Nightmare at Gold Saucer 3: Frieza's Revenge!No Longer Alone (Dragonball GT)
by: Dave (Cloud)
AUTHORS' NOTE: Let's see if I can start this fic differently...
At AVALANCHE Hq, Cloud, Dav, Vegeta and Cid are waiting for Tifa to get back
with another copy of Smash Bros...
Cid: Damn! How long does it take for Tifa to get a copy of Smash Bros!?!?!?!?
Vegeta: She wouldn't have to go get another one if that damn tequila man hadn't
spilled tequila all over it!!!
Dav: Well SOMEONE here was f**kin' stupid enough to let him play!!!
Cloud: Hey shut up!!! I was trying to be nice!!! What's wrong with that?
Vegeta: Think about it, Cloud, who on this planet would be nice to Cait's
Cloud: (face turning with embarassment) Damn you!! Damn you all!!
Barret: (comes down stairs) Get you @$$s up here!! Cait's friend is on one of
his big @$$ rampages!!!
Cloud/Cid/Dav/Vegeta: Damn! Again! When will that @$$hole learn? Can't he go
to another bar or something!?!?
Barret: Damn straight, foo's!!!
Cloud: That's the first "Damn! Again!" comment that I actually could
(Cloud, Vegeta, Cid, Dav and Barret head upstairs to see the bar trashed)
Red XIII: I don't think so, tequila man!! (charges at Cait's friend)
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!! (dodging Red's charge)
Red XIII: Damn!!!!
Cid: I hate it every time he races to the bar for the tequila!! It seems to get
harder and harder every time to catch him!!!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!!
Barret: Enough yappin' foo'! Eat stun bullets, dips**t!! (shoots three stun
Cait's friend: Tequila man! (dodges the bullets)
Barret: Ah sheet, foo' I missed!!!
Cait Sith: (throws megaphone at his friend) No s**t, Sherlock!!!!
Cait's friend: (dodges the megaphone)
Cid: (stun bullets go up his @$$) Ah.... (falls asleep on a table)
Cloud: Cid! Go to the right and try to stop him... Cid? Cid! Wake up!!!
Cid: (dozing off and thinking of the Dukes of Hazard)
Cloud: Damn him! It shows how f**kin' realiable he REALLY is!!!
Aeris: It's all Barret's fault!!!
Barret: Why is everything ma' fault?
Vegeta: 'Cause it IS!!!!
Barret: Shuddap foo'!!!
Cait's friend: (passing by Vegeta) Fejita man!!!
Vegeta: (begins chasing him) Do I look like a goddamn fejita to you!?!?!?!?
Cait's friend: Fejita man!!!
Vegeta: That's it!!! I'm gonna use a move on your drunk @$$ that I should have
used a long, long time ago!!! GATLIC GUN!!! (fires energy blast at Cait's
Cait's friend: Tequila man!! (dodges the blast and half of the bar gets
Dav: Let me try.... JUSTICE SLASH!!! (charges at Cait's friend but misses and
slams into the wall)
Cait's friend: (taunting the crew) Te-qu-il-a, te-qu-il-a maaaannnnnnn!!!!!!
Vegeta: Don't get so cocky!!! I'll wipe that smart @$$ grin off your face!!
Ami: Dav!!! Are you alright!?!?
Dav: (still on the wall) I pity the fool who dodges my Justice Slash!
Ami: I'll make it better!!
Dav: HELL YA"!!!!
Aeris: That's Vegeta's line!!!
Vegeta: Damn right!!!
Cloud: What is it with people stealing other people's lines these days?
Cait Sith: I guess that's what makes it so funny.
Red XIII: No s**t, Sherlock!!!
Cait Sith: See what I mean?
Ami: I'm gonna transform!!
Dav: Are you kiddin'!?!?!? This is Cait's friend we're after, not Yuffie!!
Yuffie: (counting the stolen materia) I heard that!!!
Cait's friend: (makes a direct run at the bar) Tequila man!!!
Vincent: I can stop him... (transforms into Chaos) I am.... CHAOS!!! You shall
Cait's friend: (continues to run at the bar)
Vincent: Oh no you don't!!!!! (dives for Cait's friend but misses and smashes
every table in the bar)
Cait's friend: (jumps into the bar and starts drinking tequila) Tequila man!!!
Vincent: (back to human form) DAMN!!!!
Red XIII: Great!! Now Tifa will have us all nudered when she sees this mess!
Cait's friend: (too busy drinking tequila to say anything)
Barret: It's all dat' tea drinkin' faggit's fault!!!
Cid: (wakes up instantly and shoves his Venus Gospel up his ass)
Barret: Not again, foo'!! My @$$!! My f**kin' @$$!!!
Cid: Payback's a b***h, ain't it?
(they all hear Tifa's car pull up)
Everyone: OH F**K!!!
Red XIII: We're screwed!!!
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!!!!
Cloud: Everyone hide!!!
(the AVALANCHE team hides)
Tifa: (comes into the bar and sees the bar trashed and Cait's friend drinking
tequila) WHY ON THE HELL IS MY BAR TRASHED!?!?!?
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!!
Tifa: WHY IN THE F**K ARE YOU DRINKING MY TEQUILA!?!?!?
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!!!
Tifa: Why isn't anyone guarding the bar!?!?!?
Dav: (in a deep voice) It's all Yuffie's fault!!!
Tifa: (glaring at Yuffie)
Yuffie: (finishes counting the materia and gil) I regret nothing...
Tifa: Die you b***h!!!! (does her chain of limit breaks on her)
Dav: (comes out of hiding) That's my action!!!
Tifa: So that's where you're hiding!!!
Dav: Uh oh....
Cloud: Dammit, Dav!!!!
Dav: We're screwed!!!
Cloud, Dav and Ami run out of the broom closet as Tifa begins searching the bar
for the rest of the crew...
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!!
Red XIII: (hiding in a cabnet near the drinks) Talk like a man you f**kin'
d**k!!! (mauls Cait's friend)
Tifa: Is that you Red?
Red XIII: Crap!! (stops mauling Cait's friend and goes back to his hiding place)
Tifa: Red, come on out!!!
Red XIII: (pops his head up with a Chewbacca mask on) AHHHHHHHH!!!
Aeris: (hiding in a cabnit above the drinks) AH!!! Vegeta, I'm scared!!!
Vegeta: Damn wookies!!!! (grabs an empty glass) Eat glass, wookie s**t!!!
Red XIII: Ah crap!! (dodges the glass and his mask falls off)
Vegeta: AH!!! It's only Red!!! (goes back in the cuboard)
Cait's friend: Fejita man!!
Vegeta: (smashes tequila bottle over Cait's friend's head)
Cait's friend: Tequila.... (knocked unconscious)
Tifa: Vegeta!!! Why is my bar trashed!!!
Vegeta: 'Cause it is!!!!
Aeris: Yeah, Double D!!!! Now leave us alone or Ami and I will have to kick
your silicon @$$!!!
Tifa: She'll be on MY side, Ancient b***h!!!!
Aeris: Can't you think of any new insults, or do those silicon implants take up
Tifa: You damn slut! I'll kill you!
Cloud: WOULD YOU BOTH STOP F**KIN' FIGHTING FOR ONE F**KIN' DAY!?!?!?
Cait Sith: (hiding downstairs with Barret, Vincent and Cid) Damn straight!!!
Vincent: Peace would be a wonderful thing for me...
Cid: As for everyone who doesn't have to suffer eating your tarts!!!
Vincent: WHY IN THE HELL DOES EVERYONE INSULT MY TARTS!?!?!?!? THEY'RE
DELICIOUS!!! I'LL EAT ONE NOW!!! (takes a tart from the shelf) This looks
Barret: Looks can be decievin' foo'!
Vincent: Shut up! (bites into his tart) Ack!! These things are terrible!!! How
could one make such bad tarts!?!?
Cait Sith: You FINALLY realize your tarts taste like cat poop!!
Vincent, Barret and Cid join the rest of the gang upstairs. After everyone has
calmed down, Dav and Ami make an announcement...
Dav: Attention, friends! Ami-chan and I have decided where to go on our honeymoon
and also to invite you guys!
Barret: Aren't ya' foos supposed to have a honeymoon by yourselves?
Vincent: (still in shock) My tarts suck...
Cid: Yeah, we might interrupt your "busy time"!
Dav: If you do that, the Atma Weapon goes srtaight up your @$$!!!
Aeris: So where have you love birds decided to go?
Ami: We wanna go to the... (hears a crashing noise)
As Ami talks, Joe crashes through the ceiling with a Playboy in his hand...
Joe: Uh....hey guys what's happening and why am I on a smashed table!?!?
Cloud: You came crashing through the ceiling!
Red XIII: And just when we were about to find out where Ami and Dav are going
for their honeymoon!!
Joe: Who's Ami?
Dav: My wife!!!
Joe: Who are you!?!?
Dav: Wait a minute, who are YOU!?!?
Joe: I asked you first!
Cloud:: Ami and Dav, this is Joe Nagah, a bomber pilot we met in the 20th
century. Joe, this is Dav Cole and Ami Mizuno!
Ami: It's Ami Cole! Get the name right!
Vegeta: Where in the hell have you been for the last two weeks!?!?
Cait's friend: (now conscious) Fejita man!!
Vegeta: Shut up!!!
Joe: I...I...I don't know!! (farts fire)
Red XIII: That's my action!!
Cait Sith: Holy crap!!! You were abducted by the visitors!!!
Joe: No I wasn't!!! (farts fire again)
Tifa: They gave you an anal probe!!!
Joe: I wasn't abducted!!! (farts fire on Cait's friend)
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!! (runs around)
Cait Sith: Stop, drop and roll, friend!!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!! (begins to roll in tequila)
Aeris: But not in tequila!!!!
Cait's friend: AHHHHH!!! Tequila!!!! (the fire gets bigger)
Ami: I'll put him out!!! (gets a fire extinguisher and puts the fire out on
Cait's friend: Tequila man!! (begins to lick tequila off of the floor)
Ami: What's that in your hand?
Joe: (looks at the magazine) Cool! It's a Playboy!! I don't remember having it
with me though.
Cid: Hey! Don't hog it all, give it here! (looks at it) Sweeeeeeeeeet!!!
Barret: Lemme see, foo'!! (grabs it from Cid) Sweeeeeeeeeeet!!!
Cid: Damn monkey!!! (kicks Barret in the nuts)
Barret: (in a high pitched voice) Ma' nuts! Ma' nuts! Ma' f**kin' nuts!!!
Aeris: Anyway, where are you two love birds going for your honeymoon?
Ami: The Gold Saucer!!!
Cid: Are you two out of your f**kin' minds!?!?!?!?!? Why go there!?!?!
Ami: It's a place of romance!!!
Red XIII: Wrong! It's a place of nightmares!!!
Vegeta: What do you mean?
Cloud: Well, the last two times we've gone, some asshole tried to take over the
Aeris: First, it was DiCrapio, then Ash Catchem!!!
Cid: It's more like @$$ Ketchup!!!! Hahahahahahahahha!!!
Cait Sith: Or Ketchup @$$!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!
Dav: Well, you know what they say...
Vegeta: The defeat of the Saiyan warrior... just makes the Saiyan stronger!!
Tifa: You've said that THREE times already!!
Vincent: (still in shock) My tarts suck...
Aeris: (pounces on Tifa and they rumble around)
Dav: Well, that, and third time's the charm!
Cloud: No way!! You can't change my mind!! We absolutely won't go to that
place of hell ever again!
Dav: Ah c'mon! I'll give you a free candy...
Cait Sith: Free candy!?!? Why didn't you say so!?!?!? I'm in!!
Cait Sith: What? It's free candy!
Ami: Maybe Cloud, Dav and I should discuss this is a private room.
Dav: Good idea...
Cloud: Alright, but you won't change my mind about the Gold Saucer! (the three
head into another room)
Cid: Hey! While we wait for them to finish their three-some in there, how about
a game of Smash Bros. guys?
Vegeta: Nah, we'll let Dav get all of the secrets on it before we play it again
Eight cat fights and five hours later...
Red XIII: So, what's the verdict?
Dav: We're going first thing tomorrow!!
Cait Sith: Yeah! Free candy!
Ami: Oh this is gonna be so much fun!
Vincent: (finally out of shock) .............My tarts suck, everyone...
Everyone: No s**t, Sherlock!
Barret: Man, Cloud! What on Earth did they threatned ya' with?
Cloud: Ami would have her Sailor friends strip in front of me if I didn't agree
Cid/Barret/Cait Sith: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Cait Sith: Oh! The humanity!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Dav: Hey Ami-chan! If it's alright with my blue angel here..
Dav: (continues) There are a few more friends I would like to invite.
Ami: It's fine with me. If it's alright with you, I was gonna invite Usagi-chan and
the others along also.
Dav: Do you REALLY have to invite Meatball Head?
Ami: She'll cry if I don't and besides, I can't do that to a friend.
Dav: Yeah, your right....we'll, I'm gonna call Fei and Bart and ask them to come
along. (Dav goes to the phone)
Onboard the Yggdrasil...
(on the bridge)
Bart: Hey everyone! Come here!!
Emeralda: Fei's Kim! Where's Fei's Kim?
Fei: (voice echoing through the halls) My name isn't Kim, you nano b***h!!!
Emeralda: Fei's Kim said a bad word!
Bart: No s**t, Sherlock! Now, pay attention!!
Rico: What do you want?
Billy: You better not squirt "Bartweiser" out of your nose again!
Bart: Shut up you little punk! This is WAY better, trust me!
Billy: And how many times have said that?
Bart: You little punk! I'll kill you!!
Citan: Young one! Be nice to Billy!! He's only a teenager!
Bart: So am I!
Citan: ...But he's younger than you!
Rico: Shuddap, Shitan!
Citan: Why are you guys keep calling me that?
Bart: 'Cause your a punk!
Billy: Hey! I thought I was the punk!
Citan: I am sorry, young one, but since I'm older have to be the punk!
Billy: No, I'm the punk!
Bart: YOUR BOTH PUNKS!!! Happy now!?!?!?
Billy: There can only be one punk, and that's me!
Bart: (boots Billy's @$$ off the bridge) Anyway, here's a little trick I picked
up from Dav. When we're on a mission, we can do this everytime we get bored!
Rico: What did you do?
Bart: I bugged their room!!! Whahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!
Citan: Young one! What on Earth possessed you to do that!?!?
Bart: (dripping with sarcasm) It was the Gingerbread man! (boots Citan's @$$ off
of the bridge)
Bart: Anyway, let's turn this one and see if it works!
(in Fei and Elly's room)
Elly: oooohhhhh..... Fei.......ohhhhhhhhhh!!!
Rico/Bart: YEAH BABY!!!!
Emeralda: Perverts! I'm telling Fei's Kim! (runs out of the bridge and heads
for Fei's room downstairs)
Bart: Uh... someone stop her!
(Jessie enters the bridge)
Jessie: (drunk off his @$$) Allow me... hic!... (goes after her)
Rico: Is that all you do around here is get drunk of your ass?
Jessie: Yep! (stumbles back into the elevator)
Citan: Young one! You have a telephone call.
Bart: Give it here! (grabs the phone) Hello and why are you bothering me?
Dav: 'Cause I can!
Bart: Oh, hey Dav, how's it going?
Dav: It's going good. Hey, Ami and I are going on our honeymoon at the Gold
Saucer. Do you and Fei want to come?
Bart: Let me ask him.
Elly: (comes running out of the elevator) How dare you bug our rooms! (starts
chasing Bart around the bridge)
Bart: Oh f**k!
Emeralda: Hahahahahhahaha! Fei's Kim is gonna beat you up, pirate man!
Fei: Damn you! Stop calling me Kim! Do I look like Kim to you?
Dav: (hearing Fei on the other line) Whoa! Fei pulled a Cid!
Bart: Damn right he did!
Emeralda: Fei's Kim said a bad word!
Ricot: No s**t. Sherlock!
Fei: (ignoring her) Hey Bart, who's on the phone?
Bart: It's Dav, and someone stop her from taking my jewels away! AHHHHH!!
Fei: Elly! Bad girl! No pleasure tonight is you keep chasing Bart!
Elly: I'm sorry dear...
Bart: Anyway, he wants you and me to come to the Gold Saucer for their
Fei: Cool, ask if some of the rest of our crew can come.
Bart: Hey Dav, can the rest of our friends come also?
Dav: ..... Okay, it's fine with me.
Bart: Cool! We'll be there in 30 minutes!
Dav: Sweet! Bye! (hangs up the phone). Good news! Fei and his pals are coming
Ami: Hey Dav, do we really need a lot of people with us?
Dav: It'll be alright!!
Cloud: Okay guys. let's pack...
Cid: Damn! Again! Stop saying it like a wimp! Can't you say let's throw a
bunch of crap in suitcases or something?
Cloud: That's it!! I've had it up to here with those damn "Damn! Again!"
comments! (runs into Cid's room)
Cid: Hey! Get the f**k out of my room you f**kin' f**k!!
Cloud: (comes out with Cid's Dukes of Hazards tapes) Whahahahahahahahaha!!
Cid: You wouldn't dare!
Cloud: (smashes the tapes on the floor)
Cid: NOOOOOOOO!! My tapes! My tapes! My f**king tapes! WAHHHHHHHHH!!
Aeris/Tifa: Alright Cloud!
Barret: Da' muther f**kin' Dukes are dead!
Cait's friend: (taunting Cid) T-e-q-u-i-l-a! T-e-q-u-i-l-a!
Red XIII: (goes over to the pile of crushed plastic and farts on it) Ah! That
feels much better! (the plastic melts)
Cid: WAHHHHHHHHHH!! Daisy Duke is dead! WAHHHHHH!!! No more wet dreams for
Dav: No more Daisy Duke?
Ami: (elbows him the stomach) DAV!!!
Red XIII: Get over it Cid! The Dukes suck! (farts again) Ah! That feels good!
Ami: Yes, releasing gases from your body is very healthy.
Everyone: (just stares in confusing)
Dav: She said farting is cool!
Red XIII: Actually, I'm more relieved that I destroyed the tapes further!
Vegeta: This calls for a celebration! How about a song to go along with the
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!
Cait Sith: Good choice, friend! (goes over to a stereo and starts singing. A
disco light appears above the bar) Celebrate good times, come on! Let's
Red XIII: (with an evil smile) I will! (lets a big sloppy fart out)
Vincent: ........My tarts suck.....
Everyone: WE GET THE POINT ALREADY!!!
Aeris: C'mon Vegeta! I need help deciding on which nightgown to pick. The low
cut one, the one with no bottom or the one with no top?
Vegeta: How about nothing at all?
Joe: Better get the camcorder ready again! Whahahahahahaha! I wonder if
America's Sickest Home Videos still exists?
Aeris: Hey! I still haven't gotten you back for that! Your b*****d! (jabs
Princess Guard in his stomach)
Joe: (gasping for air) You......b***h......that....f**kin'.....hurt......ugh!!
Sailor Moon: (comes crashing through the ceiling) AHHH!!!
Cloud: Hey, the Sailor Senshi have arrived!
Sailor Moon: (gets up) I am Sailor Moon! The Champion of justice! On behalf of
the moon, we will go with you!
Cait Sith: I thought you were the grandmother of justice!
Sailor Moon: Champion, grandmother, same thing!
Sailor Mars: I am Sailor Mars....
Sailor Jupiter: Jupiter...
Sailor Venus: and Venus! We are....
Senshi: The Sailor Senshi!!
Cloud: Welcome to the hideout, Senshi! We'll leave as soon as Fei and the
Sailor Moon: Thank you! (all the Senshi revert back to normal)
Ami: Hello, Usagi-chan, Minako-chan, Mako-chan and Rei-chan.
Usagi: Hello Ami-chan, now, where's the delicious food? (sees Vincent's tarts) Oh
yummy! Tarts! I love these things!
Minako: No Usagi, don't!!
Cid: ^#@^%#%%#GH^%E^%D^&E$#^^(#^(^)@^^@^%#%^#(#@^(%^!!! Damn you Cloud!!!
Vegeta: Shut the hell up already! (blasts Cid's @$$ across the room)
Usagi: Why? They look perfectly normal.
Aeris: You don't understand, they're terrible!
Usagi: Oh quit it you guys! Your all just trying to stop me from eating
because you'll think I won't save any for you guys!
Tifa: No don't!
Usagi: I'll only eat two or three! (takes a bite out of the tart) AHHHH!!!
Thses things are terrible! It tastes worse than Minako's cooking!! Who the hell
Vincent: You don't have to rub it in! I know my tarts suck!
Cait Sith: Yeah, he finally figured it out after six monthes!!
Rei: I think Usagi has learned her lesson about eating anything she sees!
Usagi: Shut up, Rei! At least I don't work at some old fart's temple and play
Rei: You little b***h! At least my daughter isn't a pink haired little brat
that... (suddenly a rose comes flying down and knocks Rei over)
Everyone: What the hell!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Tuxedo Kamen: I am ashamed of you Rei! How dare you insult one's precious
child! Usagi was in laber for 5 hours! And you don't have a daughter by
Rei: No s**t, Sherlock!
Makoto: Okay, that's about as much detail as I want to hear.
Cid: Hey! You're the f**kin' @$$hole who hit me with that rose a few weeks ago!
Tuxedo Kamen: That was only a mis-understanding. We now know you are ourfriends.
Cid: I never returned you the favor...
Tuxedo Kamen: What do you mean?
Cid: THIS! (shoves spear up Tuxedo Kamen's @$$)
Tuxedo Kamen: My @$$! My f**kin' @$$! (runs out of the bar holding his @$$)
Makoto: I didn't know Tuxedo Kamen said such foul language.
Rei: This proves another point of mine.
Usagi: And what is that?
Rei: Your boyfriend is a real d**k!
Usagi: What!?!?! How dare you call him that!
Rei: The truth hurts, Usagi.
Usagi: Why you little... (they go on and on)
Red XIII: Sounds like Tifa and Aeris..
Cait Sith: No s**t, Sherlock!
Aeris: I don't get. If Cloud doesn't want to go, why didn't he just say no?
Tifa: Because that's rude, flower pussy!
Red XIII: Would someone tell me what the hell that means?
Aeris: What did you call me, skanky b***h?
Tifa: Flower pussy!
Aeris: At least I don't have $2,000 in my breasts!
Tifa: You pussy sucking popsicle!
Usagi: Popsicle!! Where!?!?
Rei: Don't you ever think of anything besides food?
Usagi: I think of Tuxedo Kamen.
Red XIII: If anyone needs me, I'll be outside biting my ass. (exits the bar)
Cait Sith: Yeah, I'll join you. (follows Red outside)
Cait's friend: Tequila man! (follows Cait outside)
Minako: (staring at Cait's friend) Not bad... not bad at all.... I wonder if he's
Back onboard the Yggdrasil...
Billy: Where's Fei? We're supposed to be playing the Thames' card game!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I don't know what the card game you play onboard the Thames is
Emeralda: Fei's Kim! Where's Fei's Kim?
Rico: He'll be up your ass if he doesn't get his out here soon!
Chu-Chu: I have chu pee! I have chu pee!
Bart: Then go pee, dammit!
Citan: Young one! You seemed to have forgotten, Chu-Chu isn't poty trained.
She doesn't have the intelligence of a human to go to the restroom in a toilet,
like you and me.
Bart: Shuddap Shitan! No one asked you to talk!
Citan: Why do you all keep calling me that?
Rico: 'Cause we can!
Bart: And because you're a punk!
Fei comes walking out a few seconds later...
Fei: Sorry guys, I got caught in Elly's....well....I'll explain later. Anyway,
let's start playing!
Billy: I don't gamble, it's against my nature.
Bart: We're not gambling you stupid punk!!
Billy: Oh well, I don't like card games anyway, so I'll sit out and watch.
Rico: I pity the fool who doesn't like card games.
Bart: Come on! Let's just start the game!
Rico: Okay, let's pick teams.
Citan: I'll be Fei and I...
Fei: Wrong, moosebreath! It's Bart and I versus Shitan and Rico!
Rico: Ah poop!
AUTHOR'S NOTE: They're going to play it the way it was played on the Thames,
when the character was small and they had to step on the cards.
Fei and Bart go to the bottom while Citan and Rico go to the top as four cards
are placed in front of the two groups...
Emeralda: Those are big cards, Fei's Kim!
Fei: No s**t, Sherlock!
Bart: Okay, we go first!
Citan: You always go first!
Rico: Wait!!! Let's wager a few things before we start. It makes the game more
Citan: I don't have anything to wager...
Rico: Now you do! (takes off Citan's glasses and places them on the betting
Citan: Hey! Those are my only pair!
Rico: I'll wager 300 gil and these pair of earrings.
Fei: I'll wager 500 gil and my Hitmonlee Pokemon. (drops the Pokeball on
Hitmonlee: Cylax! Heyheyheyheyheyhey! (kicks Citan in the nuts)
Citan: (in a high pitched voice) Ah! My genitles have been voilated! (falls
down and is knocked unconscious)
Nelson from the Simpsons: HA! HA! (dissapears)
Bart: I would normally agree, but this time I can't.
Fei: Why? Come on, this is Citan we're talking about here!
Bart: Well, we can't play with only three people!
Fei: Who else is going to play then?
Emeralda: I wanna play Fei's Kim!
Fei: (ignoring her) Who else is going to play then?
Ramza: Hey guys! Let me play! (runs in with his ass hanging out of his pants)
Fei/Bart: OH F**K!!!
Ramza: (trips over Citan) AHHHH!! (smashes into the ground) OWWWW! M'kay?
Rico: (picks Ramza up) Who are you? How did you get in here?
Ramza: My name is Ramza! Who are you, green man?
Rico: (body slams Ramza into the ground) I have a name dammit!
Ramza: What is it then?
Rico: It's Rico!!
Ramza: Hey green man, do you know where the nearest Taco Bell is?
Dark Nation: (appears out of nowhere) Yo quiero Taco Bell!
Ramza: Hey! Viva Gorditas!
Dark Nation: !Chingate!
Rufus: (appears out of nowhere) Ah ha! I found you! Now give me back the
evidence, doggy! No one shall ever know that I had an affair with that girl!
Dark Nation: (runs over to Citan and pisses on him) !Come mierda! (blows shit
all over Rufus)
Rufus: AHH!! My eyes! My f**kin' eyes! (suddenly gets shot along with Dark
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Please forgive me if I didn't get all of the Spanish right.
Billy: (holding his shotgun) I've always hated that Rufus and his gay dog!
(walks back into Margie's room) Now, where were we?
Bart: (makes a mental note to kill Billy)
Fei: Anyway, how did you get onboard you little prick!?!?
Ramza: I'm a stole away!
Ramza: I'm trying to escape my wife, Princess Ruto.
Bart: Didn't that punk Billy pump her last week?
Rico: Naw, that was Princess Toastool.
Bart: Oh, well, anyway, we'll let you play one game against me ONLY. If I win,
I get to boot your ass off of my ship. If you win, which will not happen, you
have to jump off and commit suicide! Deal?
Ramza: Cool! It's a deal!
Bart: Okay then, let's play.
(they play and Bart begins to win)
Bart: Hang on! Let's raise bets, shall we?
Ramza: Uh, okay!
Bart: (pulls out the deed to the Yggdrasil and puts it on the table) What do you
Ramza: Uh, mmm.... uh, well, I have my engagement ring! (pulls off the worm from
his finger and places it on the table)
Bart: Ugh! Okay then, let's resume! (they resume playing) Whahahahahaha! (puts
down four cards at once)
Ramza: Uh, what goes on top of a Q?
Bart: There is no "R" in cards, stupid!
Emeralda: You're mean, pirate man!
Bart: I know, isn't it great?
A few minutes later...
Ramza: (puts the last one down) I WIN!!!
Bart: (in shock) He....he...he won my ship...
Rico: Good going, Bart!
Fei: Great! Now the Yggdrasil is in command of an ass sucking prick!
Ramza: HA! HA! I WIN!!
Sigurd: (comes into the docking bay) Excuse me, young master, we're approching
Midgar and the bar has been flooded with alcoholic beverages!
Bart: Uh, okay, land when we reach Sector 7.
Sigurd: What about the bar though?
Bart: Screw the damn bar!
Sigurd: Okay then. (goes back to the bridge)
Ramza: I don't wanna go to Sector 7! I wanna go to Disneyland!
Fei: Shut up! Now, let's go to the Mess Hall and get Jessie!
They all leave, except for Citan, who is still unconscious from the blow to his
winky, and they pass by Margie's room...
Margie: Oh....Billy..... you are indeed a man of action!!
Billy: Yeah, baby!
Everyone: (barfs on Ramza)
Ramza: Hey! That was mean!
Fei: Too bad!
Bart: Remind me to kill that little punk after this trip is done!
Rico: Can do.
(they all enter the Bar)
Jessie: (drunk off his @$$) Mee can't feel my legs.... Mee don't have any legs!
Lucky the Leprochaun: (also drunk off his ass) Good! Good! Mee has a pot of
gold at the end of mee rainbow! (drops dead from an overdose of alchohol)
Bart: Dammit Jessie! Your going to Rehab after this!
Jessie: Mee not Jessie...hic!.... Mee....... Legless...hic!....(collapses)
Ramza: Hey, he's a drunky!
Rico: No s**t, Sherlock!
Fei: (evil smile comes over his face and he shouts) Hey Billy! Ramza just
called your father gay!
Billy: (from Margie's room) WHAT!?!?!?!? How dare he says that! (comes running
into the bar)
Ramza: Hey! I did not! (starts running like hell)
Billy: You little f**k!! My father isn't gay! (catches Ramza)
Ramza: WAHHHHHH!! I didn't say anything bad!
Billy: Save it for your doom, d**kweed! (runs into the docking bay while holding
Ramza by the shirt coller) Hey Bart, open the bay doors!
Bart: Okay... (evil smile comes over his face as he opens them)
Fei: Bart! Don't even think of kicking Billy off! After all, he's doing you a
favor by getting rid of Ramza!
Bart: Yeah, you got a point there. Okay, I'll let him slide this time.
Billy: Say goodbye, dips**t! (boots Ramza off the Yggdrasil)
Delita: (pops out of nowhere) Ramza! Come back here! I will make you disgrace
your own family! (jumps out after him)
Princess Ruto: Ramza! How dare you have fun without me! (jumps out after them)
Rico:..... That was pretty f**ked up right there!
Fei: You said it!
Bart: All right Billy! You killed Ramza!
Billy: He called my father gay.....
Sigurd: We have landed in Sector 7, sir!
Bart: Let's join Cloud and the others! Come on!
Meanwhile, at the Gold Saucer, Frieza and his henchmen are trying to think of
something to do....
Frieza: (looking out the window at the Ghost Hotel) It'll only be a matter of
time before all seven precious dragonballs will be mine!!
Zarbon: (whipping his gay @$$ ponytail around) But master Frieza, you've
already said that line!! (smacks Kuwi in the face with his ponytail)
Kuwi: Owww!!! Be careful!! I could get whiplash from your goddamn
Frieza: Listen up you clowns! Here's the game plan...
Dodoria: (eating a bucket of ice cream) Are we gonna fly around and fart on
Frieza: No, you idiot, we've done that already! I want to experience
something new, something....oh...fun!! Any ideas?
Dodoria: We can rent porno movies and crush innocent little rats that have
infested this room!
Rat: (comes out of a hole nearby) Hey, f**k you!! (bites Dodoria in the foot)
Dodoria: AHHHH!!! My pretty foot!!!! My f**king foot!!! (runs out of the
room crying like a baby)
Frieza: (thinks to himself) What a damn baby......
Zarbon: (begins to play with his hair) I have an idea! We can moon people on
the roller coaster!!
Kuwi: Alpha Numeric!!!!
Dodoria: (comes back into the room) Who would want to see your big, green
Zarbon: That old lady was touching it earlier!
Kuwi: That's because she thought it was her oxygen pump!!! And when she
found out what it REALLY was, she had a quadruple heart attack!
Dodoria: Yeah. then that little kid kicked you in the nuts and that old guy
beat your ass with his cane, then his brother ran you over with a
Frieza: ENOUGH!!! I see something coming from the next room.
Zarbon: What is it, Master Frieza?
Kuwi: (imitating Dodoria) Is it a rat with a prostate tumor?
Frieza: No, stupid!
Dodoria: Yeah, rats are stupid!!
Rat: There he is!! Rush 'em boys!! (a bunch of rats attack Dodoria)
Dodoria: AHHHHHHHH!!! (runs out of the room with a pack of rats chasing him)
Kuwi: Anyway, back to the hearing thing...
Zarbon: What do you hear, Master Frieza?
Kuwi: You've already said that line, dips**t!!!
Frieza: ENOUGH!!! DAMN YOU BOTH!!! WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR ME TO GET FIVE
MINUTES OF PEEPING INTO SOME HOT BABE'S ROOM!?!?!?! WELL, WHAT DO HAVE TO
SAY FOR YOURSELVES!?!?!?!?
Zarbon:....... Is she naked?
Frieza: URRRGHHH!! JUST SHUT UP!!
(in the next room)
Jedite: But Queen Beryl, Sailor Moon shoved her moon wand up my @$$!! I
couldn't help it but to run around and pee my pants!
Zoicite: Hahahahaahahahahahahahahaha!! Jedite pissed his pants again!!
Jedite: Shut up!!
Queen Beryl: Enough of your babbling, Jedite!! You have failed me for the
last time! Now, you shall face the ultimate consequence...
Jedite: No Queen Beryl, not that, please!!!
Beryl: Yes, that's right! No sex with me for a week!!!!
Jedite: NOOOOOOOO!!! (runs around like the @$$hole he is and jumps off the
balcony and lands in bat s**t)
Kunzite: I shall not fail you, my queen, both in destroying Sailor Moon and
in bed, I shall succeed!!
Zyocite: No my Queen! I'm the one who deserves to have fun!!
Beryl: Actually, you all suck, so I'm going to find someone who can do my
bidding, the right way!!!
Malacite: Bum bum bum!
Beryl: The question is who though....
Frieza: (breaks down the door ) ME!!!!
Queen Beryl: Huh? Who the hell are you?
Frieza: I am the almighty Frieza...
Zarbon/Kuwi: (appears behind him) And we're his faithful dips**ts!!!
Zarbon: I'm the gay one!!!
Frieza/Kuwi: No s**t, Sherlock!!
Zarbon: Hey, Frieza, you said she was naked!!
Frieza: Why don't find Dodoria and kick him in the nuts or something!!
Zarbon: Yes Master Frieza!! (he goes out to find Dodoria)
Beryl: Why should I let you be my faithful pet?
Frieza: Because I know of something that could bring me, I mean us, eternal
Beryl: And what is that?
Frieza: The seven dragonballs of Earth!!! Yes, that's right!! All we have
to do is invade Vegeta's hideout and steal them...
Kuwi: And then we can eat hot dogs!!
Frieza: (blows Kuwi's @$$ across the planet)
Kuwi: UGLY CHICK, MAN!!!
Beryl: Who's he calling ugly?!!??!
Frieza: Who cares, let's get started!!
Dave: And the rest of that is just plain sick, so let's change the scene.
Back at the AVALANCHE Hideout....
Dav: They're late, I wonder where they are?
Ami: I'm sure they'll be here soon.
Makoto: Well, they better hurry! We can't hold Usagi much longer!!
Usagi: Let me go! I need to search for the popsicles!!
Rei: Can't you get it through your meatball head? They don't have popsicles
Usagi: Yeah, that's what they ALL say! Like, the one time I went into the
supermarket and asked where the delicious cupcakes were, and this one guy
said, sorry lady, we don't have any. Now, drop your pants and let me have
Aeris: Then what did you do, Usagi?
Usagi: What else, I jabbed the moon stick into his nuts and then ran. Then,
he took off a mask and said his name was "The Don of Wall Mart" or something
Tifa: "The Don of Wall Mart?"
Barret: I think she means dat' foo' Don Corneo of Wall Market! That guy had
a potty for a brain it seemed like!!!!
Dav: Hey, they've arrived!!
(the crew goes out to greet the crew of the Yggdrasil)
Cloud: Hey and Bart and Fei!
Bart/Fei: Hey Cloud, great to see you again!
Cloud: Same here, this is my wife, Tifa Lockhart.
Aeris: My name is Aeris and I work in a small flower shop in the Sector 5
slums, and this is my husband, Vegeta.
Cait's friend: Fejita man!
Vegeta: SHUT UP!!!
Vincent: My name is Vincent Valentine.
Cid: Cid Highwind.
Red XIII: (rips a loud one off) My name is Nanaki, but my friends call me Red
Cait Sith: I'm Cait Sith, I work as an online psychic, matchmaker, preacher,
the whole nine yards!
Dav: As you remember, Bart and Fei, this is my wife, Ami and her friends are
Fei: This is my wife, Elly and that's Shitan Uzuki over there.
Citan: It's Citan, Citan, CITAN!! Please, Fei, get the name right!
Xenogears crew: SHUT UP, SHITAN!!
Rico: I am Ricardo, but call me Rico.
Billy: I am Billy Lee: MAN OF ACTION!!!
Emeralda: Emeralda...... farted.
Cloud: Great to meet all of you.
Bart: I've always wondered, why do you guys live in such a crappy place?
Can't you guys move out or something?
Cloud: We'll explain... (music of "Amish Paradise" begins playing)
Cloud: As I walk along the tracks of the Sector 5 train, I take a look around
the area and realize I'm really insane!
Cait Sith: But that's just normal for a citizen of the slums, where they live
without money and real juicy plums
(Turks and Rufus suddenly appear)
Rufus: At 2:30 in the morning, we're buying pot, but we only get half of our
Tseng: But if I've been sleeping and begging so long, that even President
Rufus thinks my mind is gone
(Sephiroth suddenly appears)
Sephiroth: I'm a man of the land, I'm into tasty gin!
Don Corneo: Gotta bottle in my hand at the Honey Bee Inn!
Elena: But when we're finish with our jobs, and you finish yours,
Rude: Then tonight we're gonna party as we loot the grocery stores!
Everyone: We've been spending most our lives, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Reno: We get booze at a real good price, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Cid: We drink tea and stomp on mice, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Johnny: (appears out of nowhere) We have fun with Tifa all night,
Cloud: (slashes him in half) Livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Red XIII: A rich couple came from the top plate last week,
Tifa: We smiled at them, but they showed off their big @$$ cheeks!
Dav: We really don't care since we're a poor town,
Reno: But will be laughing our heads off when the top plate falls down!
Vincent: But I'd never shoot a soldier even if he deserved it,
Bum 1: A bum with a tool you know is unheard of.
Bum 2: We never wear suits but we steal cool rags,
Bum 45: And friends and I always burn them in bags,
Red XIII: If you come to visit, you will die of the smell,
Weapon shop owner: We haven't even cleaned the landfill since May 1912
Bum 33: We ain't very rich, so please don't point and stare
Bum 11: We're just normal people like Cher!!
(Cher appears and starts singing)
Cher: There's no cars, no manors, no cable TV, not a single luxery!
Dav: It's all bums and a lot of food crumbs!
Bum 101: And not a single poterpoty!
Everyone: We've been spending most our lives, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Scarlet: Palmer in a thong does not look nice, livin' in a ShinRa paradise
Rude: We run around and start bar fights, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Dav: We kill Ramza once or twice, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Rufus: Mako is the money, mako is the power. Smoking weed every minute, hour
Cid: Being chased by a buggy, eating Vincent's tarts!
Cait Sith: Getting laid by Yuffie? I rather smell Red's smelly farts!
Everyone: We're the kind of people who like to jump off tall church steeples,
when we hit the ground with a thud, and covered in gooey mud!
Cloud: So don't be gay, and don't be shiny,
Barret: Or else ma' homies and I may have to get medieval on ya' hinny!
Everyone: We've been spending most our lives, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Aeris: We play with bombs and we play with knives, livin' in a Shinra Paradise
Red XIII: We all catch fleas and we all catch lice, livin' in a Shinra
Cloud: We all eat garbage and uncooked rice livin' in a Shinra Paradise!
Bart: Great song, guys!
Ami: Yeah, but I think it's time we should be heading off to the Gold Saucer?
Dav: Agreed, let's go everyone...
Cid: Damn!! Again!! Stop saying it like a wimp!! Can't you say "Move out
Dav: (shoves Atma Weapon straight up Cid's @$$)
Cid: %@^^%@%^#%^#%^#*%*%*%%#)%)%)%!!!! MY @$$!!!
Barret: Serves ya' right, you tea drinkin' foo'!!
Dav: Let's get going everyone! (they all board the Highwind and head off for
In North Corel...
Vegeta: Now THIS is a real bum town!
Usagi: I bet the food isn't any good either.
Dav: Well, luckily, we aren't staying here. I made reservations for all of
us to stay at the Ghost Hotel in the Gold Saucer.
Cid: Whoop-dee s**t!!
Tifa: Hey, now I can go and beat up that Mr. Hangman for looking up my skirt!
Aeris: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You even attract the puppets, Water tits!
Tifa: Flower Pussy!
Aeris: Water tits!!
Tifa: FLOWER PUSSY!
Aeris: WATER TITS! (starts to rumble around)
Joe: Ha ha ha ha....luckily, I brought my camera this time around! (takes
about a million pictures of Aeris and Tifa fighting and ripping each other's
Cait's friend: Tequila Man!
At the enterance of the Gold Saucer...
Vegeta: Ah! The was the worst ride ever!!
Tifa: Yeah! That damn thing gets slower everytime!!
Aeris: Just like Double-D's ability to be a slut!!!!
Tifa: (pounces on Aeris and they rumble around)
Barret: Damn! Dat's gettin' old fast you foo's!!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!!
Cid: Yeah, can't the author think of anything new!?!?!
Fei: What was that horrible odor in there?
Everyone: (looks at Red)
Red XIII: Don't look at me!
Joe: (takes out a naked picture of Lucy Lawless) Crap! They're on to us!
The Pic of Lucy Lawless: (laughs meniaclly)
Dav: I don't see anything wrong with this place so far, what about you, Ami-chan?
Ami: Notta thing.
Citan: (sees a bunch of fat chickens running around with their heads up their
@$$es) AHH!!! Those chickens will die of a heart attack if they don't burn
those calories! I must warn them, and then I will be a world-known hero!!
Rico: Keep dreaming, Shitan...
A fat @$$ chicken: Welcome to the Gold Saucer!
Cloud: Please shut up...
Fat Chicken: We have two main sections this time around!
Cloud: Please shut up...
Fat Chicken: We have the Normal Section and the new improved Gay Section!
Cloud: Please shut up...
Fat Chicken: You look like a homo so you would go to the Gay Section!
Cloud: I SAID SHUT THE F**K UP!!! (slices the chicken in half)
Vegeta: Who's in for roasted chicken tonight?
Citan: I forgot to warn him about his cholesterol level!!
Everyone: SHUDDAP SHITAN!!!
Citan: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP CALLING ME THAT!?!?! DO I LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF
S**T TO YOU OR SOMEONE TO S**T ON!?!?
Bart: Hey, it's not our fault that that's your name in the Japanese version
Hara: (my friend's chocobo; appears out of nowhere and takes a dump on Citan)
Joe: Hara! How did you get out!?!?!?
Hara: Wark! Wark! WARRRKKK!! (pees on Citan)
Joe: You kicked Choco Billy in the nuts and then ran!?!?!
Hara: (nods her head in agreement) Wark!! WARRRRKKKK!
Joe: And you brought some friends?
Hara: (nods) WARRRK!! (a bunch of chocobos come and s**t all over Citan)
Citan: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! (pukes all over Red)
Red XIII: AHHH!!! The smell! (pukes all over Citan)
Citan: AHHHH!!! Why me!?!?!? Huh!?!? Why me!?!?!?!?
Red XIII: Because you suck!!!
Citan: Boy, that's mean to say!
Everyone: Naw, really?
Tifa: Hey, is that who I think it is?
Aeris: Yeah, it IS him!!
Cait's friend: TEQUILA MAN!!!
Bruce Willis: Let me in, or you're gonna lose something precious!
Ticket Seller: NOOO!!! Not my monkey, Flabby! He didn't do anything to
Willis: Shut up and let me in, NOW!!!!!
Ticket Seller: Only if you leave Flabby out of this, you mean person!!
Willis: That's it! DIE YOU F**KER!!!! (blows the ticket guy's brains out for
the third time)
Cloud: Hey Bruce!!
Willis: Well, if it isn't Cloud and his pals, again! I see you've brought
some friends along.
Cloud: Yeah, this is the Xenogears crew.
Elly: Please to meet you! I'm Elly Van Houten and this is my husband Fei
Fong Wong (points behind her)
Cait's friend: Tequila Man!!
Minako: (has hearts in her eyes)
Willis: Huh? Cait's friend's real name is Fei Fong Wong?
Elly: Huh? (looks behind her) Hey! Where's Fei!?!?
Fei: Over here!! (is being surrounded by a bunch of gay chickens)
Chicken 1: Get outta here, homo! We don't take kindly to your type here!
Chicken 3: Now, Skeeter, he ain't hurtin' no one.
Chicken 1: Yeah right!! Just look at him, trying to hypnotize us with his
homo ways with that gay ponytail of his! Well, I don't think so!
Fei: Uhhhh.... I think you got the wrong person. Look, there's a homo over
there! (points to Citan)
Citan: Uh!?!?! Hey wait, I have a loving wife!
Fei: It's really his mama in disguise!
Chicken 2: RUSH 'EM BOYS!!
Citan: OH S**T!! (runs like hell with but the chickens tackle him and beat
the s**t out of him)
Fei: (joins the rest of the party) Sorry about that, anyway, I am the real
Fei Fong Wong.
Rico: My name is Ricardo Banderas, call me Rico.
Bart: I am Bart, the magnificent!
Emeralda: Me...Emeralda.... He Fei's Kim! (points to Fei)
Fei: Oh brother...
Billy: I'm Billy Lee: MAN OF ACTION!!
Bart: (cracks his whip and strangles Billy)
Ticket Seller: (appears out of thin air) Hey! That was mean! I'm calling
security on you!
Willis: Damn you!! How the hell do you keep coming back to life!?!?!
Ticket Seller: With an Instant Plot Devise....
Everyone inside the Gold Saucer: JUST ADD WATER!!!
Makoto: Let's say we go inside and have some fun!!
(they go inside)
Cloud: Well, it hasn't changed much since we last came.
Cait Sith: Don't be too sure! Something bad could still happen!
Dav: Like what? (suddenly, a rose comes flying down and knocks over Dav)
Everyone: HUH!?!?! (they all look up to see someone familiar)
Rei: IT CAN'T BE!!
Usagi: Tuxedo Kamen!?! Is that really you?
Mystery Person: No, it is I, TUXEDO BOB!! The son of Sephiroth!
Joe: The SON of Sephiroth!?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Bob: I shall be the prince of all things important in this world: Porn, porn,
and more porn!
Voice: Porn is just horny sluts showing off their bodies!! (figure appears
and reveals to be the real Tuxedo Kamen)
Bob: You gotta problem with that?
Tuxedo Kamen: It is wrong and it violates the women's body!
Bob: Shut up! (b***h slaps Tuxedo Kamen with a rolled up porn magazine)
Tuxedo Kamen: OWW!!! That hurt! How dare you slap me!
Bob: (B***h slaps Tuxedo Kamen again)
Tuxedo Kamen: That's it! Now, you've pushed me over my limit! (throws a bunch
of roses at Bob)
Bob: (holds out his porn magazine and the roses get stuck in it) What the...
MY PORN MAGAZINE!!!
Tuxedo Bob: Ha! Good always triumphs over lust! You have been defeated by
the forces of good. Give up now, and prepared to be healed by the Moon
Bob: I can't hear you! You're saying big words! (goes up to Tuxedo Kamen and
beats him down with his porn magazine)
Tuxedo Kamen: I'll be back, count on it! (flies off and runs into a nearby
Rei: What a fag!
Dav: Well, it's getting late, so let's go check into the Ghost Hotel and get
some rest for tomorrow! (they all head for Ghost Square)
Ami: Are you coming Mr. Willis?
Willis: Off course!
Joe: Off course!?!?
(the crew enters Ghost Square)
Barret: (starts to shiver) Dis' brings back memories of da' last time we was
Joe: Yeah, Richard Simmons tried to make us exercise in spandex!
(they all enter the hotel)
Vegeta: Shut up! (punches the Zombie)
Mr. Hangman: (does that gay scream of his) Hey!! Punching the zombie is a 5
gil fine, you mean person!
Vegeta: Oh yeah, and who's gonna make me pay it!?!?!
Mr. Hangman: Uhhhh...well....uh....
Dodoria: (comes rolling down the stairs) AHHHHHHH!!!! THEY'RE TRYING TO
Zarbon: Hang on, Dodoria, I'll save you... WAHHHHHHHHH!!!! (slips on some
spilled gin in the hallway)
Rats: CHARGE!! (runs after him)
Dodoria: (rolls over Cait's friend)
Cait Sith: Oh my God, he killed my friend!
Cloud: You... (sees Cait's friend get up)
Cait's friend: Tequila man!!
Zarbon: (smashes Cait's friend)
Cait Sith: Oh my God, he killed my friend!
Cait's friend: (gets up) Tequila man!!
Mr. Hangman: Dammit! Give me the money!
Tifa; Hey balls for brains, remember me?
Mr. Hangman: DO I!?!?!?
Tifa: EAT THIS!! (does her chain of limit breaks on Mr. Hangman and he dies)
Cait Sith: JUST EAT IT!!
Dav: Uhhhh....let's just get to our rooms.
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Minako: Uhhh..ex...excuse me....uh...sir.... (walks up to Cait's friend)
Cait's friend: Tequila man?
Minako: Uh...hi, my name is Minako. I couldn't help noticing how cute you were.
Cait's friend: (starts blushing) Tequila man!
Minako: Well, I was wondering, do you want to go out with me?
Cait's friend: TEQUILA MAN!!!
Minako: Uh.....was that a yes or a no?
Cait's friend: Tequila Man!!
Minako: I'll take that as a yes, so, do you want to come up to my room?
Cait's friend: TEQUILA TEQUILA TEQUILA! (grabs Minako and races up to her room)
Aeris: Is it just me, or is this fic getting weirder and weirder?
Tifa: It's just you, flower pussy!
Aeris: (slaps Tifa and they start to rumble again)
Cid: Can't we ever get a f**king break!?!?!
The crew goes up to their rooms
In Dav and Ami's room...
Ami: You know, Dav, I've been thinking.
Dav: About what?
Ami: Well, I feel we forgot something, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
Dav: Well, whatever it is, I'm sure it's not important. Let's get some sleep.
In Fei and Elly's room...
Elly: (coming out of the bathroom, in lingerie) Fei, I have a surprise for
you... WHAT THE F**K!?!?!?
Id: I'm Id!
Elly: Fei? What happened to you?
Id: Fei isn't here! I'm Id!
Elly: Well, whoever you're pretending to be, Fei, all that counts is that you
can get it up and get it up good!
(and the rest is history...)
In the morning.....
Cloud: Ahhh, after I took that five minute piss, I feel much more refreshed now.
Red XIII: The gas is past everyone.
Everyone: Ah s**t!!!
Cid: THAT'S IT!!! I'm sick of this s**t!! When was the last time the author
put an original idea in this fic!?!?!
Dave: (has shades on like Duke Nukem) You have a problem, punk?
Cid: YEAH!! THINK UP SOME ORIGINAL IDEAS!!
Dave: (mimics Cid)
Cid: WHAT!?!?!? ARE YOU MOCKING ME!?!?
Dave: (mimics Cid)
Cid: HEY!!! STOP THAT DAMMIT!!!
Dave: (mimics Cid)
Cid: THAT'S IT!! I'M GOING ON STRIKE!!! DON'T EXPECT ME TO HELP OUT PERIOD!!
Dave: Fine, suit yourself. (turns Cid into a duck)
Cid: %@%^^@@....quack quack!
Everyone: (laughs and points at Cid)
Cid: QUACK!! QUACK QUACK QUACK!!
Dave: Whahahahahahaha!! (disappears)
Barret: (pokes Cid) Can you drink tea now, little duckie?
Cid: (bites Barret's nose)
Barret: AHHHH!! Get it off me!!
Aeris: (takes her rod aand swings but misses Cid and hits Barret in the eye) Bad
Barret: Dat wasn't Cid, dat was me!!
Cid: (falls off) QUACK QUACK YOU MONKEY!!
Vegeta: Hmph! (holds out his hand and fires an energy beam out)
Cid: (flies out of the hotel and lands somewhere)
Cloud: Hmmm... their late. Where's Dav, Ami, Bruce Willis and the others?
Minako: (comes down with a sad look on her face)
Cait Sith: Huh? Hey, Minako, what's wrong?
Minako: He's....he's.... *sniff*....he's dead...
Vincent: Who is dead?
Minako: Cait.....Cait's....Cait's friend....Cait's friend is dead.....
Cloud: So what else is new.
Minako: We were in bed, happy as can be when...
Everyone: WHAT!?!?! (barfs on Red)
Red XIII: (mauls everyone)
Tifa: You did it with....
Cait Sith: MY FRIEND!?!?!
Minako: Yeah, do you have a problem with that?
Cid: Quack quack!!
Barret: Ya can tell us what happened, just spare us da' details!
Minako: Well, I think I may have made him go into overdrive..... he began singing
the Batman song, then he sang he loved pina colada and then he smiled, burped
and went to sleep.
Red XIII: Well, he died a happy man for once.
Aeris: (snaps her fingers) Damn!!
Dav: (coming down the stairs with Ami) Good morning, did I miss anything?
Red XIII: Only my horrible fate....
Cid: Quack! QUACK!!!
Vincent: You didn't miss anything important.
Dav: Well, that's good to hear. How are you enjoying the honeymoon so far, Ami-chan?
Ami: Oh Dav, it's been great! I wish this moment would never end! (they kiss)
Cait Sith: I wish it would.....
Suddenly, the crew hears a noise...
Citan: AHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh......... (falls out of the Yggdrasil into the
Sand Worm: (eats Citan)
Dav: Hey, since when did the Yggdrasil come?
Cloud: And since when did they decide to leave?
Cait Sith: And since when have they actually solved....an unsolved mystery?
Vegeta: Find out this crap and more, on the next minute of "This Boring Gay
Aeris: Oh Vegeta, you can be so creative!!
Vegeta: I know.
Fei: (comes running down the stairs) Hey guys!!
Vincent: Why did everyone decide to leave?
Fei: Well...... let's just say the author persuaded them to leave so their
wouldn't be as many characters for the upcoming fight.
Cloud: What upcoming fight?
Fei: The upcoming fight..... that I'm not supposed to tell you about......
Aeris: Don't hide secrets from us!! What are you.... (gets interrupted)
Usagi: (stumbles down the stairs drunk off her @$$). I am Shailor Moon,
Champion of popshicles!! Duuuuhhhh!
Rei: USAGI!! How did you get drunk!!??!
Usagi: I'm drunk off.....popshicles..... duhhh (passes out)
Ami: Oh my, Usagi!
Makoto: She'll be okay, she found a pack of "Bartweiser" in her room.
Everyone: What the...!?!?
Fei: Uhh.....well...Usagi...the truth is.....Bart raped you in the shower!
Usagi: Yesh, showers have popshicles, lionsh and tigersh and bearsh hash
Makoto: Oh my!!!
Dav: Well..... let's not let this spoil our honeymoon. C'mon Ami-chan!
Tifa: Hey, where did Bruce Willis go?
Willis: (appears in the lobby) Sorry guys, I had to take care of some
Cloud: What kind of business?
Bob: (busts in the hotel) I am back!!! Now, give me back my porn magazine you
Willis: Hey, shut up and don't talk unless you're spoken to!!
Bob: But you have my porn magazine!!
Willis: Well..... (walks over to a nearby window and throws the magazine out)
Bob: AHHHHH!! My porn magazine!!! NOOOOO!! (jumps out the window and slams
into the ground)
Kefka: Burning time!! (jumps out after Bob with his lighter)
Cloud: Anyway, let's go have some fun!!
Cloud: I meant, have fun as in..... having fun!!
Tifa: Ahhh, I get it.
In another room upstairs...
Frieza: That's the stuff..... LIPTON!!!
Beryl: It's Brisk, dumb@$$!
Frieza: Brisk, Lipton, what's the difference?
Beryl: All I have on my mind is trying to get revenge on those Sailor Senshi for
destroying my plans to take over the world!!
Frieza: And all I want to do is collect all seven dragonballs....which reminds
me, how about some more?
Beryl: Dammit, Frieza, is that all you think about is sex!?!?
Frieza: .........I love you!
Beryl: I don't feel like you do! All you care about are those dragonball
Frieza: Ah, honey, I leave some room for you too! See?
Zarbon: (bursts into the room) Master Frieza!
Zarbon: Hey! Now she's naked! Heheheheheheheheeheeheehee!!!
Frieza: What the living hell do you want!?!?!
Zarbon: I came to report that Vegeta and his friends have been spotted here, and
that Dodoria's head is stuck in the toilet next door.
Rat 1: Works like a charm, don't it?
Rat 65: Yup, we showed that fat pink thing a thing or two about insulting us!
Rat 13: We can rule the world now!
Rat 4: .....Eh, I;m tired, I'm gonna take a nap.
Rat 1221: Same here, I might as well watch the "All Rat, All the Time" channel.
(all the rats go back to their home)
Frieza: Zarbon, find the excat location of Vegeta and then inform me
Beryl: And see if you can find those pesky Sailor Senshi while you're at it.
Zarbon: You mean those school girls in mini-skirts? I was staring up their
skirts earlier. I think I might enjoy a night or two with one of them....
Old Woman: HEY GIRLY MAN!!! KEEP IT QUIET!!
Zarbon: Why should I!??! You have a weak fighting power!
Old Woman: Oh yeah, well EAT THIS! (runs up to Zarbon and hits him on the head
with a dough roller)
Zarbon: Ouchies!!! That hurts lady! Stop it!
Old Woman: This will teach to you to shut up when you're told! (chases Zarbon up
and down the hallways).
Frieza: So......Vegeta IS here after all..... I'm going to need some back up. I
better go and call the remaining Ginyu Force for back-up. Ha ha ha...
hehehehehehaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...AHHHH!! (falls out of his bed). Ouch! I think
I broke my @$$!
At the Station....
Cloud: So, where should we split up to?
Ami: I hear there's a romance play going on. How about we buy tickets and go
see it, Dav?
Dav: Yeah, that sounds cool.
Ami: You're so sweet! (kisses Dav on the cheek)
Dav: (turns red) I know....
Vegeta: I'm up for some game playing, so I'm headed off to Wonder Square.
Usagi: Ooooo!! Oooo!! Bring me! Bring me!
Vegeta: Hmph! (heads off to Wonder Square with Usagi following)
Aeris: Well, I guess Red and I will go shopping.
Red XIII: Ah man, why do I have to go shopping!!??!?
Aeris: Well, the last time I took Vegeta shopping with me, he blew up half of
the mall trying to vaporize a kid who stole his scouter.
Kid: (pops out with the scouter) Heh heh heh heh!! I still have it too!!
Vegeta: NOT FOR LONG YOU LITTLE S**T!!! BIG BANG ATTACK!! (bolt comes out of
the Wonder Square tunnel and blows the kid into another dimension)
Red XIII: (sniffs the burnt remains) UGH!!! It smells like Yuffie's
chicken-on-a-whatch ma call it dish!!
Tifa: Hey, Cloud, do you wanna go on the Gondola?
Cloud: Do I!!! (grabs Tifa's hand and runs to Round Square with her).
Fei: I think I'll check out the Battle Arena. I need to improve my fighting
The other Senshi except for Minako: We'll go with you!!!
Minako: Go ahead and go without me. I'll be right back! (flies off somewhere)
Barret: Where does that leave us?
Vincent: Excuse me for a second..... (flies off somewhere)
Joe: Where's he going?
Barret: Probably to Anderson's tool shed or something.
Cait Sith: How about we go to the roller coaster?
Joe: Yeah.... how about we DO go on the roller coaster? (starts thinking)
Aeris: I'm sorry, you'll have to excuse my friends. They're a little.... tense
right now, but if you could, please let Red on so we can drop this whole matter.
Ticket Lady: (concentrating on Aeris' tits) Who's Red?
Aeris: THE DOG!!!
Ticket Lady: Oh I'm sorry I was.... distracted. I'll allow it on one condition.
Ticket lady: (rips her shirt open) Suck 'em baby! Suck 'em hard!
Aeris: You gay @$$ lesbo!!!!!!!!!
Ticket lady: Come one baby. I know you want to. Go ahead, suck 'em! (Ticket lady
licks Aeris's ear)
Aeris: Get away from me you f**king queer!
Red XIII: (looks over at the Ticket lady) Hello!!!!!!!!!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Red XIII: You said it!!!!!!!! (Red starts to howl)
Ticket lady: I'll suck yours if you suck mine! (rips Aeris's dress open)
Aeris: F**k no!!!!!!!!! You go to hell! You go to hell and you die! (pushes
Ticket lady onto the track just as a roller coaster came. It ran over her)
Ticket lady: Oh poopy!
Red XIII: Dammit Aeris! You ruined a perfectly good site for us!
Cait's friend: Tequila man!
Aeris: You both are perverted little b*****ds just like Cloud and Cid!
Red XIII: And we're proud of it!
(End of flashback)
Barret: Joe....Joe! HEY JOE!!!
Joe: Hehehehehehehehehehehe!! SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!!
Cait Sith: I think Joe has porno on the brain.
Barret: Yeah, just like Bob.
Cid: Quack quack quack!!!
Urkel: (chasing Cid) Help!! My science project is getting away!!!! Eh
Urkel: I'm gonna name you Laura after my love of my life...ACK! (slams into a
Cait Sith: Is that who we think it is?
Joe: Yeah, isn't that Donald Duck?
Cait Sith: That guy in the suspenders DOES resemble Donald Duck... maybe they're
Barret: Could be.
Urkel: Hehehehehehehehehe! (snorts) Come here ducky....AHHHH! (trips and crushes
Cid: Quack..... quack.... ugh!
Urkel: Oooooops!! Did I do that?
Everyone: YES YOU DID!!!
Suddenly, an energy blast comes out of nowhere and goes right through Urkel.....
Joe: Yeah!! The nerd is dead....
Cait Sith: Let's chop off his head!!
Urkel: One more thing.....please tell....Laura....I want....her.... uhh...
Barret: Yeah!! He's dea...
Urkel: Oh yeah, please tell my little froggies.....*cough*...that they were my
bestest friends..... ugh..
Barret/Joe/Cait: YEAH!! HE's...
Urkel: And please tell my goldfish...
Barret: WOULD YA JUST F**KIN' DIE ALREADY!?!?!? (does his Big Shot limit break
and blows Urkel's head to pieces)
Voice: Ah shucks! I thought he would explode! Heh heh heh....get it? BOOM!!
Cait Sith: Who's there!??!!?
Voice 2: What you shut up already!?!? You're making my hair hurt!!
Vioce: But, booms are funny!
Barret: Those voices....
Cait Sith: They sound familiar....
Voice/Voice 2: Hehheheheheheheheheheheheh!! (comes out of the shadows)
Barret: IT CAN'T BE!!!
Cait Sith: HOLY DILDOS!!!
The two figures reveal themselves to be.....
In Event Square....
Ami: I read this play was supposed to be romantic.
Dav: Then it'll fit the mood just perfect.
Ami: (kisses Dav on the cheek)
(suddenly, an alarm goes off)
Tikcet Guy: Congratulations! You two love birds are our 100th couple in the
past year! You will star in tonight's romance play!
Ami: Oh Dav! This will be so much fun!!
Dav: Wait a minute, don't we have to study the script or at least the back of a
Ticket Guy: It's easy! Just play along and the rest of the cast will fill in
Ami: Oh, it won't be that bad. Come on Dav!
(the two head off backstage to get ready for the play)
Announcer: It was a dark, dreary day in the heart of Funcoland....
Guy 1: Hey! That's the name of that one store!
Announcer: No s**t, Sherlock! Ahem! Now, as I was saying, it was a dark and
dreary day in Funcoland. The little elf people were at war with the little
Mog-wanna be people. One day, a shadow was casted upon their landfill.... I
mean, land, and the EDK kidnapped the princesses of both kingdoms! What will
happen to the princesses?
EDK: I will answer that! They will be raped, raped and....raped!!
Announcer: It's not your line yet, dumb@$$!!!!!
EDK: I'm sorry....
Announcer: Anyway, what will happen to the princesses?
Dav: The world may never know....
King Funco: Oh please save my beloved daughter so she doesn't get raped by the
Dav: Uh..... wrong line......
King Funco: Huh? Oh.... I mean, that EDK! He sucks!! Dav, you're the dragoon
for the job!!
Dav: I will do my best....right after I eat some chow!
Announcer: The dragoon kept his word, as he ate steak and potato soup, and on
the magical pogo stick, he slooooooowly bounced toward the EDK's castle.
EDK: (carries Ami and the other princess on stage and ties them up) Mommy! Mee
EDK's mom: (voice from backstage) Shut your f**king face, uncle f**ker!!
EDK: I'm sorry......
Ami: What do you plan to do to us, oh evil bad dragon king?
EDK: Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
hee hee hee........
EDK's Mom: Keep it down in there, you f**king terd! Can't you f**king talk
without f**king laughing like a f**king hynea that f**king f**ks it's f**king
leg that it keeps in it's f**king basement!??!?!?!
EDK: Sorry mommy! Can I still have my cookies though?
EDK's Mom: You f**king cannot!
Ami: Your mom has one heck of a potty mouth.
Princess Moglog: Kupo poopo!
Dav: (in a dragoon suit, comes on stage but falls down) Ha! I will save you, my
Announcer: Oh man!! The Dragoon of Funcoland has appeared to save his princess!
Ami: Oh Dav....I mean, dragoon, help me escape this place of torture!
Dav: It shall be done! Move aside, d**khead! (pushes the EDK into the curtain,
in which it gets torn in half and a HUGE nude pic of a blonde girl is revealed)
Person 2: What the...!?!?!
Person 32: A naked chick?
Person 12: And it says "Bring out the booze?"
Person 53: Bring out the booze!!
Person 197: What will the children think!?!?!
Child 4: What will the Elf People think!??!!?
Krillin: What will Android 18 think!?!?!
Android 18: Not a bad view....
Android 17: Does anyone here have that chick's phone number?
Android 14: Son Goku.....
Dr. Gero: You don't deserve no phone number! You don't even have..... that one
Android 17: Damn d**k! DIE....again!! (kicks his head off and stomps on it...
Nelson: HA HA!!
Android 17: Do you find something funny?
Android 17: Oh well, I guess I will kick YOUR head off for no reason then!!
(kicks Nelson's head off)
Nelson's head: Ha....ha....
Android 18: Number 17, can't you be a little less violent?
Android 17: Nope!!
Android 19: Let's go play soccer!
Android 15: (takes a shot of booze)
(All the androids go and play soccer with Nelson's head)
Cecil: How come they didn't invite us?
Rydia: Who cares? Just pay attention to the stage!
EDK: (gets up) You damn d**khead!! Look at what you've done now!!!
EDK: You've ruined the entire play..... AND MY REPUTATION!!!!
Dav: Hey, it can happen to anyone!
EDK: I won't forgive you! UURRRRGGGGGGHHHH!! (charges at Dav)
Dav: Oh brother.... (holds out Atma Weapon and impales the EDK on it) I haven't
done that in a while! (unties Ami)
Ami: Thank you Dav! (gives him another kiss)
Rydia: How come you never do that to me!?!?!
Cecil: I....I....I really don't know..... I've never actually thought about
doing such complcated motions with my face...
Rubicant: Ah! I found you! You can't escape from me, Paladin man!!
Cecil: (goes downtown on Rubicant with his sword)
Announcer: HEY!!! YOU B*****D!! YOU RUNIED MY PLAY!! DAMN YOU!
Ami: Shut the f**k up, blabbermouth!!! SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!! (freezes the
Dav: Excuse me, Ami-chan. I'm gonna go get some popcorn. Why don't you keep the
audience entertained until I get back?
Dav goes off to get popcorn while Ami stays and frees the actor that played
Ami: There you go!
Moglog: Kupo!! (runs off)
Ami: Strange creature.... (hears a shattering noise and sees ice falling from
the balcony) Huh?
Voice: Heh heh heh heh heh heh!! Where's the babes? With my height, they can't
hide their "caves of wonder!" Whahahahahaha!!
Ami: Who's there!?!?!?
Voice: I'm here! Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh!!! (figure reveals himself to
Ami: Oh no! MERCURY STAR POWER! MAKE-UP!!! I better call the other Senshi!!
Speaking of the other senshi, let's see what Minako's up to...
Minako: (at the Hideout and summons the Eternal Dragon)
Dragon: I am the eternal dragon. You have summoned me, therefore, you get to
have one wish and one wish only.... BURP!! Excuse me....now, what it your wish?
Minako: I wish that the alcoholic, Cait Sith's friend, would be brought back to
Dragon: Your wish cannot be granted.
Minako: WHAT!?!?!? Explain why not!!
Dragon: It is against the contract of the dragon to bring back to life anyone
who cusses out the dragon, anyone who goes to the bathroom on the dragon and
anyone who sings, "Rock the Dragon".
Minako: How does Cait's friend fit into any of those categories!??!
Dragon: He doesn't, I'm just lazy right now. Summon me in two hours and I will
grant you your wish.....goodbye for now.... (disappears)
Minako: Oh f**k!! (hears her communicator bleep) What is it?
Ami: Minako-chan! Come quick! An enemy is attacking the Gold Saucer!
Minako: Okay, I'll be right there, but we better destroy it in two hours!!!
Ami: Why two hours?
Minako: I'll explain later.... VENUS STAR POWER! MAKE-UP!!! (transforms and flies off back
to the Gold Saucer)
Back at the Gold Saucer, in the new casino section.......
Sephiroth: Do you have a 5, Grahf?
Grahf: Nope, go fish, and I will grant unto thee, the power of the glorious...
Seifer: Dude, shut up with that line!! Didn't your mommy teach you not to be
Grahf: I never had a mommy, so I wouldn't know.
Kefka: I would!! Who ho ho ho ho!! (lights his cards on fire) Ho ho ho ho!!
Grahf: Anyway, Kefka, do you have a....... a K?
Kefka: Yeah, I have two K's.... IN MY NAME!! Ho ho ho ho ho!!
Seifer: (mumbles) Whatta dumbass.....
Kefka: Sephiroth, do you have some weird one eyed face guy?
Sephiroth: Sorry, go fish!!
Kefka: Oh goody! More cards to burn!! (takes the rest of the deck)
Sephiroth: Seifer, do you have an 8?
Seifer: AH f**k! (hands Sephiroth two cards)
Raijin: Seifer, oh pal, ya' suck at this game, ya' know?
Fujin: QUEIT!!! (kicks Raijin in the shin)
Seifer: Does this pattern ever end?
Grahf: It's the song that never ends....
Sephiroth/Seifer: Yes, it goes on and on my friend!!
Kefka: Some people, started singing it and don't know where to stop!
Bob: (barges in) Hey dad, guess what!??!!?
Sephiroth: Dammit, son!! You just messed up our song!!
Bob: I'm sorry, but...
Sephiroth: No butts!!! For that, you will suffer a fate much MUCH MUCH worse
then death itself....
Bob: No, daddy, not that...
Sephiroth: Yes, that's right, for interrupting the song, I'll have Kefka....BURN
YOUR PORN MAGAZINES!!!!
Kefka: Who ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!!!!
At the Gondola.....
Tifa: It's beautiful, isn't it?
Cloud: Yeah, the fireworks are really spatacular this evening.
Tifa: Uh....Cloud, I have....something to say....
Cloud: What is it?
Cloud: Tifa, I already know you're gonna say you love me! Damn, I could see it
coming since the first time we went on this thing!!
Claude (from Star Ocean 2): I think everyone should marry their cousins!
Cloud: Who the hell are you?
Claude: I am just a figment of your imagination...
Tifa: If that's the case, I must have one screwed up imagination!
Cloud: Get the f**k off, d**khole!! (grabs Claude and smashed his nose in)
Claude: You can't do that!! It's against the code....
Cloud: I SAID GET OFF YOU DiCRAPIO WANNA-BE!!! (throws Claude off and a firework
blows him up)
Tifa: Now that is one screwed up little boy.
Cloud: Well, now that he is out of the way, wanna go at it?
Tifa: F**K YEAH!! (strips and jumps on top of Cloud)
Crowd: Whoooo hoo!!!
Cloud: Huh? (looks over the edge and sees about a ton of people staring up at
them) Ack! Tifa! We're being violated!! (looks down on the crowd) Why don't
all take a picture? It lasts longer!!
Crowd: (takes a million pictures)
Cloud: Damn! They had to bring their cameras didn't they!?!?!
Tifa: Just stay calm and we'll think of a way to get out of this.... in the mean
time though, let's finish what we started!
Cloud: Okay.... (here's a rumbling sound) What the..... what the hell is
that..... No way! It can't be....!!!
Barney: I love you! You love me! We are a happy....)
Cloud: Shut up and DIE FOR GOOD! ULTIMA!!! (fires off the green blast and
Barney: Ohhh hooooooo.... (dies)
Tifa: Ah.....peace and quiet at last......
Cloud: Pretty isn't it?
Tifa: It is..... what the hell?
Cloud: What is it?
Tifa: Over there!! Look!
Cloud: What the......... !?!?!? Oh f**k!! Not again!
Tifa: What are we gonna do!?!?
Cloud: JUMP!! (grabs Tifa and jumps out of the Gondola just as a firework blows
it up again)
Tifa: Whew! We made it!!
Cloud: AHHHH!!!! MY REAR'S ON FIRE!!!
Tifa: Oh no!!
Cloud: Put it out! Put it out!!
Tifa: Okay! (spreads her legs and...)
Cloud: No! The fire!
Tifa: Oh, my bad! (somehow gets on top of him and starts spanking him)
Cloud: Ouchies! It hurts!
Tifa: I'm trying my best here!!
Cloud and Tifa fall into a pile of balloons, where they also catch on fire. Two
firemen come out and spray Cloud and the balloons down.
Cloud: YIIIIKKESSS!! That s**t's COLD!!!
Tifa: I'm so glad!!
At Battle Square....
Announcer: Fei Fong Wong, please report to the battling room to battle!
Fei: (smashes the statue of Dio) Well, I'm warmed up!!
Rei: (hearts in her eyes) I have a phone, you can call me!
Makoto: (also has hearts in her eyes) I have an oven can cook for you!
Dave: Think God she's not after me anymore! (read Celebrity Deathmatch 3 to
Makoto: THERE YOU ARE!!
Dave: Ah crap! Not again! (runs like hell)
Makoto: (stars to chase me when her communicator goes off) What is it?
Ami: Mako-chan, come quick! There's an enemy invasion!
Makoto: Damnit! I was finally about to catch the author, and now THIS!!
Ami: I'm sorry that your love life sucks, but there're more important matters to
Makoto: Oh all right! JUPITER STAR POWER! MAKE-UP!!! (transforms and flies off)
Fei: Ehhhh...... that was.....weird.....
Rei: (now as Sailor Mars) Excuse me, but I have some business to take care of.
See ya! (flies off)
Fei: That was.....also weird..... naked chicks...... interesting.....
Announcer: Fei Fong Wong, your mommy just called and said she baked you a cake!
Fei: My mom is dead, dumb@$$! (blows the speaker up with an energy projectile)
(Battle Arena music starts playing)
Fei: Okay, who will my first opponent be?
Sandworm: (appears and smiles like a doughnut)
Fei: Well, I better cast...HASTE!! (casts Haste on himself)
Sandworm: (casts earthquake on Fei)
Fei: (dripping with sarcasm) Ouch, that REALLY hurt..... DIE!!! (does his
Fukei deathblow and blows the sandworm away) Who's next?
Ochu: (appears) BLAH!!!
Fei: Oh brother..... (does a normal, 4-hit combo on Ochu and kills it) Now what?
Announcer: Next, it's the Unknown 1!!
Fei: The Unknown 1!?!?! Who's that!?!
Ramza: (flies through the wall and smashes into the Unknown, killing it) YAY!!
I get to fight!!
Ramza: Hey! I recognize you!! You're one of those mean people that kicked me
out of the ship!!
Fei: How the hell did you get here!?!?
Ramza: The sandworm spat me out and here I am!
Fei: DIE FOR GOOD!! (charges at Ramza)
Ramza: What did I ever.....UGH!! (gets punched in the stomach) That was mean! I'm gonna be mean to you now!! FIRE!!
Fei: (dodges it and lights the announcer on fire)
Kefka: (from the back, lighting Bob's porn magazines on fire) Who ho ho ho ho ho
ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!
Fei: Take this!! (picks up a rock and throws it)
Ramza: (dodges it) HA!! You missed!! Ha ha ha..... AHHHH!!
Fei: (smashes his elbow into Ramza's ugly face)
Ramza: AHHHHhhHHH!!! My face!! It's messed up!!
Fei: It took you this long just to figure that out!?!?!?!? (grabs Ramza, and
gives him a wedgie)
Fei: (lands and runs up and kicks Ramza's face numerous times)
Ramza: I surrender! I surrender!
Fei: Okay......NOT!!! (blows Ramza away with his Yamikei deathblow)
Ramza: I waaaaaaaaaaantttttttt
Deeeeeeeeeeelllllllliiiiiiiiiittttttttaaaaa........(flies out of the Gold Saucer
and into the ocean)
Fei: Who's next!??!?
Vahn: (from Legend of Legaia, comes out)
Fei: Are you my opponent?
Vahn: (smiles and flicks Fei off)
Fei: Why you little s**t eater!?!?! I'm gonna get you!!
Vahn: (flicks him off again)
Fei: DAMMIT!!! SAY SOMETHING BESIDES FLICKING ME OFF!!
Vahn: (pauses for a minute, and then flicks off Fei, again)
Fei: That's it!!! Now you're in trouble!! RETARD SONG BLAST!! (casts the
stupid magic spell I made up on Vahn)
Vahn: (pauses for a moment)
Vahn: (starts singing the gay @$$ song, "Blue") A blue little window and little
blue house, and a little blue toilet, and a little blue mouse, and everything
Author's Note: That's not how the gay song goes, but oh well.
Everyone at Battle Square: (covers their ears)
Woman: Someone make him stop!!!
Vahn: I'm Blue, if I was pink I'd be gay! If I was pink, I'd be gay!
Kefka: WHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooo!! (sets himself on fire
Fei: Please!! Shut up!!!
Vahn: If I was pink, I'd be gay! If I was pink, I'd be gay!!
Plane: (drops a bomb on Vahn and blows him to hell)
Voice: Hahahahahahahahaha!!! Good job kid, but do you have the power to defeat
Fei: Who's there!?!?!?!
Voice: You'll see.....
(figure reveals himself to be...)
At the new shopping center....
Aeris: Gotta have the Coco Puffs! (grabs a box)
Red XIII: Hey.....what's this? Depends?
Aeris: Now, Red, those adult diapers are for people who have bladder problems
..... like Parappa the Rapper.
Red XIII: Ah, I get it now!! Do you think Barret will need those anytime soon?
Aeris: I doubt it, but just in case, let's get them anyway.
Red XIII: Ya' know, shopping with you isn't so bad Aeris.....Aeris? Where did
Aeris: (notices a person giving out free samples) I HAVE to have those microwave
tacos!! (grabs the entire sample tray and eats all of the tacos)
Sampler: Uh....miss, you were only supposed to get one. Now, what am I gonna
Aeris: Hey, slobber pants, shut up!! Can't you see I'm pregnant?
Aeris: I said shut up!! (smacks the sampler person in the head with the tray and
sends him flying into a nearby food rack)
Red XIII: Feeling better?
Red XIII: Hey, I've been meaning to ask you, why haven't you mentioned anything
about your baby in a while?
Aeris: Vegeta doesn't like it when I talk about the baby all the time. He says
it would give it low self-esteem and it would turn into someone like Goku.
Red XIII: Ah, I get it now.....I think..... and I STILL don't get why Tifa calls
you flower pussy.
Aeris: And you never will either, so shut up with that before I smack you on the
head with these bags!!
Red XIII: (sniffs up Aeris' skirt) Huh? You were saying...
Aeris: (smacks Red with her shopping bags) Don't do that again!!
Red XIII: I can't help it if my animal instincts go out of control!
Aeris: Ah! Here's a copy of Final Fantasy VI!! I know Dav will love this game,
since one of his ancestors is in it.
Red XIII: (hears a burping noise) Huh....... what the......
Voice: Ahhhhh..... that hits the spot!! (farts)
Aeris: Hey Red, what's going on?
Red XIII: I smell a nasty fart coming this way.... and it ain't mine either!!
Voice: (starts to trash the place) Give me a knuckle sandwich!! I WANT A
KNUCKLE SANDWICH!!! AHHHHHHH!!!
Aeris/Red XIII: Who the hell.....
(the figure turns out to be......)
In Wonder Square....
Vegeta: I guess I'll watch a little TV before I go play some games..
Usagi: You read my mind!!
Author's Note: Is it just me, or does anyone else get the feeling that Usagi
might like Vegeta?
TV(Bob Saget): Huh huh huh huh!! And then my goldfish fell and my dog ate it!
Huh huh huh huh!!
TV(Audience): (pretends to laugh)
Vegeta: Oh God!! Not this piece of crap show!!!
TV(Bob Saget): Then, a lawnmower busted into my house, squeaked and mowed over
my table. Then my wife said Ouch!
TV(Audience): (pretends to laugh again)
Vegeta: How corny can this fag get!?!?!? His nose even resembles Canon
Usagi: Oh please SOMEONE MAKE HIM STOP!!!!
TV(Bob Saget): Okay, get this.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
TV(Ganondorf): (appears at the set) Freeze! You suck!
TV(Bob Saget): Why do you say that?
TV(Ganon): You say stupid jokes, you have a gay show and your nose looks like
MINE!!! That's a serious offense you know!!
TV(Bob Sagat): Well, I'm sorry, it's called my DNA!!
TV(Ganon): DNA, SpeeNa, whatever! (forms that bolt and hits Bob Fagot with it)
Usagi: (hears her communicator bleep) What is it? I'm busy!!
Minako: Hey Usagi-chan! Ami-chan called and told me there was an intruder at the Gold
Saucer! She wants us to meet her at Event Square ASAP!
Usagi: Minako, Minako, Minako! Dav is with her, so we shouldn't worry!
Minako: ......Dav went to get popcorn.
Usagi: WHAT!??!!? Well, that........mean person!! What kind of a husband
would leave their wife to fight the forces of evil for popcorn?
Vegeta: That describes you very well!
Usagi: Hey!! You stay out of this, and I'm not a guy!!
Vegeta: (dripping with sarcasm) Ooops, my mistake.... (heads off to play some
Usagi: What a jerk...
Minako: Usagi-chan!! Call the other Senshi, and warn them about the intruder!
Usagi: I'll do my best! MOON CRYSTAL POWER! MAKE-UP!!! (transforms into Sailor Moon)
Yeah! That's more like it!
Pervert 3: Nice @$$, baby!
Pervert 122: Man, those are a nice set of tits you got there!
Pervert 44: I think I wet my pants..... (runs off)
Sailor Moon: (blushes) Thanks for your complements, but I must go. I have
important matters to attend to. (flies off toward Event Square)
Mean kid: FART!!!!
Sailor Moon: What the.....AHHHH!! (slams into a wall) Ouch.....
In the other part of Wonder Square....
Gohan: (playing the motorcycle game against another kid) EEEEUUAAHAHH!!! BAM!
BAM! BAM! DIE!!
Kid: I am the supreme ruler of this bike game!! No one shall beat me!!
Gohan: Oh yeah? Uh..... some energy move I have!!!! (somehow, does the move on
the other kid's bike and blows his @$$ away)
Kid: HEY!! That was cheap!!
Gohan: Heh heh heh heh!!! Wanna a Sensu Bean?
Kid: DADDY!! This kid cheated!!
Freddy: Really son? Let's get him, gang! (charges at Gohan)
Gohan: (gets into defensive stand)
Freddy: Huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh.... oooops! My shoe is untied!
(bends down to tie his shoe)
Piccolo: Makkankosappo!! (shoots the beam right through Freddy's sorry @$$ and
blows him in half)
(over at the 3-D battler game)
Goku: C'mon.... I got to win!!
Chi-Chi: Use the middle button, Goku!! The middle button is your friend!!
Goku: I find that hard to beileve!! All I gotta do is....hey!! (the Lenny
Kravitz look-a-like punches the Goku hologram in the nuts) They should call a
penalty or a felony on that!!
Chi-Chi: The middle button, Goku! Push the middle button!!
Nappa: The middle button, Vegeta!!!
Goku: Shut up!! (gets punched in the head by the Lenny Kravitz look-a-like and
loses) Cheap b*****d!!!
Chi-Chi: That is what you get for not using the "the middle button"!
Vegeta: Kakarotto!! It's been a while!!
Nappa: AHHHHHH, Vegeta!! (jumps through the wall)
Goku: Hey! Vegeta! Long time no see! What bring you to the Gold Saucer?
Vegeta: Two of AVALANCHE's members are on their honeymoon here, and they asked
us to come along. What brings you here?
Goku: We're here on vacation, since Chi-Chi wanted to get out of the house and
give Gohan some fresh air.
Vegeta: How about a game of the 3-D Battler?
Goku: Heh heh...naw, that's okay.
Vegeta: Why not?
Chi-Chi: Goku sucks at video games....
Goku: I do not!!
Vegeta: No matter. I'll show you how a real expert at fighting games! (puts in
gil for the 3-D Battler)
Chi-Chi: And don't forget, the middle button is your friend.
Vegeta: WHAT!?!?!? I have to fight some lard @$$?
Lard @$$: Ha ha! I will be your opponent. You can't defeat me. (jumps on
Vegeta: Hey!! This is cheap!!
Lard @$$: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Vegeta: Crap! Where's the funnel cakes when you need them!?!
Lard @$$: Ha ha ha ha ha.
Vegeta: Stop laughing! This ain't over 'till the fat lady sings!!!.
Rosie O' Donnel: (looking down at her funnel cake) And
IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII fell in LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE with
YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUU.... (takes a bite out of it) IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII......
(farts) I....... messed my pants...... (runs off and falls through the floor to
the bottom part of Wonder Square)
Computer: Circuit.....overload...... ahhhh..... poop....... delicious ice
Goku: Brace for impact! A 9.4 on the Richter Scale is about to happen!!
(Rosie O' Donnel lands and shakes the entire Gold Saucer)
Rosie: Ouch! Where's my ice cream!?!?!
Secretary: Miss O' Donnel! The ice cream truck just passed by!!
Rosie: Noooo!! My ice cream!!
Vegeta: What the.....!!?!?!?!?
Voice 2: Wheeheeheeheeheehee!!! (gets slapped) Ouch!
Voice: Stop touching my butt, dammit!!
Voice 2: Sorry dear.....
Goku: I feel an evil presence nearby!!
Voice 2: Well, well, well, long time no see, Vegeta!
Vegeta: Huh? That voice...it can't be!!
Goku: It has to be.....
(figures reveal themselves to be...)
Frieza: Uh....Ta da!!!
Beryl: That has to be the lamest entrance I've ever seen.
Frieza: But, but, but, but dear!!!
Beryl: Frieza, it was fun while it lasted, but I must leave...... (heads off)
Frieza: BUT DEAR!! (runs after her)
Kunzite: Hahahahahaha!!! It looks like Queen Beryl has finally come to her
Zoicite: What an odd little fellow..... maybe, just maybe, he has one of the
Kunzite: They've all been found, retard!!
Nephrite: The stars know all!!
Kunzite: In the mean time, let's follow them!!
Goku: Let's follow them Vegeta!!
Vegeta: Right! (they both fly off after Frieza)
Chi-Chi: PUSH THE MIDDLE BUTTON, GOHAN!!!
Back at the Station...
Barret: How did you mofo's come back to life!?!?!?
Recoome: Easy, with an Instant Plot Device...
Recoome/Chase: JUST ADD....
Chase: Right on, mate!!
Cait Sith: Damn!! We can never get rid of these guys, can we?
Barret: Okay Cid! It's time for target practice!
Cid: Quack quack! (runs like hell)
Chase: Prepare to meet Polly, my golden dildo!!
Cait Sith: You just get gayer and gayer don't you?
Chase: Just for that remark, you'll die first!!!
Cait Sith: Or will I.....? (bum bum bum!)
Chase: AHHHHH! (charges at Cait)
Cait Sith: (just stands there flicking off Chase)
Joe: NAGAH POWER!!! (charges at Chase)
Chase: Prepare to feel thou wrath of thy might dildo!! (swings the spiked dildo)
Joe: (ducks and trips Chase)
Chase: (falls down) Ouch! Now you've got me mad!! AHHHHHHHHH!! (runs and
swings dildo again and charges at Joe)
Joe: (holds out a naked picture of Britney Spears)
Chase: HELL YEAH!! Hit me baby, one more time!! (tries to shove the dildo up
Britney Spears but winds up tearing the paper to shreds) What the?!!?!?
Joe: Whatta moron!! (goes behind Chase, kicks him in the ass and shoves an M-80
Chase: What the..... you can't do this to the Ginyu Force!!
Joe: I just did! (lights the rocket and waves) Bye bye!
Cait Sith: Let the sparks fly!!!
Chase: NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! (gets blown away)
Barret: It looks like your foo' got blown away.
Recoome: I'll avenge the death of my friend...... after I watch soap operas!
(starts to walk off)
Barret: Not dis' time FOO'! (grabs Cid and smacks Recoome over the head)
Cid: Quack..... ugh!
Recoome: (falls down) That's it! Now you've got me mad!! Recoome will show you
a thing or two about soap operas! Now, pay attention because this is a move
you'll only see once! Recoome.......BOOM!!
Will Smith: (jumps down from the ceiling and smashes Recoome down into the
floor) The good guys dress in black, remember that!
Barret: it's Will Smith!
Cait Sith: (steals Recoome's candy bar and eats it)
Recoome: Where's my candy bar?
Will Smith: You keep quiet! (turns back to Barret) I was on my way to get some
honeys, and I've seemed to have lost my way. Do you happen to know where the
nearest honey joint is?
Cait Sith: Well..... they're selling Honey Nut Cheerios at the food mart.
Will Smith: Not cereal! Girls!
Recoome: Soap operas!
Will: (takes out the noisy Cricket) Say goodbye!
Will: (fires it, vaporizes Recoome and flies out of the Gold Saucer) Whew!
That's gotta hurt!!
Barret: Uh.... That was pretty coo'.
Joe, Cait Sith, Barret and Cid the duck, all do their victory dances.
Sailor Mercury: Just who are you?
Guldo: I am the one they call Guldo, of the elite, (does a gay dance) GINYU
FORCE!! I know all, see all and rape all!!
Sailor Mercury: We'll just see about that!!
Guldo: (just sits there and picks his nose for a while) So...... who's going to
make the first move?
Sailor Mercury: Don't ask me! You're the one who is attacking, so you should be
Guldo: But.....it just doesn't seem right if I do!
Sailor Mars: (flies in) Mercury!!
Sailor Mercury: Sailor Mars! It's good you're here!
Sailor Moon: AHHHHHHHHH!! (falls flat on her face) I am Sailor Moon!! The
Sailor Mars: Popsicles?
Sailor Moon: That too.....oohhh
Sailor Jupiter: Don't forget me!! (appears next to the huge pic of the naked
Guldo: Huh huh huh....wink wink!
Sailor Mars: Let's attack!!
Sailor Venus: Hey! Wait for me! (kicks Guldo in the back hard and makes him
Guldo: (crushes Sailor Moon)
Sailor Mars: Venus! You're here!
Sailor Moon: (under Guldo) No s**t, Sherlock!
Guldo: Heh heh heh..... more girls, more squishy squishy!
Sailor Jupiter: Whatta pervert! Let's smash him!!!
Guldo: (continues to make movements with his hands)
Sailor Venus: CRESCENT BEAM.....times 10!!! (fires them off)
Guldo: Ack! (runs like hell as the projectiles hit the stage)
Lucky the Leprechaun: (for no reason at all, jumps on the stage) La de la de
la!! Where's mee lucky charms? (looks over) AHHHHH!! (gets cut in half by one
of the beams)
Sailor Venus: Hot damn!!
Guldo: (jumping around like a fag) Heeheeheeheeehee hee hee hee hee hee!!!!
Sailor Moon: (gets up) HEY!!! You're gonna pay for smashing me you little four
Guldo: Oh BLAH! to you too, hot blonde babe!! (continues jumping around)
Heeheeheeheehee hee hee hee!!!!
Sailor Mercury: I have a plan. (all the Senshi huddle together)
Sailor Jupiter: What's your plan?
Sailor Mercury: I'll kick him where it hurts, while you four each nail him in an
eye. In order for this to work....
Guldo: TIME FREEZE!!! (freezes time and stares up the Senshi's skirts) Whee!!
Roller Coaster....of it!! (gets on top of the Senshi but while at it, breathes
and unfreezes time)
Sailor Venus: (sees Guldo on Sailor Mars) What the...
Guldo: Uh oh....
Sailor Mars: GET BACK THERE!! (slaps Guldo and knocks him into the ruined stage)
Sailor Jupiter: Where were we?
Toasty: (pops out) Toasty!!!
Sailor Moon: Hey, all of those words started with 'w'!
Sailor Mars: So? What's your point meatball head?
Sailor Moon: I just found that interesting.
Sailor Mercury: Anyway, each one of you take a corner that lines up with one of
his eyes. I'll be back there and will jump kick him in the....
Guldo: TIME FREEZE!!
Sailor Venus: Cut it out already!!
Sailor Mars: You're just as bad as that fag, DiCrapio!!
DiCrapio: (appears out of nowhere) Oh be nice!!
Sailor Moon: (shoves her moon stick up DiCrapio's @$$) Beat it, fruitcake!!
DiCrapio: My @$$!! My @$$!! My f**king @$$!!!! (runs off)
Author's Note: Don't worry, he'll get what he deserves later on.
Sailor Mercury: ANYWAY, I will get him where it hurts. Are we all clear?
Senshi: YEAH MAN!!
The Senshi fly to their spots, and are ready to attack....
Sailor Mercury: NOW!!! (does a flying kick toward Guldo's nuts)
The other Senshi: (does flying kicks toward Guldo's eyes)
Guldo: TIME FREEZE!! (freezes time just in time (poor pun))
Guldo: Weee!!! (jumps on top of the frozen Mercury and tries to rape her)
Dave: (takes a whoopee cushion and makes a farting noise with it)
Guldo: (breathes out to laugh)
Mars/Venus/Moon/Jupiter: (nails Guldo in each of his eyes)
Sailor Mercury: (nails Guldo in his nuts)
Guldo: ACK!!! (falls down from the pain)
Sailor Venus: Great job Senshi!!
Guldo: (slowly gets up) My winky!! You hit my winky!
Senshi: No s**t, Sherlock!
Sailor Mercury: SHABON SPRAY.... FREEZING!!! (freezes Guldo) There, how do you
like to be frozen?
Sailor Jupiter: What? We can't hear you!!
Sailor Moon: Oh, you don't say....you don't say.....YOU DON'T SAY!!!
Sailor Mars: Usagi, that's the lamest and oldest joke in the book!!
Android 17: (appears out of nowhere and kicks Guldo's frozen head off and it
shatters on impact)
Sailor Mars: What was that for?
Android 17: Eh, no reason. (runs off again)
Sailor Mercury: We win!!
The Senshi do their victory dance
Sailor Jupiter: Well, I better be getting back to Battle Square. Catch you all
later! (flies off)
Sailor Moon: I WANNA GO ALSO! (flies after her)
At the shopping center...
Red XIII: Who the hell are you?
Burter: Oh my God!! Funimation actually let you.... curse?
Red XIII: Funimation didn't write this, dips**t!!
Burter: Oh too bad!! (looks over at the counter) WHERE'S MY KNUCKLE
Aeris: It's right......HERE! (punches Burter in the face)
Burter: AHHHH!!! My beautiful face!!
Red XIII: (looks down) Hmmmm.... You need your toenails cut. Hold still and
this won't hurt much (stomps on his toe as hard as he can)
Burter: Ouch!! That hurts!! If Chase were here with me, he'd show you a thing
Aeris: Oh great, dildo man is also here?!!?!?
Burter: Hehehehehehehehe!! That's right! He's with Recoome at the Station,
preparing our conquest of the world!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Red XIII: (dripping with sarcasm) Ooooh, taking over a theme park is REALLY
gonna help you take over the world..... IDIOT!!! (back kicks Burter in the
Burter: Oh my octopus! That hurts!
Aeris: YA!!! (jabs her Princess Guard into Burter's nose)
Red XIII: (does a bunch of karate poses)
Burter: Here's a Kibbles N' Bits doggie! (tosses the package o toward Red)
Red XIII: (bites Burter in the crotch)
Aeris: Red!! Stay away from there!!
Burter: WOOF! WOOF!
Red XIII: Stop acting like a dog you @^%@&@@^%@%@@$@$@$@$$@@^&@^%@^%^%!%^@%^!!!!
(slashes him across the face)
Burter: Stop it!! I have a date tonight with Mrs. Burter!!
Red XIII: Mrs. Burter!?!?!?
Aeris: Probably some out-of-control slut.... Like Double D!
Tifa: (voice echoing through the wind) I heard that, flower pussy!!
Burter: HOW DARE YOU CALL MY GOLDFISH A SLUT!! DIE!! (charges at the two)
Red XIII: Gas exchange!!! (blows a sloppy fart on Burter)
Burter: HELP ME!! I'm melting.... Melting....melting...... (melts into sloppy
Aeris: All right!!
Aeris and Red do their victory dances.
Back in Battle Square...
Fei: You never seem to die for good, do you purple man?
Ginyu: (staring at himself in a mirror and doing gay poses) Off course not!
Fei: Alright, let's get this over with!! (goes into fighting stance)
Ginyu: I am an opera singer.... With a pose!! (does another gay pose)
Fei: Yeah, whatever, let's get going!!
Ginyu: La dee la dee la dee la, Captain Ginyu! (does ballerina moves)
Fei: And I thought Shitan was messed up...
Ginyu: (looks at himself in the mirror and again and it shatters)
Fei: (points at Ginyu and laughs at him)
Ginyu: Who do you think you're laughing at!?!?!?
Fei: Because you're a total retard!
Ginyu: WHAT!??!?! No one calls the captain of the Ginyu Force that!! (charges
Fei: (blocks Ginyu's punch) Take this! (kicks Ginyu)
Ginyu: (blocks the kick and comes up real close to him and smiles) See my pretty
Fei: Yeah, they're right..... HERE! (punches Ginyu in the mouth)
Ginyu: (holding his mouth as five teeth fall out) Dumbarse! I know they're in
Fei: Whoops, my bad! (runs up and trips Ginyu)
Ginyu: (crashes into the wall) B*****d!!! Now, feel my ultimate move!! (does
that one gay dance he did in AVALANCHE vs. Sailor Moon)
Fei: Ah s**t!! What's happening to me!?!?!
Sailor Jupiter: (kicks Ginyu in the back of the head) We're here!!
Ginyu: (falls into the water) Icky!! Sewer water!! (climbs out) Who dares
to..... who ho ho! What do we have here?
Sailor Moon: (lands next to Jupiter) I am Sailor Moon, the Champion of Justice!
I will right wrongs and triumph over evil, and that means you!!! (points to Fei)
Fei: What did I do!?! He's the bad guy! (points to Ginyu)
Sailor Moon: Oh, my bad...
Sailor Jupier: And I am Sailor Jupiter, I will punish you on behalf of Jupiter!
Sailor Moon: Who are you!?!??!
Ginyu: Funny you ask that... I am Captain Ginyu!! (does a pose, lifting his left
leg up and his left arm up) Huh?
Sailor Moon: (mimicking Ginyu) Like this?
Ginyu: Yeah, that's... No! No! No! You have to lift your left leg up!
Sailor Moon: Ai yai, Captain Tatter Tot! (lifts her left leg up)
Sailor Jupiter: Usagi and food... what a lovely couple!
Ginyu: (looks up Sailor Moon's skirt) Ah! A wonderful and happy view!
Sailor Moon: Uh, Captain Tatter Tot?
Ginyu: The name's Captain Ginyu, and what do you want?
Sailor Moon: May I add another step to this pose?
Ginyu: What is it?
Sailor Moon: Show him Mako-chan!
Sailor Jupiter: THIS! (kicks Ginyu square in the nuts)
Ginyu: AAAAAHH!! You can't treat me like this!
Fei: And why not?
Ginyu: I am Captain Ginyu, the greatest dancer on Earth, that's why!
Sailor Moon: (kicks Ginyu in the nuts again)
Ginyu: HA! You missed!
Fei: (takes Ginyu's broken mirror and throws it in the water)
Ginyu: MY MIRROR! (moves his hand to grab it)
Sailor Moon: Nutcracker! (nails Ginyu in the nuts again)
Ginyu: (passes out and falls in the water)
Fei: Damn! Good work!
Sailor Jupiter: (blushes) Thanks...
Sailor Jupiter: USAGI!!
Sailor Moon: I didn't do it!
Fei: It doesn't matter who do it, let's get out of here before Ginyu wakes up!
(the three run back to the Station)
At the station...
Barret: (poking Urkel's carcass with a stick) Poke... poke... poke... poke...
poke... poke... po.... FOO'! (starts beating Urkel's carcass with the stick)
Let's see ya' snort again!!!
Cait Sith: Hey Barret, I think Urkel's dead already.
Barret: Jes' makin' sure!!
Cid: Quack! Quack!
Joe: Do you smell something?
Barret: Damn foo'! What da' hell is dat smell!?!?!
Cid: Quack... (passes out)
Cait Sith: Do you think Red let an atomic bomb fly?
Barret: It smells different somehow...
Joe: Maybe it's the rotting carcasses.
Barret: Well, I ain't gonna find out if it is or not!
Joe: Just go up and smell one of the bodies! They're three of them so pick one!
Barret: You foo' Joe!
Barret: Well, it looks like I don't have much choice... (goes up and sniffs
Recoome: (suddenly comes back to life) I like soap operas!
Barret: AHH! DAMN YOU! (beats the crap out of Recoome with the stick)
Joe: I hear food chewing... it's coming from Battle Square.
Sailor Moon: (eating) I just LOVE hot dogs!
Zell: (appears out of nowhere) You and me both, baby! (gobbles down ten hot dogs
Fei: Jupiter, we need to get moving!
Sailor Jupiter: Right!!
Barret: What's goin' on foo's?
Fei: It's Ginyu... he's right behind us!
Cait Sith: If Ginyu's here, how come I wasn't able to predict it?
Joe: Because your fortune telling abilities suck major hot dogs!
Zell: (waves to the crew) I like hot dogs!
Fei: Whatta moron...
Mysterious figure: (mysteriously jumps down and chops Zell in half) In the end,
garbage is still garbage.
Fei: Who the hell was that!?!?!
Mysterious Figure: (makes a girlish scream and runs off)
Sailor Moon: What other weird stuff can happen?
Ginyu: (comes out of the Battle Square tunnel) AH HA! I cannot allow you to go
any further!!! (does another gay pose in where he holds out his hands and puts
his feet together)
Ginyu: (in a fag voice) No s**t, Shelock! WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... (falls
on his face) ACK!
Cait Sith: I just now made a prediction...
Ginyu: (getting up) And what would that be?
Cait Sith: (reads the piece of paper) By the day's end, you'll be kicked in the
nuts another 6 times, you'll s**t your pants, you'll be beaten up by some kid in
overalls, you'll get bitten by a dog, you'll s**t your pants AGAIN, and finally,
you'll never get a woman, and also, you'll be turned into a fag!
DiCrapio: Like me!!
Barret: Die foo'! (blows DiCrapio into the ocean with Ramza)
Ginyu: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Good one! I prefer to become a ballerina though... dum
dee dum dee dum!
Fei: Enough of this s**t!! (charges Ginyu)
Ginyu: (turns around and smiles) Now you will see my ultimate power! BODY
CHANGE!! (opens mouth and a yellow beam comes out)
Fei: What the... I can't... move!!
Cait Sith: Not this time, Gayu! (grabs Cid's tail and throws him into the path
of the beam)
Cid: QUUUUUUUUUUAAAAACCCCCK! (gets hit by the beam)
Ginyu: (falls down) ........Quack!
Cid: (now in Ginyu's body) What the... I LOOK LIKE MICHAEL JACKSON!!!! (starts
singing) Beat it! Just beat it!
Dio: (comes out of the Battle Square tunnel) Watch me flex my beautiful muscles!
Cid: (continues singing) Beat it! Just beat it!
Dio: (Is still flexing) Yeah man!
Barret: Someone make da' foo' stop!!
Ginyu: Quack! (Shoots the beam from his mouth into Dio's)
Dio: (now the duck) Quack! (continues to flex)
Ginyu: (now in Dio's body) Ah, much better, but now I have this terrible,
terrible body odor!
Voice: DIIIIIIIIIIIE! (Chops Dio... errr... Ginyu, in half)
Dav: I'm back, and with popcorn!
Cid: @%^@&@%%@$@&^@%&*@@^*@@#$@$@$(@^(^&@@%^@$($%(%!!!! Where the f**k have you
Dav: GINYU!?!?! How can it be!?!?!
Sailor Moon: You all must really love to shout his name... GINYU! (holds up the
Sailor Jupiter: No wait! It may LOOK like Ginyu, but it's really Cid!
Dav: Yeah, may "LOOK" like him... it IS him!!!
Fei: She speaks the truth. Ginyu tried to switch bodies with me, but Cait threw
Cid in the path, and Ginyu was turned into a duck...
Cid: Then I got turned into this Michael Jackson wanna be...
Fei: He then switched bodies with Dio, and he became Dio. The "Dio" you killed
was really Captain Ginyu!
Sailor Moon: GINYU!! (continues to hold up two fingers)
Dav: Then the duck is...
Fei: Yup, that's Dio alright!
Aeris: (comes out of the "Shopping Square" with Red) Hey eveybody!
Everyone: Hey Dr. Nick!
Aeris: You've all been watching too much Simpsons!
Dave: Damn right!
Red XIII: I haven't had a gas attack in three minutes.
Cid: That must be a new record!!
Red XIII: (looks at Cid) What the f**k!?!?!
Cid: It's a long story.... Sailor Jupiter will tell you later!
Sailor Venus: What the.. look over there! (points to the Wonder Square tunnel)
Frieza: But Beryl, I thought I was your cupcake!!
Beryl: You're more like my poundcake. (pounds Frieza in the head)
Frieza: But Beryl!
Beryl: But nothing, Frieza! We're offcially broken up!
Frieza: ..............BUT BERYL!!!
Beryl: What now?
Frieza: Can I have at least one little smoochie smooch?
Beryl: I guess.... (is about to kiss Frieza)
Barret: Oh God, close your eyes! This will get ugly!!
Everyone: (closes their eyes)
Joe: Barf Alert! Barf Alert!
Beryl: The Sailor Senshi!!!
Frieza: Those people from Rehab!
AVALANCHE crew: Freezer!!
Sailor Moon: Excuse me, Mr. Freezer, do you have a popsicle I can have?
Frieza: My name is NOT Freezer! It's Frieza!! Get the name right!!
Dav: Yeah, and what's your dad's name, Dr. Icebox?
Frieza: Shut up! I will kill you all!
Kunzite: We will help you! (runs up and kicks Frieza in the @$$)
Frieza: You idiot! They're the enemy, not me!!
Zoicite: Yeah Kunzite!
Nephrite: The stars will punish you!!!
Cait Sith: (the robot starts to shake) Huh?
Barret: Now what!?!?!
Cait Sith: Hang on a sec... (pulls out a fortune) Our fortune says..... We're
Frieza: (looks over at Cid) Captain Ginyu!??!? I didn't know you cussed like
Cid: Well, I do, pinkie! And, I'm not Gayu, the name's Highwind, (does his
vicotry pose) Cid Highwind!
Joe: The cussing king of Midgar!
Frieza: (thinking to himself) Ginyu must have used his body swicth technique) No
matter, I'll destory you along with the rest of these fools!
Cait Sith: (in a deep voice) I don't think so, Tim!
Goku: (jumps out and kicks Frieza in the back of the head, sending him flying
into a wall)
Frieza: Not you!! Dammit! Well, no matter....again, I'll just transform into
my ultimate form!!! (transforms into his final form)
Everyone: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! (pukes on Red)
Red XIII: I'd maul your @$$es, but if I open my eyes, I'll go blind!
Frieza: (In an even gayer voice then before) Hey Beryl, like my new look? I'm
even missing my horns now!
Beryl: Frieza, I already told you, we're broken up!!
Vegeta: You're forgetting something, Freezer....
Frieza: And what is that Vegeta?
Vegeta: Kakarotto and I have also have a trick up our sleaves! Ready Kakarotto?
Goku: Let's do it! (Goku and Vegeta both turn Super Saiyan 2 and they put their
Vegeta/Goku: Fusion........ HO! (for the first time in the saga, they fuse and
Gogeta: (appears out of the mist and waving his arms around)
Dav: Damn, that's cool!
Senshi: I'll say!
Sailor Moon: Why can't Tuxedo Kamen ever do that?
Gogeta: I am neither Goku nor Vegeta! I am the instrument of your.... (rips a
HUGE fart off) Whoa! Stinky!
Cait Sith: (takes out another HP Shout and starts playing circus music)
Gogeta: No stupid! That's not how it goes!!
Cait Sith: You said "instrument"!
Kunzite: I think I should've gotten insurance..... this doesn't look good!
Beryl: Fri.....Friez.....Frieza, what...what's going on!?!?!
Frieza: I'm madly in love with you!?!?
Beryl: (slaps Frieza) Not with you idiot!!! I meant, what did those two
Frieza: I don't know, but whatever they did, they look really stupid!
Gogeta: What the..... (looks down and notices something) F**K!!! The fusion got
messed up! I'm now...... FAT!!!!
Frieza/Beryl: (laughing their heads off)
Gogeta: (pointing to himself) This is all your fault! (rips off another large
Red XIII: Damn, this guy might even be a better farter then ME!!
Sailor Mercury: This is weird! Where's Jedite?
To answer Sailor Mercury's question....
Jedite: (still suck in a pile of bat s**t) Help me!
Jedite: Pretty please?
Girl: I said no!
Jedite: Fine!! Be that way!! I'll haunt your underwear drawer from now on!
Girl: (goes up to him slaps him)
Jedite: Oww, don't you know that hurts?
Plane: (appears again and drops a bomb on Jedite)
Jedite: I didn't even get to have fun with Beryl one last time..... (gets blown
Back at the Station...
Sailor Mercury: Hey Dav, how should we split up?
Gogeta: No matter what, Frieza's mine!! (let's loose a fart)
Red XIII: Dude!
Gogeta: Hang on... it's coming.....coming.....coming (contiunes to fart)
Barret: (pinching his nose together) God, dis smells worse then a nuclear fart
Cid: Hahahahahaha!! Monkey Man sounds like Urkel!!
Barret: So do you foo'!
Cid: Oh yeah.....
Red XIII: We all sound like Urkel when we're pinching our nostrals together!!
Joe: Dude, put the freaking plug in already!!
Sailor Moon: GROSS!! My hair is going to smell for a week now!!
Sailor Mars: This smells way worse then the time grandpa missed the toilet!!!
Aeris: Oh God, I think I'm gonna barf!!
Red XIII: Oh crap.....
Cait Sith: Crap! My circuits are overloading! Too much gas exchange!!
Kunzite: Wheeeee!!! It's good air conditioning!!
(Five minutes later)
Gogeta: Coming.....coming....ahhhh....(FRAAAAAAAP!!!) Uhhhh..... excuse me!
Everyone: (collapses from lack of oxygen)
Gogeta: I don't think I should've eaten that Frito Pie earlier.
Aeris: Vegeta, don't ever EVER do that in the bedroom!!
Gogeta: Yes dear....
Cid: I think you should make sure you didn't s**t your pants!!
Frieza: (getting up) *cough* Damn..... that.... sucked.... *cough* *cough*
Nephrite: An odd fellow..... I've never seen anyone with that much gas output in
Zoicite: I've never smelled that much gas output in my life!!!
Kunzite: (covered in green gooish subtance) It's great to have a breath of
fresh air every now and then!
Beryl: (gets up) He's stronger then I thought.... I don't think we can win this
Frieza: Of course we can win!!! It's just someone needs to shove a plug in
Vegeta's, or whatever his name is, butt!!
Zarbon: Leave it to me, Master Frieza! (jumps out of the Ghost Square)
Frieza: What took you so long, Zarbon?
Zarbon: I had to get Dodoria out of the toilet
Dodoria: (emerges with the toilet on his head) I'm also here Master...WAHHHHHH!!
(falls back down the Ghost Square tunnel)
Sailor Venus: Hey...where's Cloud and the silicon woman?
Aeris: Minako, you're becoming a great young woman!
Sailor Venus: Thanks Aeris..... I think....
Joe: Everyone, take someone and head for different areas of the Gold Saucer....
(takes out a porn magazine) SWEEEEET!!!
(the team splits up and follows the enemies to different parts of the Gold
In Speed Square.....
Sailor Jupiter: (fighting Zoicite with Venus) Eat this b***h!! (kicks her in the
Zoicite: Ouch!! ZOI!! (throws those damn flower petals)
Sailor Veuns: (catches some of them) These don't even smell like real flowers!!
Zoicite: Well, duh!!
Sailor Venus: It just proves how lame you really are!! (trips Zoicite)
Zoicite: (lands on her chest and a popping noise is heard) Ack!!
Sailor Jupiter: What the.... what was that noise!?!?
Sailor Venus: What are you hiding from us!?!?
Zoicite: Nothing..... nothing at all..... (turns around) Except maybe......
THIS!!! (throws a whoopee cushion at the two Senshi)
Sailor Jupiter: Watch out!!
Sailor Venus: It's going to make an unpleasant sound!!
Zoicite: Go my whoopee cushion!
(suddenly, a piece of glass pops the cushion and makes a sharp farting noise)
Venus/Jupiter: Oh gross!!
Zoicite: Huh? Who did that!!?!?
Cait's friend: (in an angry voice) Tequila man....
Sailor Venus: Cait's friend!!! You've been revived!!!
Cait's friend: (holds up an instant plot device)
Cait Sith: (fighting Dodoria with Joe) JUST ADD WATER!!!
Sailor Veuns: Lazy @$$ dragon!!!!!
Dragon: (voice echoing) Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
Sailor Jupiter: Did you hear something?
Sailor Venus: Notta thing... Cait's friend, I'm so glad you've been revived!!!
Cait's friend: (lands in fornt of Zoicite and is PISSED!!)
Zoicite: HehehehahahahahahahHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!! Whoever you are, you'll never
defeat me!! ZOI! (shoots flower petals out)
Cait's friend: (blocks them with a tequila bottle)
Cait's friend: (smashes the bottle and powers up) DRUUUUUUNKKKEEEEEEEEEEN
RAAAAAAAAAAGE!!! (goes downtown on Zoicite with his tequila bottle)
Zoicite: (bleeding from every place on his body) NNNNNOOOOOOOOooooooo....... oh
wait, Kunzite, you suck..... ugh... (dies)
Kunzite: (fighting Aeris, Red and Sailor Mars) But I have to go badly....
Red XIII: Can it dillhole!!! (lights his hair on fire with his tail)
Kunzite: AHHHHHHH!! My hair's on fire!!!! (running around like the d**kwad he
Aeris: (smacks Kunzite with her Princess Guard as he runs by)
Kunzite: Oh that's smarts.... (falls down and rolls around to put out the
Sailor Mars: MARS FIRE IGNITE!
Kunzite: (hair gets lit on fire again) AHHHHH!!! Not again!! I'm supposed to
Cid: (fighting Nephrite with Barret and Fei) Wrong!! That is I! (grabs Kunzite
and smashes him and Nephrite together)
Dio: Quack quack! (still flexing his muscles)
Barret: Yo goin' down, mofo! (body slams Nephrite)
Nephrite: I admire you...
Cid: Why do you say that?
Cid: Idiot!!! This wasn't who I used to look like!! (tries to punch Nephrite
but ends up htting Barret)
Barret: Watch it foo'!!!
Nephrite: Let's make this quick. I have a date with Molly in ten minutes.
Fei: No date for you, fag man!!! Fukei!! (blows Nephrite into a wall)
Nephrite: Prick!! I'll get you!!!
Barret: (tackles Nephrite) Kiss the ground! The ground's ya' friend!!
Nephrite: (makes a grunting noise) It smells like poo gas!! (dies)
Barret: We win.....again!
(everyone does his/her victory dance)
In Wonder Square....
Zarbon: (fighting Cait, Joe and Sailor Moon: Will you stay still so I can squash
Sailor Moon: (rubs her tummy) Squash sounds good right about now!!
Cait Sith: (jumps off his moogel) Hey prick!! Come and catch me! (kicks Zarbon
in the ankle)
Zarbon: Little runt!! I'll get you!! (chases after Cait)
Joe: Here, have a pucnh!! (throws a Hawaiin punch at Zarbon)
Zarbon: (gets hit in the eye) Those things hurt, dammit!
Joe: (mimicking Zarbon) DAMMIT!!
Zarbon: Now, where are you twerps!?!?!
Cait Sith: (near the exit Wonder Square) Hey green man! Over here! (moons him)
I'll cream your @$$! Squish him, Moogle!!
Moogle: (hops up in the air and lands on Zarbon)
Zarbon: Get off me you lard sack of s**t!
Moogle: (wavs his finger in Zarbon's face, then takes a permanent marker out and
draws a smiley face on Zarbon)
Zarbon: Oh crap!! I'm allergic to permanent marker!!
Moogle: (takes out some glue and pours it on Zarbon's head)
Zarbon: MY HAIR!!! STOP IT!! THAT'S MY HAIR!!
Moogle: (smiles and shoves a colorful wig on Zarbon's head)
Joe: Say AHHHHHHHHH!!! (takes a picture of Zarbon)
Sailor Moon: You're moon dusted, buddy! (takes out her wand)
Zarbon: How can I die by the most pathetic means of dying.....(dies)
Sailor Moon: (twirls the wand around and hits herslef in the face with it)
Joe: Rei is right..... you ARE a meatball head!!
Sailor Moon: I don't even know you, but you're being mean to me!!! WAHHHHHHH!!
Joe/Cait: *Anime sweatdrop*
At the Station....
Dav: (fighting Beryl with Ami) JUSTICE SLASH!!! (charges at Beryl)
Beryl: (flashes Dav)
Dav: OH F**K!! (slips and falls down)
Frieza: (staring at Beryl) Hey Beryl......
Beryl: What is it?
Beryl: Get over it, Frieza!!
Dav: HA! (punches Beryl in the stomach) Now Ami-chan!!
Sailor Mercury: SHINE AQUA ILLUSION!!! (freezes Beryl)
Frieza: Beryl!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'll get you guys for that!!!
(charges at Dav and Sailor Mercury)
Gogeta: Not today, Icebox!! (grabs Frieza's tail and swings him in circles and
throws him into the frozen Beryl, shattering her)
Frieza: BERYL!! WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!! Vegeta!!! I'll.....I mean, YOU'LL PAY
DEARLY FOR THAT!!!
Gogeta: (places something behind him) Just try it!!
Frieza: (charges at Gogeta) YOU'LL REGRET EVER FIGHTING ME!!!
Gogeta: (dodges Frieza) Surprise!
Frieza: Huh? It's just a box! (examines it closer)
Box: Hello, dumb@$$! (shoots out a boxing glove and punches Frieza across the
Gogeta: HA! (notices light surrounding him) What the.... what's happening!?!?!?
Frieza: HHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! (charges right at Gogeta)
Gogeta: (splits back into Goku and Vegeta just in time as Frieza misses and
slams into a wall)
Vegeta: Kakarotto!! The fusion has worn off! Now's our chance to get it right!!!
(Fusion music starts playing)
Goku: Right!! One more time.... Wait, I just realized something....
Goku: We can beat him without fusing!
Vegeta: I would agree, but it makes the fic more interesting if we fuse!!
Frieza: I will beat you two, even if it makes me use cooking tools for the job!!
(takes out a spoon and butterknife)
Voice: (kicks Frieza in the back of the head)
Sailor Mercury: Tifa!!
Cloud/Tifa: We are... THE AVALANCHE FORCE! (does the most gayest pose you'll
ever read in a fanfic)
Dav: That..... was pathetic..... acting like the Ginyu Force!!
Cloud: We know....huh? What's Vegeta and Goku doing!?!?
Goku/Vegeta: Fusion........HO!! (fuses again and this time, the REAL Gogeta
appears out of the mist)
Tifa: Did they just call me a hoe!?!?!?
Dav: No, they fused together..... for the second time also!!
Gogeta: Hahahahahahahahaha!!! MUCH much better!!
Frieza: (gets up) Duuuh, mommy! Mrs. Principle paddled me and it hurt really
badly.... (shakes his head) What the!?!?
Gogeta: (in a real deep voice) Hello Pinkie! Where's your brain?
Frieza: Huh...?!??! Why you.... DIE!?!? (charges at Gogeta)
Gogeta: (easily counterattacks and kicks Frieza in the stomach)
Frieza: (does his Destructo Disc move and throws it at Gogeta)
Gogeta: (dodges it, flies down the Wonder Square tunnel and cuts Dodoria in
Frieza: Damn you!! I didn't want to have to use this, but now, I have no
choice!! (throws the butterknife at Gogeta)
Gogeta: (catches it and licks it) Mmmmmmm.... fruity!! (throws it away and
Frieza: Hey!! I'm not a freaking punchbag, you know!!!
Gogeta: You're right.... you're a punching idiot!!! (takes a can of Cheese
Wiz and sprays it in Frieza's eyes)
Frieza: I'm blind!! It hurts!! It still hurts!!
Gogeta: (grabs Frieza's arms, and smashes his back against his knee) Let's
see you try and get to Queen Beryl now!!
Frieza: Damn..... this sucks..... I'd rather...Roise...O' Donnel....sit on
me.....then lose.... to you.......
Gogeta: That can be arranged.... Oh Roise, there's a poundcake with pink
frosting on it out here!!
Rosie: (runs out) YUMMIE!!! (jumps on Frieza)
Frieza: I'll.....get.... my revenge...... trust me.... (dies)
Tuxedo Kamen: (appears covered in s**t) It is finished!
Sailor Moon: Tuxedo Kamen!!
Tuxedo Kamen: You fought well, Sailor Moon! Farewell! (walks off)
Android 17: SURPRISE!! (does a kick toward Tuxedo Kamen's head)
Tuxedo Kamen: (screams like a little school girl)
Android 18: (grabs #17's other leg and smashes him into the ground) That's
enough! We haven't finished playing with the other soccer ball!
Android 17: But #18!!
Android 18: No buts! Now, let's go! (drags him out)
Rosie: (licking the cheese wiz from Frieza's carcass) Where's my poundcake?
Gogeta: There wasn't any!! I only said that so you could smash this little
Sailor Mars: Huh? What happened?
Sailor Venus: What did we miss!?!?
Cait's friend: Fejita Man!!!
Sailor Mercury: Goku and Vegeta fused again and defeated Frieza!!
Rosie: Wait a minute!! I was the one who wanted the poundcake!!!
Gogeta: THEN HERE'S YOUR F**KING POUND CAKE (punches Rosie hard enough to
make her fly out of the Gold Saucer and she lands and destroys Corel)
Mayor: Ah f**k!! We were poor enough until you had to land here!!!
Rosie O Donnel: Excuse me, but you wouldn't happen to have any poundcake
around, would you?
Mayor: Ah f**k you!
Rosie: That's mean. Cussing is very very very bad and....
Train Conductor: WATCH OUT!! (train crashes into Rosie)
Mayor: Ah f**k! There goes our 10 year supply of coal! F**k!!
Plane: (appears out of nowhere and drops a package down)
Rosie: POUNDCAKE!! (causes an earthquake as she stumbles toward the
poundcake) Huh? (opens up the box)
Robotic Richard Simmons: Shake! Shake! Shake! Shake your booty! Shake
Rosie: (stomps off as the Robotic Richard Simmons follows her)
Back at the Gold Saucer....
Dav: Huh? I'm surprised you didn't get caught.
Gogeta: Thanks to Frieza's butter knife, which had butter on it! (reverts
back to Goku and Vegeta)
Willis: (runs into the Station) Hey guys, what did I miss?
Fei: Mr. Willis, where did you run off to!?!?
Willis: Sorry.... I had some... matters to attend to.
Cloud: Well, at least you'll stick around for the celebration right?
Willis: Sorry, Cloud, I have to get back to LA to make yet another movie.
Joe: The "Sixth Sense" ruled!!
At Junon Airport....
WIllis: Well, it's been fun everyone. See ya all around sometime! (waves to
the crew as he boards the plane)
Aeris: Please right to us!!
Cait's friend: (arm around Minako) Tequila man!!!
(plane takes off for L.A.)
Makoto: Well, it seems our work is done!
Cloud: Not quite.... there is still a place of evil we must get rid of before
I, and the rest of the world, can have peace!
Cid: Well, do whatever the hell you want, kid, I'm watching the Dukes and I
don't want to be disturbed!!!
(the Highwind flies back to the Gold Saucer)
At Speed Square....
Kid: We love the ferris wheel! The ferris wheel! The ferris wheel!
Vincent: I am.....CHAOS!!!
Kid 12: Somebody call the Ghostbusters!!
Vincent: (watches as the ferris wheel turns very slowly) You maybe getting
away slowly, but Chaos will catch you! Whahahahaha!! (suddenly gets shot in
Raijin: (from the roller coaster) I got 3000 points, ya know?
Vincent: (flies over and chases the roller coaster) You dare mess with
Raijin: I didn't mean to, ya' know!??!
Vincent: Too bad!! Whahahahahaha!!! I am....CHAOS!!!
In the Highwind.....
Cloud: It's time.....
Cait Sith: Fire those missles, Captain Obvious!!!!
Captain Obvious: Yes sir!!! (fires missiles at the Gold Saucer, blowing it up
Barret: Whatta want foo'!?!?
Cid: There is only ONE captain on this ship and that's ME!! (grabs Captain
Obvious and throws him out of the Highwind)
Dav: Well, you guys were right, that place was a place of hell.
Ami: Where can we now go for our honeymoon Dav?
Joe: I vote the Honey Bee Inn!! Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet!!!!
Dav: (starts singing to the tune of "Jurassic Park" by Weird Al) I recall the
time they found all those dead @$$holes
And before long they were creating SOLDIER
Now I'm being chased by some enraged gay Dragon King
And beileve me, this has been one f**ked up day
The Gold Saucer is frighting in the dark,
all the chocobos are running wild!
Someone shut the Ropeway down in the dark
I know it's kinda eerie, but it proves the old fart's theory
And I'll never come back here again!
I cannot have fun at this attraction
'cause gettin' blown to pieces always makes me kinda' sad
The huge Ruby Weapon blew up DiCrapio,
well I suppose that proves he's really
not all bad
The Gold Saucer is frighting in the dark,
all the chocobos are running wild
Someone let Ochu out of the pit....
Ochu: (jumps out at Dav) BLAH!
Dav: (chops it in half and continues singing) I'm afraid that guy will harm
because he sure don't look like Barney
And they think I'm DiCrapio,
and not Dav Cole! Oh noooooooooooooo!!
(a lot of music)
Dav: (continues) The Gold Saucer is frighting in the dark,
all the chocobos
are running wild
What a s**tty honeymoon this has been
Well, I'll tear up my Gold Ticket,
and I'll tell Dio where to stick it!
And we're never coming back to this place, again!
Oh no!! (looks out the window of the Highwind) WHOA NO!!!! (Highwind crashes
into the quicksand, again)
You're getting it out this time!!!
Back on the Yggdrasil...
Bart: I see it!
Sigurd: Young master, do you know exactly what it is though?
Bart: What does it matter? It'll do good as target practice... for the day
anyway. Franz! Go punch yourself and then load up a Bart Missile!
Franz: Yes sir! (punches himself) Ouch! (goes to load up a Bart Missile)
Bart: (takes a sip of his "Bartweiser") That's alcohol baby!
Old Maison: Young master! You have to get over half of the crew's permission
before using a Bart Missile!
Bart: Dammit! You've said that line before! I don't need no permission to
use my Bart Missile! I'm king of the world!!
Billy: Excuse me for a minute...
Elly: I wish Fei had left with us... it's been fifteen minutes since I last
had a good round!
Rico: Elly, vacuum cleaners don't count as real pleasure.
Elly: They do in my book! (heads off to her room)
Emeralda: What's a vacuum cleaner, pirate man?
Bart: It's where you'll be if you don't shut your mouth!
Emeralda: I HATE YOU PIRATE MAN! (kicks Bart in the shin)
Bart: Then go play with Chu-Chu or something!!!
Chu-Chu: Chu Chu!!!
Franz: Bart Missile ready! (Yggdrasil theme starts playing)
Bart: Excellent... (goes back to the periscope) You're days of spinning and
mocking me up there are over, you overgrown cup of tea!!
Old Maison: Young Master! They haven't caused us harm! Why should we cause
Bart: Because it's funny! They don't know what the hell is gonna hit them in
a few seconds!
Elly: (from downstairs) Oh vacuum cleaner!
Bart: ANYWAY, fire the Bart Missile!!
Franz: (fires the Bart Missile into space)
(Up in Deep Space Nine)
Sisko: Fly, fly to the nearest wormhole!
Quark: (in a deep voice) I am Quark, I have no balls!
Sisko: Shut up and tend to the bar!
Quark: (still in a deep voice) You have no balls either, Sisko!
Odo: Shape shifters are your friends, Quark!
Quark: My bar is my friend! You're not!
Jake: Daddy, my pants are on fire!
Chief O Brain: You know, the best remedy for that would be Lipton Iced Tea.
Jake: How would that help?
Chief O Brain: All I know is the s**t's good!
Nog: Blahblahblahblahblah... (starts singing) Egotistical! YEAH!
Egotistical! I think I'm stupid, and my friend is gay! But what the hell do
we know, we never get paid!
Jake: Or laid!
Dax: We don't have Tampons aboard, what will I do?
Quark: Me, of course, you stupid fool!
Toadstool: I'm a toadstool!
Author's Note: There was no point to that, believe me.
Odo: Commander Sisko! I am picking up a huge missile heading this way on
Sisko: Tough toasties! We can survive! We're egotistical!
Nog: YEAH, egotistical!
Odo: What does egotistical mean anyway?
Sisko: It's another word for pink, or something.
Nog: I know! We can color the station pink!
(warning sirens go off)
Gay Computer: Red Alert! Red Alert! Chicken Supreme! Red Alert!
Everyone: Oh poopy...
Bart Missile: (hits Deep Space Nine and blows it to hell)
Back at the Hideout....
Ami: Dav, I meant ask you something.
Dav: What is it?
Ami: Why did you invite Fei and Bart along in the first place?
Dav: If it wasn't for them, we would've never gotten together.
Ami: Good point (they embrace and kiss).
Barret: Ya know, ya foo's can go to ya room and do dat'!
Dav: Actually, I had a better idea. Ami-chan, do you want to play a game of Smash
Bros. with me and guys?
Ami: (smiles) Well, I'm not very good at video games, but I'll try.
Dav: Hey, Vegeta, Cloud, let's have play a round!
Vegeta: Sounds good, but who's gonna be the fourth person playing?
Dav: Ami-chan, of course.
Vegeta/Cloud: (look at Dav with very confused looks)
Aeris: I'm coming also so I can watch my Vegeta win!!
Red XIII: I'll gotta go wash off all of the barf, no thanks to you guys!
(heads into the bathroom)
Cait's friend: (looks at Minako) Tequila man!!
Minako: You read my mind! (they head off for Cloud and Tifa's room and..... you
get the point)
Cait Sith: Joe and I will spy on Minako.... and....
Minako: WHAT DID YOU SAY!?!!?
Cait Sith: Whoops!
Joe: Idiot!! You weren't supposed to say that out loud!!
Minako: ......I'll get you two later, right now, I have some unfinished
business, right Cait's friend?
Cait's friend: Tequila! Tequila! (they head off)
In Dav's room....
Dav: I'll go with Mario this time around.
Vegeta: Ness for me.
Cloud: I'll try to play as Captain Falcon this time.
Ami: I'll try Samus.
Cloud: I'm guessing will make it a free-for-all, since this is Ami's first
Vegeta: I'll pick the stage..... we'll fight in Fairy Boy's place!
Dav: Speaking of fairy boy, does anyone know what happened to him?
Vegeta: I don't know and I don't care!
Cloud: Ditto that! Eat Falcon Punch, fat man!
Dav: (dodges the punch and jumps down on Falcon)
Ami: Well..... I have to get used to the controls..... (charges up Samus'
Vegeta: (picks up a Bob-omb) Eat this and DIE! (throws at Mario)
Cloud: (gets hit instead and damage goes up to 110%) Why the hell are you two
ganging up on me!?!?!
Dav/Vegeta: Cause we can!!
Cloud: (picks up a ray gun and shoots at Ness) Eat s**t!!
Vegeta: (puts on absorbing shield) Nice try, d**kwad!! (runs up and bashes
Falcon) That's for choosing my best character!
Ami: (releases the fire button and Samus fires off her energy ball)
Cloud: What the....!??! (energy ball hits Falcon and knocks him out of the
Cloud: (in shock and embarrassed as hell) I lost to a beginner.....
Vegeta: (laughing at Cloud for losing)
Cloud: Shut up..... I lost to a beginner......
Aeris: It's now down to Dav, Ami and Vegeta! Who will win!!?!?
Gregory: (appears out of nowhere) Hello, I'm Gregory the Fejita Man!!
Vegeta: Ah crap, not you again!!
Cait's friend: (voice echoing) Feeeeejittttta maaaaan!
Vegeta: Shut up and screw your chick!!
Gregory: Can I have a bean and cheese taco, pretty please?
Vegeta: Damn you!! GO TO HELL ONCE AND FOR ALL!!
Gregory: But, I like tacos!
Vegeta: So do I, now DIE! (blows Fejita man awa and continues playing) Hey
Dav..... EAT BEAM SWORD!!
Dav: (counter attacks by throwing a Pokeball at Vegeta) Eat this!!
Vegeta: AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It's Goldeen!!!
Dav: Those things suck...
Cloud: Just like all Pokemon do!!
Ami: (runs up suddenly and beats the s**t out of Ness)
Vegeta: What.....!?!?! How....!??!!? Why....!?!?!?
Ami: (giggles) This is fun!
Vegeta: Damn! My life's at 186%!! (jump kicks Samus)
Ami: (Picks up a baseball bat and whacks Ness out of the arena)
Vegeta: (in shock and embarrassed as hell)
Cloud: (laughing at Vegeta)
Dav: Sorry, Ami-chan, but I can't go easy on you anymore.
Ami: It's okay, it's just a game anyway.
Cloud/Vegeta: We lost to a beginner..... (heads back upstairs)
Dav: (picks up a Bob-omb) Ami.....please forgive.... what the!?!?!
Ami: (found another Bob-omb and throws it at Mario)
Ramza: (appears in the game somehow) That's my line!
Dav: How in the living f**k did you get in there!?!?!?!
Ramza: By a magical teapot!
Dav: Well.......... heh heh heh..... get him, Mario!!
Mario: I want the pasta, not the pizza! (picks up a lightsaber and chases
Ramza with it)
Ramza: Why does this always happen to me?
Krillin: I ask myself that same question all the time! (a ton of bricks falls
Mario: It's a me, a Mario! (swings lightsaber and knocks Ramza out of the
Dav: As always, the Cole Man is the winner!
Ami: I wonder what this does... ? (throws Bob-omb at Mario and blows him WAY
out of the arena)
Dav: (in shock) I.....lost?
Cloud/Vegeta: (burst out laughing at Dav)
Dav: Shut up!! You two shouldn't be laughing either!!
Vegeta: I never though I'd see the day when the champion of Smash Bros., Dav
Cole, would no longer be the "Champion".
Dav: It....it was beginner's luck, right Ami-chan?
Ami: Yes, I'm sure that was it.
Cloud: (with sarcasm) Yeah, "sure it was!"
Somewhere in the ocean....
DiCrapio: Why do I suck?
Ramza: Why is Dav so mean to me?
Bird: (poops on Ramza's head)
Ramza: I want Delita back!
DiCrapio: I want to molest children again!
Ramza: Why do our lives suck?
Dave: Isn't it obvious!?!?!
DiCrapio: Who's there?!?!!?!? I have my ninja skills and I'm not afraid to
Dave: Dicrapio, shut the hell up you retard!!
Ramza: It's just the mean author, don't mind him.
DiCrapio: Is there any coconut juice left?
Ramza: That camel over there drank it all! It isn't fair! I'll get my
revenge! One day, I WILL GET MY REVENGE!
Emerald Weapon: (voice coming from the water) I am the evil camel of this
island. No dips**ts allowed! Get off!
DiCrapio: You...you don't scare me! (runs up, slams into a tree and a coconut
falls on his head)
Ramza: I want....Princess Ruto back! WAHHHHH!!
Emerald Weapon: (surfaces) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
DiCrapio: What the.... ah f**k no!!
Emerald Weapon: ROOOOOOAAAAAARRRR!!!
Ramza: I may not be a rocket scientist, but I think we're gonna die!!
DiCrapio: I can't die! My destiny is to be married to Kate Winslit!!!!
Emerald Weapon: Pickle d**k!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!
Ramza: (running around) What are we gonna do!!?!?
DiCrapio: Save the puppies! SAVE THE PUPPIES!!
Ramza: What puppies!?!?!
Emerald Weapon: (blows the island away with DiCrapio and Ramza on it)
(After the Smash Bros. fight)
Dav: I....lost...? I F**KING LOST!!!
Cloud: You just now noticed that?
Ami: Dav, I wish you wouldn't cuss so much. It's degrading.
Dav: Sorry, Ami-chan. I'll do my best.
Vegeta: Welcome to the married life, kid.
Ami/Aeris: WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!?
Vegeta: Uh....well.... nothing.... ah crap! I'm outta here!
And so the fic ends, with Ami and Aeris chasing Vegeta around the bar, and
all Dav and Cloud can do is.....laugh at him.
And for no reason at all....
Gohan: (in his Oozaru form and waving his arms around) AHHHHHHH!!!! (smashes
Piccolo: What to do? What to do?
Gohan: (uses the breath beam and blows up a poterpoty)
Guy: AHHHHH, I have to go!! (runs away)
Piccolo: He'll destroy the world if he isn't stopped soon!!
Musashi: (cuts off Gohan's tail) I am Musashi!
Gohan: ROOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAARRRRRR!!!! (looks down and stomps on Musashi)
Musashi: (somehow survives and is stumbling around) I think I want to be Pee
Wee again... (falls down and cracks his head open)
Gohan: (trips and falls on Musashi, crushing him... again)
Piccolo: (sits there and laughs)
THE END...or is it?
(The song "No Longer Alone" begins to play)
Author's Notes: Well, I hope you all enjoyed Fic number 3 of this saga! I'll
admit, I did a better job on it then I previously though.
This also complete the Nightmare at Gold Saucer Trilogy. I hope you all have
-Frieza's actual name in the Japanese version was Freezer
-Cait's friend is finally able to say a few other things other then "Tequila
Man" and "Fejita Man"
-The person in the plane was Bruce Willis. That's why he suddenly dropped
out of the fic during the Battle Square scene
-The song, "No Longer Alone", is the first ending song to Dragonball GT
-Don't ask me why I decided to have Usagi obsessed with popsicles this time
-Aeris' baby will not appear until the very end of Fic 5 of the saga
-This fic took nearly 8 months to write (after three nasty lazy spells and
school, I'm not surprised)
Stay tuned: Fic 4 of the saga, Villans Incorporated by Dyne, is just around the
It's all here! Happy, or just ready to head back?