FF7 Meets FFT: The Cactaur Battles Part 2
By Rofel

Hello, folks. This is Rofel here, and its time to write part 2 of the funny classic you'll love, The Cactuar Battles! Here it is!

Ranma: Arg! :::pours kettle of hot water on himself::: :::becomes male again:::

:::Super Saiya-jin 4 Goku comes in, and blows the entire group of cactuars to smithereens. Only the leader remains. Leaves:::

Cactuar Leader: I'll be back next time. With more cactuar! :::runs off:::

Ramza: Are you okay, Mister/Miss

Ranma: Mister for now. Yes, ill be fine.

Ramza: No you won't! :::splashes Ranma with yet another bucket of cold water:::

Ranma: Grr... :::becomes female:::

:::Ramza and the rest get kicked out of the restaraunt:::

Cait Sith: Aww...I heard the place had good fries too...

Yuffie: God no! The fries there are almost as bad as my cooking!

Vincent: Nothing's as bad as Yuffie's cooking.

All: Hmph.

Red: We will need to hurry! No one knows where the cactuar will attack next!

Mustadio: How did they evade my gun?

Agrias: Well, us sword-users wont be any good. They broke all our stuff!

Cactuar Leader: Told you Id be back!

All: Ahhhhh!!!!

Cid: Lets kick some cactuar---:::gets beat up by cactuar:::

Barret: I pity da foo who cant kill a cactuar. :::nothing happens::: Yay!

Rofel: If you say I pity da foo one more time there goes your armor.

Barret: (fake coughing)Ipitydafoo. Ipitydafoo.

Rofel: Armor won't help the heart stay sharp, Shellbust---(notices sword is gone) Stupid Cactuar!

:::a stupid cactuar comes up and breaks barrets armor:::

Barret: @!#$%!#$%@#$%

Cid: :::beats up a few cactuar, then is knocked back:::

Barret: I pity da foo who---:::cactuars attack him:::


TV: More for when Cactuars attack! A whole army of innocent bystanders is now being attacked by a savage group of cactuar! Remember, that these scenes ARE real.

Someone watching TV: Aww...its all fake.

Back to the battle...

Rofel: :::punches a cactuar:::

Cactuar that Rofel punched: Wow! Two damage!

Rofel: Armor wont help the heart stay sharp, Shellbust Punch! :::still doesn't work because the cactuar have no armor:::

Izlude: Eya! :::kills five cactuar then gets knocked back unconscious:::

Meliadoul: Rofel! Your an idiot! It wont work if they don't have any armor! :::slaps Rofel:::

Actor who played Dycedarg in Monty Python and the Holy Stone: You leave our director alone! :::slaps meliadoul:::

Meliadoul: :::slaps actor:::

Actor: :::slaps meliadoul:::

Meliadoul: :::slaps actor:::

Actor: :::punches meliadoul in the jaw, knocking her over::: Cya! :::leaves:::

Rafa: That does it! :::tries Heaven Thunder and misses eight times in a row::: @$%^@#%

:::Fei from XenoGears appears and beats up all the cactuar again except for the leader:::

Cactuar Leader: If these random people didn't keep coming, I'd be victorious! :::runs off:::

:::Fei disappears:::

Mustadio: Hey he left a machine behind! :::gets in Weltall:::

:::Fei comes back:::

Fei: You get the hell outta my gear! :::knocks Mustadio out of Weltall and takes Weltall with him when he teleports this time:::

Cloud: Lets get in the car and chase them!

All: :::get in the stolen shin-ra mercedes back seat:::

Red: Its awfully crammed in here. :::tail has burned every other person in the back seat:::

Ranma: :::sees them drive away::: Come back here! :::Starts raining cold water on him::: God damn...

And so, zis Part will end like this! Will Ranma chase the car that chases the cactuar? Will the Cactuar chase the car that chases Ranma? Will random people ever stop coming in? Did they get rid of that lousy narrator for good? Find out next time, in

FF7 Meets FFT: The Cactuar Battles Part 3


Rerun of Who is Eric Cartman's Father?

Part 1 | Part 3

Forget it, we all know it was coming.