Cait Sith's Big BreakCait Sith's Theme (Final Fantasy VII)
When we left our heroes, Cait Sith and Cid had left to srike a deal for Cait's favorite show right after he had broken the TV. Cloud was about to take Tifa to dinner when she was captured by Sephiroth. As well as the fact that...
Dyne: Hey! Who hired you?! You sound like that damn announcer from the Bullwinkle show! I'm taking over the narration!
Cloud awakens to from his trance to find himself alone.
Cloud (calling): Tifa! Come out of there, this is no time for games! Yo quiero Taco Bell!
Chihuahua (the Taco Bell one with that gay @$$ beret): Hey that's my line!
Cloud: Shut up! (Kills chihuahua and calls again)
No answer... suddenly Aeris pops out of an alley.
Aeris (sweetly): Hi Cloud.
Cloud: Yeah hi Aeris. (Calls again) Tifa!!!
Aeris: Hey! Didn't you realize that I'm alive?! Forget that $^#&% (oops) and come with me!
Cloud: Maybe later. (Leaves)
Aeris (crying): It could have been me he wants, but I guess I'm too flat-chested. (Idea pops into her head) I'll get an enlargement and look like Tifa! Then Cloud'll have to notice me! (Skips away)
Author's Note: That wasn't my idea, just filler. Come on, don't have that look on your face!
Meanwhile at Midgar's 2nd fanciest restraunt. Sephiroth and Tifa are having dinner.
Sephiroth: More wine my dear?
Tifa: All right Sephy, I'll follow you anywhere.
Author's note: Tifa is coming onto Sephiroth because (choose one)
A-She's tied to the chair with the Masamune pointed at her heart.
B-Her *ahem* "love connection" with Cloud enables Seph to bend her will also.
C-She doesn't give a damn who it is, she wants a date!
(Answer in Part 3)
Back at AVALANCHE Hq. The Turks are muttering over Reno's alcohol problem.
Rude (to Elena): I think Reno is a little too attached to his booze.
Elena: (Nods as they watch Reno lick up the spilled bottles of Tequilla from the floor)
Reno: Ow! $&$#! Another piece of glass in my tongue!
Elena: You know I do have the number for AA.
Reno: Shut up! (draws pistol)
Downstairs, Barret, Red XIII, Yuffie, and Vincent continue to try to repair the TV. (Explosions are constantly heard)
#%$($^*#^&)@#($^*^*($)%%*&(%&*($&*)! It's no damn use! Have ya found anything Red?
Red XIII (reading owner's manual): Here... "In case of TV screen shattering and failed repair attempts... lose all hope and buy new TV..."
Yuffie: The warranty HAD to expire yesterday...
Meanwhile Cid and Cait Sith are speaking to the producer of...
Cait: Don't say it! Everyone'll know and that'll ruin the surprise!
Sorry. (Then again if anyone read part 1 they already know)
Producer: Okay Mr. Sith, you seem to fit all of the qualifications. Cute, smart, loveable, former drug addict. Yep. youíre perfect!
Cait Sith: YES! (Starts dancing)
Cid: Wait a damn minute! Whatís the pay?
Producer: Mr. Highwind, I will discuss his salary with you another time.
Cait: Iíll do it anyway!
Cid: S**t man, shut up!
Cait Sith: I wanna do it!
Producer: Fine, please sign here. You too Mr. Highwind.
Cid: (Muttering curses you wouldnít want to know)
Producer: Very well, please report here at 6 AM.
Cait Sith+Cid (horrified): 6 AM in the morning!?
Cid and Cait leave. Meanwhile back in Sector 7, Cloud is still looking for Tifa.
Cloud(thinking): Okay, Tifa just disappeared, so it has to be someone evil like the Sesame Street characters...
Cloud collides with a young man in his late teens with brown hair and grey eyes.
Man: Hey, watch it! Wait... are you Cloud Strife?
Cloud: Yea, whoíre you?
Man: Dav Cole, (Authorís note: Here he is for those of you who read FF7 in Hawaii) monster hunter and treasure hunter.
Cloud: How do you know about me?
Dav: A friend of yours told me, Aeris.
Cloud: Aeris! What does she want now?
Dav: She didnít say, just meet her at Midgarís fanciest restraunt in a week.
Cloud: Damn, anyway can you help me?
Dav: I suppose, whaddya want?
Cloud: Iím looking for antother friend of mine. A girl, long dark-brown hair, white blouse, leather mini-skirt, her name is Tifa.
Dav: Oh yeah, I just came from Midgarís 2nd fanciest restraunt and I saw her there with a tall, silvery-grey haired man.
Dav: Yep, Iíll help you stop him.
Cloud: Huh? What the hell could you do?
Dav: Two words "Justice Slash"
Cloud: Which is...
Dav: My Limit Break! I slash about 20 times and then throw the enemy into the air!
Cloud: Then I could use Omni-Slash and do extra damage from there!
Dav: Exactly what I was thinking!
Cloud: Sweet! Letís go!
Cloud and Dav head toward the restraunt while Barret, Red XIII, Yuffie, and Vincent look in Future Shop for a new TV. (Authorís Note: I hate Future Shop so if you like it donít read this next part.)
Barret: Damn, howíre we gonna pick from nuthiní but this pile of s**t?!
Yuffie: As long as we can lock out the Dukes of Hazard, I donít care!
Red XIII: Hereís one, wow, a semi-decent price.
Yuffie: Cool! Letís take it!
Barret: Hey, whereís Vincent?
Vincent (Carrying a Playstation and Castlevania: Symphony of the Night): All set!
Red XIII (muttering): Vampires, theyíre all alike.
The group pay for their stuff and spend all night figuring out how to hook up the TV, finally at 8 AM they do so. (Cloud and Dav are also lost while Seph and Tifa are chatting the night away so donít worry about missing that part)
Red XIII: All set!
Yuffie: Great! Letís try it out!
Vincent: Hey! I want to play my game!
Barret: When weíre done fooí.
Vincent: Now I know why Cait wanted to get you guys away.
Barret: (Turns on TV)
TV: (Plays the Sesame Street theme song)
Yuffie: Crapola! Itís as evil as the day is bright, itís Sesame Street! (Runs around in circles) Change the channel!!!
Red XIII: Wait, is that Cait Sith?
Barret: Damn man, heís on TV!
Vincent: So he made it after all.
And so ends part 2. Will Cait succeed (more importantly will Cid get paid)? Will Vincent get to play his game? Will Aeris get her rendevouz? Will Sephiroth be defeated (no question there)? And will Reno get the glass outta his tongue? Stay tuned for the finale...
Dyne: It's kind of ironic, I was typing this with a complete Cait Sith hater in the room.
Read Part 1 Read Part 3
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