FF7 Meets FFT: The Cactaur Battles Part 3
By Rofel

Hello again! I think it's about time I finished FF7 Meets FFT, The Cactuar Battles! Well here it is!

:::The scene opens with Ranma chasing Cloud's shin-ra mercedes, which is chasing the cactuar leader:::

Ranma: Take this! :::throws a bucket of cold water at the FF7 and FFT characters, nothing happens:::

Trunks: :::comes out of the sky, sword facing downward, straight at Ranma:::

(in the car)

Cait Sith: Hey look! That guy from McRanma's is about to die!

All: Huh? :::look:::

Vincent: Who's that coming out of the sky?

All: Uhh... :::look:::

(outside)

Trunks: :::comes down on Ranma, descending the sword deeply in::: :::disappears:::

Ramza: Who was THAT guy?

Agrias: Probably some guy hired by the narrator to kill that Ranma person for money.

Gafgarion: Money? Cool! :::teleports out of story to work for narrator:::

Later that day...

:::The cactuars are beating everyone up:::

Mustadio: :::tries to snipe one down but fails, then is knocked over:::

Barret: Time to bust! :::says I pity da foo while shooting all the cactuar he can get:::

Aeris: :::casts Holy, killing a bunch of cactuar:::

Cactuar Leader:Grr...:::totally messes Aeris up:::

Cactuar Leader: Victory is finally mine against these inferior beings!

Gafgarion: :::appears with excalibur::: That's what you think.:::Rapidly uses Dark Knight ability Night Sword and kills a bunch of cactuar, then gets knocked down cold:::

Narrator: Must I rely on myself to decide what happens? :::beats up each and every cactuar, killing the leader:::

Cid: Thanks Mr. Narrator.

Barret: I pity da foo who doesnt respect the narrator now.

Cid: I still dont respect that !@$#!@#$ narrator. :::narrator manipulates him and makes him sing::: What if god was one of us...

Barret: God no!

Cait Sith: This WILL help. :::Casts silence on Cid:::

Narrator: :::uses Remedy on Cid::: NOW do you respect me?

Cid: $!$!@#$, I guess...

Narrator: Ok, later all.

:::the narrator disappears:::

Ramza: Let's go back to McRanma's, now that Ranma's dead.

Gafgarion: I gotta go see the narrator about my pay. :::teleports away:::

Mustadio: OK. :::all go to McRanma's:::

(at McRanma's)

Yuffie: :::is eating food, and suddenly pukes on Red XIII:::

Cid: God! Thats gonna spoil my show! :::is watching the dukes of hazard on the TV hes carried all the way from Mustadio and Besrodio's workshop:::

Barret: Dammit Cid! Change the damn channel!

Cid: !$#!@#$!#$!@#$!@#$@#$@#$!@#$$@#$ :::changes the channel:::

TV: When Cactuars attack will no longer be showing.

Cid: !#!#$!@#$ They stopped the show after they got some actual REAL encounters. !@#$!@#$

Barret: @%$@%$

Waitress: :::comes up to the group:::

Cid: Gimme some goddamn tea! And give the rest of these !$!@#$!#@$s some Goddamn tea too!

Cloud: But we don't want---

Cid: Shut up! Siddown and drink your goddamn tea!

:::the waitress goes to get tea for everyone:::

Rafa: We want tea!

Malak: Yay!

Ramza: Shut up. You two are the weakest fighters in all of Tactics.

Malak: Shut up Ponytail Boy.

Ramza: At least I can use a sword.

Malak: At least my job class has a cool name.

Cait Sith: Both of you, SHUT UP! :::Casts silence on Ramza, Rafa, and Malak:::

Cid: I wanna know why Cait keeps casting magic spells on people. I mean, if he wants power, he should casts Knights of the Round.

:::everyone looks at cid:::

Yuffie: whats knights of the round?

Cid: A summon materia.

Yuffie: Whats summon materia?

Cid: The materia that summons monsters that Cloud's always hogging.

Yuffie: I can change that. :::steals summon materia from cloud::: No Knights of the round...

Cloud: :::beats yuffie up and takes materia back:::

Vincent: What I want to know is two things. One, why is Yuffie still stealing everything she can, and two, why does Cait keep casting magic?

Cait Sith: You leave my magic out of this!

Ramza: :::comes up to cait and slices him up, eventually Esuna is cast on him, and he still doesnt talk, because FFT characters rarely talk anyway.:::

Mustadio: We've spent enough time here. Lets go!

And so, they all left McRanma's. Where will they go now? What will come on TV in place of When Cactuars Attack? Will Cait stop using magic spells? Will Yuffie stop stealing? Find out in my next story, FF7 Meets FFT: The Quest for Greener Grass!


Part 1 | Part 2

It's fics like this that have no real plot that keep sites like this going... I've said too much