Final Fantasy Talk Show
By Rude
HOST: Hello, I'm your host Michael Grant. Today on Talking it Out we have on the show from Final Fantasy 7 Aeris Gainsborough!

Aeris walks out and heavy applause can be heard along with several whoops and whistles.

HOST: So Aeris you wanted to talk about your role in FF7.

AERIS: That's right Michael. I think Square was too cheap to give me a full role in FF7, so they cut me out in the first disk to save on their already way overdone budget.

HOST: But still you must have been very lucky to get this part at all.

AERIS: Yeah, well those jerks told me I was going to get a full part and that Tifa was going to die. You know what, I'm going to tell them off right now. I...

Suddenly two large men wearing black suits and sunglasses appear from nowhere.

MAN1: Ma'am we're from Square we'd like you to come with us.

AERIS What!? No way I,... ghtyhfb!!!

Man no 2 has gagged her and they're dragging her off set kicking and screaming. You can hear a car door shut and tires squeal.

Suddenly Sephiroth bursts in from the other end of the studio.

SEPHIROTH: Where's Aeris,I still have to finish her off!

The entire audience points to the doors she was dragged through


HOST: Well that was odd to say the least. But I was prepared for this. Everyone give a warm welcome to Cloud Stripe!

Light clapping can be heard around the audience.

CLOUD: Strife.

HOST: Huh?

CLOUD: The name's Cloud Strife. Not Stripe, Strife.

HOST: OH, yeah, whatever. Well Mr. Clod...

CLOUD: The name's Cloud not Clod can't you get it right!?

HOST : Okaaaaaaaay. Well Mr. Cloud you have by far the biggest role in FF7. How does that make you feel?

CLOUD: I thought Aeris was here. Where is she?

HOST: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeell, some folks from Square dragged her off and she was followed by Sephiroth, but, we're talking about you.

CLOUD: What!? I must save her!

HOST: Hoo, boy.

Cloud takes off screaming Aeris' name,in the completely wrong direction.

HOST: Well here's our backup backup interviewee.... Yuffie Kisaragi?

Yuffie comes out smiling and waving, but the entire audience gives her dirty looks.

HOST: Sigh, well Yuffie how do you feel about getting one of the smallest parts in the game?

YUFFIE: I don't care. I got all of the materia!

HOST: Yuffie, materia doesn't really exist, those are just colored marbles.

YUFFIE: Yeah, well, what about magic smarty pants?

HOST: That's added in later on by the Square graphics department.

YUFFIE: Yeah!? Well take this! ULTIMA MAGIC!

Unsurprisingly nothing happens. The host dons a crash helmet and says...

HOST: You may fire when ready!

The audience produces various not so fresh food items and sharp objects and begin hurling them at Yuffie. Then Yuffie runs out and literally screams her head off.

HOST: Yeeeeeeew, that was nasty. Well everyone greet our next guest... (listening on ear phone) What! Why didn't we bring him out in the first place! Oh, well, that's a good reason. Everyone welcome Cid Highwind!!!

The audience gives a standing ovation, and begins stomping their feet to Cid's theme song.

HOST: Well Cid welcome to the show.

CID: It's about damn time!

HOST: Cid there have been certain people who've been known to complain about your sailor mouth. Are you like that in real life?

CID: Well I...

Suddenly Aeris bursts in with a torn dress and lots of brusies. There is scattered applause and murmurs throughout the audience.

AERIS: I'm here! I'm here!

CID: I'm havin a @#&^* interveiw here.

AERIS: Don't you talk to me like that!

Aeris whips out her rod and begins beating Cid on the head. But then Cid brings out his spear and tries to literally sheshkibob her. Then Cloud bursts in and tries to save her but trips over a electric cord and impales himself on his own sword.


HOST:Why the hell are you back?

SEPHIROTH: I'm here to help kill Aeris!

Sephiroth runs off after Aeris, but Aeris picks up Yuffies decapitated head and hurls it at Cid. Cid ducks but it hits Sephiroth right on the head, instantly killing him. Then the rest of the cast of Final Fantasy 7 (including Biggs, Wedge, Jessie, and the bad guys) begin swarming the host. The audience splits into separate factions and starts a soccer riot.

HOST: This is Michael Grant for Talking it Out!


Disclaimer: All refered to characters, games, and wussy WEAPONS are the property of Square and this fanfic is meant in no way to infringe upon that ownership.

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