Final Fantasy VII: FF7 on Poke'mon Island
The sequel to "Nightmare at Gold Saucer"
by: Dave (Cloud)
(Inside the Highwind)
Cid: Pilot, you suck!
Cid: Geez, I was just kiddin'
Cloud: Hey, Cid, Cait's friend is messing with your Dukes of Hazzard tapes again.
Cid: That little f**k!
Cait Sith: That's the spirit!
Cid: Can't you tell that f*****g friend of yours to stay the hell away from my tapes?
Red XIII: Your friend also peed in my water bowl this morning!
Vincent: Yeah, and he video taped me and Yuffie getting it on... ooooops!
Cloud: Hahahahaha! Vincent likes Yuffie!
Vincent: Shut up!
Barret: You like Yuffie? Damn you MUST be desparate!
Vincent: She's hot!
(whole crew pukes)
Cid: (charging in his room) Get the f**k away from my tapes you stupid d**k!
Cait's friend: Tequila man! (drops the tapes)
Cid: NOOOOOO! My tapes! My tapes! My f*****g tapes! (holds the broken pieces of his tapes as he starts crying)
Cait friend: Tequila man!
Cid: That's it! Your tequila is history!
Cait's friend: NO! Not my tequila!
(Cid runs into Cait's friend's room and smashes all his tequila bottles)
Cid: HAHAHAHAHAHA! You don't have anymore tequila!
Cait's friend: (in an angry voice) Tequila man! (runs to the bridge and pours tequila all over the controls)
Pilot: Captain! I've lost control of the ship! We going down!
Barret: (smacks Cait's friend over the head with his gun) You damn tequila drinkin' hippie!
Tifa: Cloud hold me!
Cloud: With pleasure! (grabs Tifa's @$$)
Vincent: Yuffie where are you?
Yuffie: I'm here, Vince! (falls in the engine)
Cloud: Vincent! Don't worry about her! Grab on to something!
Vincent: Okay! (grabs Cait Sith's tail)
Cait Sith: Get away from me you f*****g queer!
(Highwind crashes on Poke'mon Island)
Cloud: Where are we?
Scary Monster: (jumps out of tree) WHA HA HA! You have entered the zone of d... wahhhhhhh!
(Sephiroth falls out of the tree)
Sephiroth: Yes, it is I, the great Sephiroth!
Cait Sith: Your not great! Your a pansy!
Sephiroth: So what if I am? What are ya gonna do about it huh?
Barret: We're gonna kick your sorry ass, again!
Sephiroth: Listen, I'm not here to fight! I'm trying to have a peaceful vacation but these annoying little b*****ds keep bugging me! If you want, we can join sides and wipe there sorry @$$s off of this island!
Cloud: Sounds like fun!
Tifa: I'm all for it!
Vincent: But what about my Yuffie?
Sephiroth: You like Yuffie? You must be desparate!
Vincent: But she's hot!
(whole team and Sephiroth puke)
Cid: Listen, I'm gonna stay here and fix the Highwind and when I'm done with it, I'm gonna kick someone's sorry @$$!
Cait's freind: (throws tequila bottle at Cid but it hits Barret instead) Tequila man!
Barret: You little f**k! I'm gonna shove this gun up your @$$! (Barret shoves his Missing Score up Cait's freind's @$$)
Cait's friend: Tequila! Tequila!
Red XIII: Talk like a real person you f*****g d**k! (bites him in the leg)
Cloud: (hears noise from a nearby bush) What the hell was that!
Barret: Let's find out! (shoots into the bush)
Mysterious Person: Oww my @$$!
Cait Sith: You like shooting people in the @$$ don't you?
Barret: Yeah so?
Cloud: You've been playing too much Goldeneye!
(mysterious person reveals himself)
DiCrapio: Ha ha! It's me!
Cid: I thought Ruby WEAPON took care you, you f*****g @$$hole!
DiCrapio: I'm back to get my revenge and this time, I've brought some friends with me! (Poke'mon come out and reveal themselves)
Sephiroth: Those are the s**tty little creatures that have been bothering me!
Pikachu: (walks up to Cid) I'm Pikachu!
Cid: I don't give a f**k!
DiCrapio: It's not nice to talk to my friends that way! (moons Cid)
Cid: AHHHHH! I'm blind! (collapses on the ground in shock)
Tifa: (runs up to Cid) Cid, snap out of it!
Cid: Are you my mommy?
Tifa: Hell no!
Cid: Duhhhhhhhhh! Come here mommy! I want some Cheerios! (statrs chasing Tifa)
Palmer: (appears out of nowhere) And don't forget the lard!
Cait Sith: Shut up, fat @$$! (throws megaphone at Palmer)
Palmer: (megaphone hits him in the head and he dies) Dammit!
Sephiroth: (turns to Cloud) What is it with him and lard?
Cloud: It's probably because he's made out of it.
Cid: (walks up to Barret) Are you my daddy?
Barret: Shut up you f*****g monkey! (smakes Cid over the head with the gun)
Cid: Uhhh... What happened?
DiCrapio: I'm gonna rule the world! Poke'mon, ATTACK!
Cait Sith: Yeah and who's your queen, Richard Simmons?
Vincent: Hey, look what I found! (grabs a box of nukes)
Cloud: Gimme those! (takes one out)
Cloud: Here we go! (Poke'mon theme kicks in)
Everyone: Gotta nuke'em all! Gotta nuke'em all! Gotta nuke'em all!
Tifa and Yuffie: POKE'MON!
Vincent: Yuffie, your alive!
Red XIII: Oh great, that's all we need!
DiCrapio: You'll never defeat the Poke'mon!
Red XIII: Wanna bet? (lets a big fart out and vaporizes 30 Poke'mon)
Cloud: That kicked @$$!
Red XIII: There's nothing like a big fart after eating 20 burritoes!
Sephiroth: Die you little critters! (slashes 10 more up to pieces)
Cid: (2 Poke'mon run up to him) Didn't your mama ever tell you not to mess with guys with spears? (stabs them both)
Cloud: OMNISLASH! (kills 48 more Poke'mon)
DiCrapio: (looks down on the rest of the Poke'mon) You guys said you were the strongest animals on the planet!
Cait Sith: And you were f**ked up enough to belive that!
DiCrapio: Shut up!
Cloud: Sephiroth, how many of these things are there?
Sephiroth: About 150
Cid: We need to kill about 60 more than huh?
(Suddenly, helicopter noises are heard)
Reno: Were here to help.
Rude: Yeah, we hate that show Poke'mon and found out it was filmed here, so we decided to wipe them out.
Cait's friend: (walks up to Reno) Tequila man!
Reno: You like tequila too?
Red XIII: Oh great now we have two tequila lovin' hippies!
Rude: Reno, shut up with tequila.
Reno: Shut up, Rude! Tequila's good and you know it!
Pikachu: (kicks Reno in the balls) I'm Pikachu!
Barret: Hahahaha! Reno got kicked in the jimmy by a Poke'mon!
(everyone starts laughing at Reno)
DiCrapio: Yeah, I told you they can kick your @$$!
Cloud: Reno's a f*****g weakling just like all of the Turks!
Rude: And we're proud of it!
Vincent: CHAOS! (turns into Chaos and does Satan Slam, wiping out 25 more Poke'mon)
Barret: Now it's my turn! CATASTROPHE! (wipes out another 25 Poke'mon)
Barret: (looks down) Oh, I forgot something! (Catastrophe beam fries Cait's friend)
Cid: YEAH! Tequila man is dead!
Cait's friend: (gets up with burn marks all over him) Tequila man!
Tifa: There's only 10 left plus DiCrapio!
Cloud: I know what will fix them! STOP! (casts stop and 9 Poke'mon freeze)
Cloud: Gimme one of those nukes! (straps one to each Poke'mon)
Sephiroth: (grabs Pikachu) All right! This one's for the game! Kick the Pikachu!
Pikachu: Don't kick the Pikachu!
Sephiroth: KICK THE PIKACHU! (kicks Pikachu and lands in dog s**t)
DiCrapio: You may have defeated my Poke'mon army, but you haven't defeat me! I shall cast... TITANIC on you! Hahahahahahahah!
Cait Sith: Oh great, that s**ty boat again!
(Titanic starts to fall but the Highwind saves the day)
Cid: Die you piece of s**t boat! (fires missiles at it, desrtoying it except the front part)
Cid: Oh I almost forgot! (fires a missile a Cait's friend and blows him up)
DiCrapio: (looks up) Oh poopy! (front part of the Titanic falls on him)
Everyone: YEAH! DiCrapio's dead again!
Pikachu: (covered in dog s**t) I'm Pikachu!
Sephiroth: (grabs him and straps a nuke on him) There! We're finished here!
Cloud: I have the denonator so lets get outta here!
(Sephiroth flies away and the Highwind takes off)
Cloud: Okay, ready?
Cid: Just push the f*****g button!
Cloud: 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... Poke'mon are history! (pushes the button and the nukes go off, destroying the entire island)
Tifa: Poke'mon shall never make TV suck again!
Red XIII: What a relief!
Yuffie: What about the Turks?
Cait Sith: Whoops, I think they got a bad sun burn just like the Poke'mon did!
Cloud: Oh well, no big loss!
Cid: Now we can watch the Dukes in peace!
Cloud: That's the next thing we gotta get rid of!
Cid: No one says that about the Dukes and gets away with it!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope that I've made it very clear that I can't stand that piece of s**t DiCrapio or that piece of s**t Poke'mon show! They should all go to f*****g hell where they belong!