver! Meow Mix, Meow Mix please deliver! (Laugh)
Cid: (Opens the door) Hey! Where the hell is everybody!
Shera: (Turns the light on)
All: Happy birthday Cid! (A huge banner saying the exact same thing drops)
Cid: Woah! I can't believe it! You guys actually did this for me?
cloud: Of course. Don't tell me you forgot your own birthday.
Cid: Heh heh... I guess I did.
Red XIII: Not to worry, please bring the cake out Tifa.
Tifa: (Walks out carrying a cake decorated with the Tiny Bronco and General Lee.) Happy birthday. (Pins a medal shaped like the Highwind on him and kisses his cheek.)
Cait Sith: Excitable, isn't he?
Vincent: I wouldn't know.
Aeris: (Hands him her gift): Here, happy birthday.
Cid: (Opens the box with the slippers) Ha! Just in time!
Aeris: Excuse me?
Cid: My old pair just wore out. Thanks a lot.
Aeris: My pleasure. (Hugs him)
Cid: What else ya got?
Cait Sith: Here, open! Open!
Cid: (Opens Rogue Squadron) (Laughs) Thanks a lot Kaitty!
Cait Sith: Don't call me that... HEY!
Cid: (Gives Cait a noogie)
Cloud: I think there's a cheat that lets you fly a '69 Buick.
(One by one each gift is opened, the remodeled Highwind is revealed, and handshakes and hugs are exchanged)
Cid: (Drinking some of the Lipton's Iced Tea out of the two cases that Shera bought) YOOOOO!!!!!!! That's brisk baby!
Shera: Thanks, it's a special formula.
Cid: What about you Spike?
Cloud: Right here. (Pulls out a box)
Cid: Gimme! (Opens it) Heeeeeeeeey! (Pulls out a trophy of Cid with him in his victory position (Spear in one hand, cigarette in the other))
Cid: (Reads plaque) To Cid Highwind, World's Greatest Pilot and Friend. Aeris: That was from all of us.
Cid: Thanks guys. *sniff*
Voice: Hey, you haven't opened my gift yet!
Yuffie: Oh no! (Starts praying) Please let it not be him.
Dav: (Walks in) How can you throw a party without me?
Yuffie: I thought Dyne said he was going to leave you out of this one!
Dyne: I lied! (Laughs maniacally)
Dav: Anyway. (Tosses Cid a heavy package) Here you go pal.
Cid: Damn, what's in this thing? (Opens it) Holy shit! The box sets of the best episodes of the Dukes of Hazard!
Everyone else: WHAT!
Cid: Now I can watch 'em all the time!
Tifa: Dav! You... you...
Dav: Uh oh... (Runs like hell)
Barret: Get 'im!
And so closes Cid's birthday. The quiet streets of Midgar are now littered with noise as the rest of AVALANCHE is still chasing Dav through the city. Happy birthday Cid!
Cid: (Watching the Dukes) Hell yeah! (Opens a can of hash).