Final Fantasy VII: The Day of Insanity!
By: Dave (Cloud)
Final Fantasy and all related characters and games are a property of Squaresoft, Inc.
Dragon Ball Z and all related shows are a property of FUNimation Productions..
At Tifa's Seventh Heaven...
Tifa: Another shot of tequila Cait's freind?
Cait's friend: Tequila man! (grabs bottle from Tifa and starts drinking all of it)
Cid: Damn! That's the fifth tequila bottle he's finished up today!
Barret: Not surprising! After all he is (takes an empty tequila bottle and mimics Cait's freind) Tequila man!
Cid: That was a good impression Barret!
Barret: Yeah and here's one of you, Cid! (sits in front of Tifa and does an impression of Cid) Shera! Get me some goddamn tea!
Tifa: (laughing out loud)
Cid: You goddamn monkey! I 'm gonna shove my.....hey where the f**k is my Venus Gospel!? (looks over at Yuffie, whose sitting next to the window, snickering) You thieving materia b***h!
Yuffie: You can't catch me, old man!
Cid: You little f**kin' b***h! Come here!
Marlene: (comes out of the backroom) Daddy? What's a f**kin' b***h?
Barret: Well you see, sweetheart it's a....................wait a minute! DON'T EVER EVER EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: Speaking of impressions, here's one of Tifa (starts jiggiling her breasts) Hey look at me! I'm a ten cent whore! (goes up to a meditating Vincent) Pay me ten cents and you can have a night of pleasure!
Vincent: ...................................................................... That's nice...........................
Tifa: Why you little b***h! I'm gonna get you!
Aeris: Yeah with what? Your Z cup tits?
Tifa: F**kin' hoe! (pounces on Aeris)
Red XIII: They never learn will they?
Cait's freind: Tequila.........barf! (pukes all over Red)
Red XIII: You f**kin' d**k! (mauls Cait's freind)
(Cloud and Cait Sith come in with stuff for everyone)
Cloud: (walks up to Tifa and Aeris and throws Aeris off) Hey baby. Did you miss me?
Aeris: Come on, Cloud! For ten cents you can have a night of pleasure!
Tifa: CLOUD! (slaps Cloud across the cheek)
Cloud: I was just kiddin' Teef!
Cait Sith: Come on freinds! Let's not fight! I predict the rest of week will be a happy one! Now Tifa, here's your Premium Heart with the message "Death to the Ancient" engraved on it.
Tifa: Thanks Cait Sith!
Aeris: You think you can kill me Double-D?
Tifa: Sephiroth did and we kicked his sorry @$$!
Cloud: Stop it! Both of you!
Tifa and Aeris: Sorry Cloud.
Cait Sith: Aeris, here's your Princess Guard with "Death to Double-D" engraved on it.
Tifa: You flower pussy!
Red XIII: Flower pussy? I still don't get it.
Cait Sith: Red, here's your plastic covering so you don't get barf all over you.
Red XIII: It's about f**kin' time! (puts the covering over him)
Cait's friend: Tequi.......barf! (barf lands on the plastic covering over Red; the barf slides off)
Red XIII: Hey, this thing really works!
Cait Sith: Yuffie, here's your........(Yuffie smashes through a window with Cid chasing her)
Cid: Gimmie back my spear you materia whore!
Cait Sith: As I was saying. Yuffie, I have a book here about the consequences of stealing.
Yuffie: Why do I get the crappy gift?
Cid: 'Cause you ARE crappy!
Cait Sith: Damn correct. Anyway, Vincent, here are your state-of-the-art ear plugs for peace and quiet while meditating.
Vincent: Thank you (puts them in right away) Ah, much better!
Cait Sith: For Barret I have a lifetime subscription to Playboy and, Cid all of the classic episodes of the Dukes of Hazzard, for Joe I have some new tools and for my freind I have 58 bottles of tequila.
Cait's freind: TEQUILA MAN! (runs up and grabs the bottles)
Tifa: What did you get Cloud?
Cloud: All I did was get my Ultima Weapon shined and polished.
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Cid: (stops running after Yuffie) F**k! I'm gettin' pretty f**kin' sick of him and tequila!
Yuffie: The old fart's right! Let's send him to Rehab!
Cid: What did you call me you f**kin' whore who wanted to f**k Barney!
Yuffie: F**k you!
Cid: I don't f**k materia whores!
(Cid starts chasing Yuffie again)
Joe: Yuffie's right. That guy needs to get help.
Cait's freind: Te-qui-la! Te-qui-la! Mannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!
Joe: See what I mean?
Cloud: Okay, all in favor of sending Cait's freind to Rehab! (everyone raises their hand including Cait's friend)
Cait's friend: (looks over at the rest of the party) Tequila man!
Tifa: He'll have to take his tequila with him. He won't go anywhere without it!
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!
Cloud: Come on, freind. We're going to uh.......going to....uh.....
Barret: A tequila festivle!
Cloud: Yeah! That's right! A tequila festivle!
Cait's freind: Tequila man! (jumps aboard the Highwind)
(Highwind lands five minutes later in front of the Midgar Rehabilitation Center for Tequila-holics)
Frieza: (sitting at front desk, sees AVALANCHE enter and scans their power levels) Hahahahahhaha! They all have lower power levels then me espically that tequila person. He only has a power level of 2!
Cloud: (enters the building) God this place smells like pee!
Frieza: Only people with lower power levels then me think this place smells like pee!
Cloud: Shut up you gay lookin' weirdo or else!
Frieza: Or else what? You can't beat me 'cause I have a higher power level than you! Hahahahaha!
Cloud: SHUT THE F**K UP! (hits Frieza with blunt side of Ultima Weapon)
Frieza: You @$$hole! That actually hurt!
Cid: Who the hell are you, you f**kin' weirdo!
Frieza: (standing up with a big @$$ bump on his head) I am the one and only...............FRIEZA!
Frieza: (tells AVALANCHE about the Dragon Balls and how he got his @$$ kicked by Goku)
Barret: That's a bunch a' bull, ya' s**tty lookin' weirdo!
Yuffie: Yeah, you look worse then DiCrapio, Kate Winslut, Freddy Kruger and the purple teletubby put together!
Cait Sith: And your voice is gay also!
Frieza: Watch your tongue cat or else?
Cait Sith: Or else what? You'll FREEZE us to death? (everyone cracks up laughing)
Frieza: Your testing my patience!
Cait Sith: Hey everybody! He's gonna freeze us to death! Get it? Frieza, Freeze US?
Everyone: (laughs at Frieza)
Joe: Hey look! I'm frozen! Hahahahahahaha!
(suddenly Joe gets frozen)
Yuffie: Holy crap! He actually DID freeze him! (steals Frieza's scouter)
Frieza: Uh...........yeah I did! That's what you get!
Sub-Zero: It wasn't you Mister Freezer,it was I, Sub-Zero!!!!!!
Frieza: Shut up! (blinks and Sub-Zero blows up) Now, like I said, your testing my patience!!!!
Red XIII: Does this test your patience? (lets a big, sloppy fart on Frieza)
Frieza: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Someone get the air freshener in here!
(Sephiroth comes in with 10 cans of air freshener)
Sephiroth: What are you @$$holes doing here?
Tifa: We're putting Cait's freind in here!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Aeris: What are YOU doing here?
Cid: Isn't it obvious?
Sephiroth: No, I work here. I'm the hospital's air freshener.
Frieza: (holding his throat) Stop your yapping and get more air freshener!
Sephiroth: (mumbeling) Yeah whatever you wierd looking d**k!
Frieza: WHAT DID YOU SAY?
Sephiroth: I said your a wierd lookin' d**k!
Frieza: Oh, well yes I certainly am............. Hey!
Cloud: Good one, Sephiroth! (Sephiroth comes back with another 40 cans of air freshener) Ah, that's better!
Frieza: (talking on the intercom) Get my secretary in here to watch the front desk for a while!
Tifa: Where do you think YOUR going?
Frieza: I think I'm going to the bathroom! (grabs a jar of vasaline and walks in the bathroom) Ooooooooo......Yeah baby......Oooooo....Bulma!
(Bulma walks by)
Bulma: Yes Mr. Frieza?
Frieza: OH S**T! (falls of the toilet and blinks. The toilet explodes)
Everyone and Sephiroth: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Frieza: Shut up! It's not funny! I'm drowning in urinated water.........Girgle!
Everyone: (laughs even harder)
Cid: Whatta f**kin' sicko!
Cloud: Yeah! He uses vasaline!
Red XIII: (singing) It's not unusual to use Vasaline!
Cid: It's not unusual to go the bathroom with Vasaline!
Cait Sith: But the way Frieza's using it is just plain sick!
Cloud: It's not unusual.........
Eeryone: TO KICK HIS @$$! (songs done)
Barret: I pity the foo's who sing Vasaline songs!
Vincent: At least it's better then your singing.
Barret: Ma' singin' isn't bad. Just listen....... Y-M-C-A!!!!!
Everyone in the building: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Barret: Ah c'mon! It isn't that bad!
(suddenly a mysterious figure comes to the front desk)
Ganondorf: Hello, I'm Frieza's secretary, Ganondorf. How can I help you?
Aeris: We're here to admit our friend 'cause he obsessed with tequila.
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Ganondorf: Yes I see! Well, we should be able to admit him in......lets......say.....three weeks.
Barret: THREE WEEKS!?
Tifa: Listen, Ganondork or whatever the f**k your name is, if you don't admit our freind right now I'll kick you in the balls so hard they'll fly out your throat and you'll be talkin' in a high voice that's worse than Barret's singing for the rest of your life!
Barret: Hey! I told ya'! There's nothin' wrong with ma' singin' foo'!
Joe: (now unfrozen) That's a matter of an opinion.
Barret: Shut up, foo'!
Ganondorf: I'm so sorry but it's not possible!
Tifa: WHY NOT?
Ganondorf: I haven't gotten my Kentucky Fried Chicken yet!
Ganondorf: It's true! I'm not willing to put any one in Rehab without eating some Kentucky Fried Chicken. Mmmmm.....juicy chicken.....yummy.....
Joe: That's a piss poor excuse bucko!
Ganondorf: Well.............TOO BAD! You can't do anything about it 'cause I have the Triforce! I am all powerful! Mwahahahahahahahahahah!
Yuffie: That's nice.... (steals Triforce from Ganondorf's pocket)
Voice: That's what you think, Canon Dork!
Ganondorf: WHAT! How dare you call me that! (tries to shoot energy but it turns out to be a spark) WHAT! How can this be!? (searches his pocket and discovers the Triforce missing).
(suddenly an energy blast hits Ganondorf and kills him)
Yuffie: Whoa! That was cool!
Cloud: Gimmie that before you hurt someone else! (grabs Triforce from Yuffie and puts it in his pocket. Then they hear a mysterious voice)
Voice: Which one of you goes by the name "Cait's freind"?
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Cloud: Who the hell are you?
Voice: I am the one and only Vegeta!
Cait's friend: Fejita?
Vegeta: No it's Vegeta.
Cait's friend: Fejita man!
Vegeta: No! It's Vegeta! V-E-G-E-T-A! Vegeta not fejita!
Cait's friend: Fejita man!
Vegeta: (face red with anger) IT'S VEGETA! VEGETA! VEGETA!
Cait's friend: FEJITA! FEJITA! FEJITA!
Aeris: (thinking to herself) Not bad....
Vegeta: (notices Aeris and approaches her) Why hello.
Vegeta: What's your name pretty eyes?
Vegeta: Aeris uh? Hahahahhaha! Pretty name for a pretty girl!
Aeris: So, what do you like to do?
Vegeta: Well, I like to go around and terrorize Namek villiages. Then I kick all of their sorry @$$s and steal the Dragon Balls that are there. Finally I throw the Dragon Ball in the water where that puny little prick, Gohan, finds it and steals it. Then I chase after him and the rest is histroy!
Aeris: Why can't you be more like that Cloud?
Cloud: I dunno.
Tifa: Cloud's fine just the way he is, right Cloud?
Cloud: I dunno.
Barret: So your the foo' who's takin' this tequila lovin' hippie?
Vegeta: First off, I'm not a foo' and second, yes I am takin' this tequila addictor!.
(Another voice is suddnely heard)
Voice: Hold it right there Vegeta!
(person jumps down from cieling fan)
Vegeta: Well if it ain't Zarbon the moron.
Zarbon: I'm under orders from Master Frieza to take you out.
Vegeta: I don't think so Moron! Unlike you, I'm straight and I have a girlfriend to prove it!
Zarbon: Yeah right. Who is it your grandmother?
Vegeta: Well for you it's probably your grandfather and no, it's not my grandmother.
Aeris: I'm his new girlfriend you green faced piece of poop! (kicks Zarbon in the nuts)
Zarbon: Oh.....poopy..... (disintegrates)
Cait Sith: Okay, that was pretty f**ked up right there!
Yuffie: You said it! (steals Vegeta's scouter from his pocket)
Vegeta: Anyway, let's get down to business! I'll charge 600 gil on a regular day, 1100 a day on weekends and 2500 on holidays.
Tifa: That's a rip-off!
Aeris: Don't talk to my new boyfriend like that Double-D!
Tifa: Flower pussy!
Red XIII: What the hell does that mean anyway?
Cid: Hey Tifa, we're talkin' about Cait's friend here. I'll pay anything to get him outta my hair!
Vegeta: Well in that case....
Cid: Don't push your luck bucko!
Cloud: So when can you take him?
Vegeta: Right now, if you insest....
Everybody: WE INSEST!
Vegeta: Well I'll do it on one condition.
Vincent: We're not paying you extra.
Vegeta: No that's not it. If you'll allow me to take Aeris as my wife...
Tifa: I accept! I accept! Take her! Take her! I hope you two have a wonderful life together!
Vegeta: ...and let me live with you guys.
Red XIII: What do you think Cloud?
Cloud: Well, let's let Aeris decide.
Aeris: I accept!
Cait Sith: Aeris, I'll be your preacher and matchmaker. Just call me when it happens.
Vegeta: We're gettin' married today!
Cid: Shouldn't you have SOME time to think about it?
Vegeta: Yeah I had five seconds. Isn't that enough?
Cid: Yeah I guess.
Aeris: Oh Vegeta! This is the happiest day of my life! (hugs Vegeta, Vegeta sticks his tongue in her mouth)
Tifa: (thinking to herself) Aeris you bitch! I'll find a way to rid you once and for all! (sees Sephioroth walk be with a sponge and a bucket) Hey Sephiroth?
Sephiroth: What do you want?
Tifa: Uhhh.....where are you off to?
Sephiroth: That damn Musashi peed on the floor again! And guess who has to clean it?
Tifa: The Pillsberry Doughboy?
Sephiroth: (sarcasticlly) Yeah that's right. Damn Frieza!
Frieza: (still locked in the flooded bathroom) I heard that! Girgle......girgle.....
Tifa: Could you do me a favor?
Sephiroth: What's in it for me?
Tifa: (whisper, whisper) I'll give you...........pleasure.
Sephiroth: HELL YEAH!
(whole team looks at Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: Sorry.... so when are ya' gonna give me pleasure?
Tifa: When you kill Aeris at her wedding today.
Sephiroth: Aeris is getting married? To who?
Tifa: That Vegeta character.
Vegeta: (taking tongue out of Aeris' mouth) What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy!?
Sephiroth: Oh sorry. Where's Musashi's room?
Vegeta: Figure it out yourself!
Sephiroth: Okay... (turns back to Tifa) Okay I'll kill her for you but you better live up to your side of the deal!
Tifa: No problem!
(Vegeta takes his tongue out of Aeris' mouth) You can look now, we're done.
Barret: Thank God!
Cid: Hey what about Cait's friend?
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Vegeta: I'll take him AFTER the wedding!
Cloud: YOU BETTER OR ELSE YOUR GONNA FEEL THE WRONG END OF MY SWORD!
Cid: I have a tuxedo you can wear.
Cloud: And Aeris can use Tifa's wedding dress.
Tifa: F**k no!
Cloud: C'mon Teef, if you do I'll......you know....tonight.
Tifa: (forgeting her deal with Sephiroth) O...Ok!
Red XIII: Well what are we waiting for? Lets...... (gets interrupted by a high pitched voice)
Musashi: I'm Musashi! I'm a little punk!
Vegeta: That's for sure!
Barret: Hey, kid, how 'bout you come with us and meet ma' daughter! She's ya' age practically!
Musashi: Yeah! A girl! I'm finally gonna get a girl to chase around and play tag and truth or dare and play in a sandbox and did I mention playing tag?
Cid: Shut up ya' little punk!
Musashi: I'm a little punk!
Cloud: Ok let's..... (interrupted by another voice. This time a deep one)
Voice: Vegeta stop!
Vegeta: (turns around to see Piccolo) What do you want Pickle d**k!?
Piccolo: The name's Piccolo and where do you think your going?
Vegeta: I'm getting married. Your welcome to come along if you like.
Piccolo: Vegeta? Getting married? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! That's a good one!
Vegeta: Like you'll ever get married, Pickle d**k!
Piccolo: The name's Piccolo, Fejita, and yes, I happened to be getting married in two months.
Cait's freind: Fejita man!
Cait Sith: Piccolo, I'll be your matchmaker and....
Cloud: You've already said that, Cait!
Cait Sith: Oh yeah I forgot.
Piccolo: You're all welcome to come along if you like.
Vegeta: This I gotta see.
Piccolo: And vise versa for you, Fejita!
Cait's friend: Fejita man!
Piccolo: Shut up!
Red XIII: So, what's keeping us?
Frieza: ME!!!!!!!!!!!! (covered in piss and s**t)
Cid: Well if it ain't the Freezer!
Frieza: Shut up! I won't allow you to get married Vegeta!!!
Vegeta: How are you gonna stop me? FREEZE me!?!?
Frieza: Your friends already tried that!!
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
Red XIII: Go to hell Freezer!!!! (farts on Frieza, making him disintegrate into gas)
Joe: All right Red!
Tifa: Yeah!! Freezer's dead!
Cait Sith: And the peasants...rejoice!!!
Red XIII: There's nothing like a good fart after 20 burritos!
Vegeta: Well then shall we find a wedding chapel my dear?
Aeris: Hell yeah!
The crew heads off with their newest member, Vegeta. They get ready for the wedding by sending out invitations, getting the cake prepared and buying the wedding rings.
(at the Hideout)
Cait Sith: So, who does Aeris want to invite?
Red XIII: Let's see.... her step mother, us, uh.... her cat...
Cait Sith: She doesn't have a cat, stupid!
Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!
Cait Sith: That's my line!! Who does Vegeta want to invite?
Red XIII: Let's see.... Pickle d**k, Bulma, all of his saiyan friends on the bowling team, Nappa...
Cait Sith: (in an announcer voice) The proud owner of Napa Autoparts!!
Red XIII: And last he wants to invite Joe's mama!!!
Cait Sith: I didn't know Vegeta knew Joe's mom!!
Red XIII: Well, apparently, he does!!
Cait Sith: Just write the invitations out and send them!
(at the store)
Baker: (brings out the cake) Here you go, sir!
Vegeta: No! For the fifth time, it's Aeris and VE-GE-TA!! V-E-G-E-T-A! Not fejita!!! Do I have to write it down for you?
Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
Vegeta: Shut the hell up!!!
Baker: Gosh, your mean! I won't fix your wedding cake up because your being mean!
Vegeta: Listen, if you don't, you'll find yourself in another dimension!!
Baker: Is that the fourth dimension your talking about!!!
Vegeta: THAT'S IT!!! DIE!!!! (blows the entire store up)
Barret: Hey foo'!! I wasn't done shoppin'!!!
Vegeta: Too bad!!!
Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
Vegeta: Someone please shut this asshole up!!
Barret: Allow me foo'! (blows Cait's friend up with a rocket)
Red XIII: (his voice echoing through the wind) H----A!!! H----A!!!
Aeris: What was that?
Vegeta: It was an owl my dear!
Barret: Get da' cake and let's go!
Vegeta, Aeris and Barret climb out of the crater the store once stood on and boarded the Highwind. The crew heads back to Midgar and picks up Red and Cait. They then head for the Sector 5 chapel...
At the wedding...
Aeris: (walking down the aisle) This is the happiest day of my life!
Elmyra: You finally found a guy that respects you!
Bulma: I can't believe my ex-husband would marry such a ditz!
Trunks: Daddy said you were the ditz!
Bulma: WHAT!?!?!? How dare he calls me that!!!
Vegeta: (in Cid's tuxedo; looks over at Cid) This thing is f**kin' tight!
Cid: Too bad!
Nappa: You look funny, Vegeta!!
Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! And how in the hell did you come back to life!?!?
Nappa: With an Instant Plot Device, just add water, Vegeta!!
Vegeta: Shut up, Nappa!! Your a sorry excuse for a saiyan!!
Nappa: Don't be so mean to me, Vegeta!
(As Aeris walked by, Tifa steps on the back of her wedding dress, exposing.....er....you get the point)
Aeris: I'm gonna kill you Double-D!
Sephiroth: No! I'm gonna kill yooooooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuuuu! (falls out of the tree and onto the wedding cake)
Cait Sith: What the f**k are you doing here?
Sephiroth: Fulfilling what I was bargined to do.....KILL AERIS! SCREW TIFA!
Vegeta: Kill Areis!?
Cloud: Screw Tifa!?
Vegeta: How dare you threaten Aeris!!!!!!!!
Cloud: How dare you hit on Tifa!!!!!!!!!!
Vegeta: C'mon Cloud, lets kick this guy's sorry @$$!
Cloud: Yeah! He threatend our women!
Vegeta: (turns into a the ape form) Now you'll feel the wrath of Vegeta.........WAHHH! (slips on some cake) DAMN CAKE!!!
Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (charges but trips over a table)
Goku: (coming out of nowhere) Let me help! Kao Cannon times..............1000! (blasts Sephiroth's @$$ across the world)
Vegeta: Thanks, Kakarotto!
Goku: No problem! Now I must go! (Goku flies off as the rest of the team waves bye)
Cait Sith: Now that's done, let's procede. Do you, Vegeta....
Vegeta: What's so damn funny, Pickle d**k!?
Piccolo: Noth.....Noth....Nothing. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Cait Sith: Anyway, do you, Vegeta, take Aeris to be your lawfully wedded wife, to love, to cherish, and to pump her day and night and wake up the neighbors so help you God.
Vegeta: Sounds like fun...
Cait Sith: Do you, Aeris, take Vegeta to be your lawfully wedded husband to love, cherish, blah, blah, blah...
Aeris: I do! I do!
Musashi: I am Musashi!
Cid: Shut up!
Cait Sith: Then by the city of Midgar and the intensity of my megaphone, I pronounce you Saiyin and Ancient. You may screw the bride! Just don't do it here.
Vegeta: Yeah baby!
Yuffie: I think I'm gonna....cry.... (takes Aeris' wedding ring and puts it in her pocket)
Vincent: We should get married Yuffie!
Yuffie: I agree! How 'bout next week!
Vincent: Yeah baby!
(back at the hideout)
Cloud: Three cheers for Aeris and Vegeta.... may you have a good sex life!
Nappa: (picks up a nail gun) What's this do Vegeta? (shoots a nail out)
Vegeta: (nail goes up his ass) My @$$! My @$$! My f**kin' @$$!!
Barret: Dat's ma line foo'!!!
Nappa: Sorry Vegeta!!
Vegeta: EAT THIS!! (turns Nappa into a cookie)
Nappa: (takes a bite out of himself) Mmmmmmmmm!! I taste good, Vegeta!!
Vegeta: I bet you do! (picks up Nappa and eats him)
(in the corner)
Marlene: Let's play tag, Musashi!
Musashi: Okay! Your it!
(Marlene chases Musashi but he trips and cracks his head open)
Musashi: If I get reincarnated, I wanna be Musashi again! (dies)