Quest for Pringles
by:Valery Pinchuk

All the characters are Copyright of wherever the he** they came from, blablabla

(In the Shinra Manshion)
Sephiroth:MWAHahahaha.....now that almost everything is ready, soon I will take over the world....
Hojo:It's finished! Your clone is alive! He looks exactly like you.
Sephiroth:Well, let me see him then!Haha...Cloud can't beat two Sephiroths at once!!!
Hojo:Well, except one little thing....
Sephiroth:What?
Hojo:He's chibi.
Sephiroth:What? What does 'chibi' mean?
Hojo:Don't you speak Japenese? You starred in one of the most famous games there!
Sephiroth:Yeah, but all you had to do was laugh a lot and shout out car names, and they wouldn't even notice.
Hojo:Okay. He's a midget.
Sephiroth:WHAT?
(A little Sephiroth comes out)
Sephiroth:But he's so cute...like a dog...(starts petting the other Sephiroth's head)Yes, I shall call him...Mini-me.
(Dr.Evil appears with his little midget)
Dr.Evil:Hey! That name's taken!
Sephiroth:Well, okay. I'll uh, name him Fluffy.
Dr.Evil:Hey, where am I, anyways?
Hojo:You're in Neibelheim, on a different planet.
Dr.Evil:What's its name?
Hojo:We have no idea. Well, anyways, I used an Instant Plot device
Sephiroth:Just add water.
Hojo:To bring you here.
Dr.Evil:What for?
Sephiroth:To help us take over the world.
Dr.Evil:Hmmmmm....I don't know......
Hojo:There are no Austin Powers here.
Dr.Evil:Well, okay. What's your evil plot?
Sephiroth:We shall take over all the Pringles factories. Then,after a few hours, we're going to go to the Gold Saucer and make a public anouncement that if they want their precious Pringles back, they'll have to let me become the president!
Dr.Evil:Why the Gold Saucer?
Sephiroth:Because I have to get rid of that pesky AVALANCHE team to make my plan work, or everyone will expect them to kill me one more time.
Hojo:And, we have the worst possible weapon that will make then suffer.
Dr.Evil:Yes, sounds like a good plan.
Sephiroth:It is.
Dr.Evil&Sephiroth:(Start petting their midgets' heads) MWAHahahahahaha......

(At the Gold Saucer)
(Everyone gets off that thing...how should I know what it is?Okay, they walk to the entrance.)
Cloud:Okay, where does everyone wanna go?
Tifa:I'm going to go to the event square with Cloud.
Aerith:Uh, me too.(Tifa glares at Aerith)
Cid:I'm gonna go to rthe Battle Square.
Barret:Me too, fo-
Red XIII: If you say it, I'm gonna maul you and then use your dead corpse as a mop.
Cid:I wonder how, since you can't even hold a mop...(everyone laughs, except Red)
Red XIII:Grrrrrrrrrrrr....
Vincent:Red XIII and I will play chess at the Ghost Square.
Yuffie:And I will-
Cid:no one cares, Yuffie.
(Everyone already went to their squares)
Yuffie:Well, fine.(she jumps into the Wonder Square hole, cussing the whole time until she got there)

(In the second room)
Girl:Dammit! Why won't that @#$&in' Mog fly?(kicks the machine, and starts to walk off)
Girl behing her, ya know, the one who's head looks like an onion:Hmmm....I'm impressed. Thanks for showing me it.
Girl:Thanx for shoing you what?Get away from me, you freak!
(Yuffie walks in, and runs into the girl)
Girl:Hey, watch where you're going!
Yuffie:Hey, I haven't seen you here before. Where ya from?
Girl:I'm from Russia.
Yuffie:Is that some kind of town or something?
Girl:Uh, yeah....My name's Lera. What's yours?
Yuffie:Yuffie. What's that you're wearing?
Lera:(Looks down at her black Kishin Corps shirt and black jeans.)
Lera:Uhmn, clothes.
Yuffie:Oh, okay. Wanna fight on that 3-D fighting thing?
(an evil look comes over Lera's face)
Lera:Okay.
(they start playing, and 5 seconds later, Yuffie's fighter is already dead)
Yuffie:.......
Lera:Wanna play again?
Yuffie:No thanks.
(Lera opens a can of Pringles)
Lera:Want some?
Yuffie:Okay.(takes a few)MMmmm...these are good!(reaches for more)
Lera:Heyheyhey!Get your own.
Yuffie:Poo...(goes over to the guard guy and buys one can)

(Meanwhile,at the Event Square...)
Cloud is sitting between Aerith and Tifa
Tifa:(puts her arm around Cloud)
Aerith:(very quietly)oh, no you don't.(puts her head on Cloud's shoulder)
Tifa:(starts kissing Cloud)
Aerith:(rips off he shirt and starts making out with him)
Security Guard:Hey! We don't need any of that here!(pulls Cloud, Aerith, and Tifa out of the Event Square and Into the Station.
Aerith:Now, see what you did!?!
Tifa:What I did!?(both start fighting)
Cloud:Wha....?

(Battle Square)
Cid just beat the Special mode in battle and got Final Attack materia)
Cid:yay
Barret:I pity da foo' who don't got Final Attack materia.
Cid:That means you pity RedXIII?
Barret:No.
Both:Hahahahaahahahaha!!!
RedXIII:That's it!(jumps on Barret and is about to maul him when...)
Announcer:Attention all Gold Saucer customers. It is I, Sephiroth! I have taken over all the Pringle factories in the world (a large number of screams can be heard) if you ever want to taste a Pringle again, send AVALANCHE up here and make me the new president!
Barret:What the fudge is a Pringle?
Yuffie: It's this.(holds up a can)
(everyone is up at battle square, because that's where they have to go to get sent up to Sephiroth)
Cloud:Hey, who's that girl next to Yuffie?
Lera:My name's Lera. How do you keep your hair like that?
Cloud:Well, It takes a lot of gel...
Sephiroth:Welcome, Cloud.
Cloud:You fiend! How did you know my name!?
Tifa:Uh, Cloud, that's Sephiroth.
Cloud:Oh.
(Dr.Evil appears)
Dr.Evil:Hahahahaha....
Lera:Ooooo.....it's Dr.Evil. Can I have your autograph?
Dr.Evil:No.
Sephiroth:Prepare to meet doom!
(a warp opens,and everyone gets sucked in)
Sephiroth:Welcome to.....Telletubby world! GWAHahahahahaha..... (dissapears)
Yuffie:Telletubby world?
(the telletubbies run out onto the field where AVALANCHE is)
Telletubbies:Uh-oh!
Lera:Uh-oh is right! Everyone run!
Everyone:(runs) ^_~
Lera:Okay, yellow telletubby! this is for when i accidentaly recorded 10 minutes of you dancing with a ball!Fireball!!(The yellow telleubby Gets burned to a crisp)
Green Telletubby:Uh-oh!
Lera:Is that all you can say!? Die!!!(Kicks it REALLY hard in its 'tubby' and then summons Shiva to fininsh it and the red one off)
Purple Telletubby:Tinky Winky!(smacks Lera with his purse)
Lera:S**T!!!! This is for being so D**n gay!!!(casts Knights of the Round, and then runs off)

(On the other side of the field)
Aerith:What are we gonna do!? I don't want to be stuck in Telletubby land forever!
Tifa:Oh, look! A cute litle bunny!(bends down to pet it)
Lera:No, don't!(but, it's too late)
(the little brown bunny grows little fangs and jumps on Tifa's arm.)
Tifa:ARRRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!! Get it off!(the bunny bites really hard into the arm)
Tifa:OOOOOoooooooowwwwww!!!!!(then it jumps off and waddles away)
Barret:hey, Cid. Have you ever seen a bunny waddle before?
Cid:Nope.
Lera:I figured out how to get out of here!
Everyone else: how?
Lera:We jump through that portal over there!(points)
Vincent:Now, where's that come from?
(everyone jumps in, and end up in Pokemon world)
Pikachu:pika pika!
Ash:What, pikachu? Brock fell down the well?
Pikachu:pika pika!
Ash:And he's reading dirty magazines there?
Pikachu:pika pika!
Ash:And you just saw a big group of people come in through a portal in to this world, and one of the people had giant marshmallows and another person was a mix of a dog and cat?
Pikachu:Pikaaaaaaaaaa!
(Lera grabbed Pikachu and put him in a rubber bag and everyone ran back into the portal)
Jesse:Prepare for Trouble
James:and make it double
Jesse:T-
meowth:hey, where's Pikachu?
Jesse:Dammit, Meowth, can't you keep your mowth closed for once and let us finish our speech!?
James:but, really, Jesse, Pikachu is gone.
Jesse:crap! Well, let's go now....
Ash:That was pretty messed up right there...

(Shinra Headquarters)
Sephiroth:MWAHAhahahahaha!!! Our plan worked!
Hojo:Yeah!
Dr.Evil:(starts to pet Mini-me's head) Now, we can hold the world for a ransom of...(close-up of his face) one-million gil.
Sephiroth:uh, Dr.Evil
Dr.Evil:oh, oops. (another close-up of his face) twenty-million gil.
Cloud:oh, no you don't!
Sephiroth:How did you get out of telletubbie land?
Cloud:That's not important. We've come to destroy you, Sephiroth!
Sephiroth:Hahaha! that's where you're wrong! Come forth, our allies! (Bob Saget, DiCaprio, and Hanson appears)
Tifa:oh, no!
Lera:Cloud,take care of Sephiroth, Tifa, Dr.Evil. Yuffie, Mini-me.Red XIII, Sephiroth's midget.
Sephiroth:Hey, his name is Fluffy!
Lera:Barret, Hojo, Cid, Bob Saget, Vincent,DiCaprio, (takes a deep breath) and I'll take care of Hanson.
(everyone get's into battle position)
DiCaprio:(takes out a mirror) I'm so pretty.
Vincent:(Forms into the gut with the chainsaw and cuts him in half)
DiCaprio:I'm.....so.........pretty..........(dies)
Vincent:that was easy.(does whatever it is he does when he wins)
Fluffy:I pity da foo' who isn't evil.
RedXIII:AAHHHHsdgha;dh/;addsj.kfhgv.khk.SHV>KHSU!!!(Mauls both the midgets and they die.)
Cloud:Good job, Red.
Red XIII:(bites Clouds hand)
Cloud:ow!
Red XIII:oops, sorry.
Hanson:Mmmmmmmbop.....
Lera:Your vital singing can't hurt me! I'm wearing earphones! Here's a present!(Throws them Pikachu)
Zack:AAAAAh! get it away!
Pikachu:pika pika!
Zack:Huh? The capital of England is London?
Pikachu:Pika!(fries Hanson)
Hanson:Life is like a cookiecutter....or something like that.....(die)
Pikachu:(Makes a little 'v' sign with his paw)
Bob Saget: Hey, wanna hear a knock-knock joke?
Cid:(shoves spear up Bob Saget's @$$)
Bob Saget:(hisses like a vampire and runs off)
Barret:(shoots hojo once)
Hojo:ow.(dies)
Barret:Great. I got the weak one.
(Sephiroth and Dr.Evil look around)
Sephiroth:Mommy.
Cloud:(Omnislash)
Sephiroth:poo.(dies)
Cloud:And THAT'S the end of THAT chapter.
Dr.Evil:please don't kill me.
Tifa:(kills him)
(Everyone that didn't yet does their victory dance)

(the next day at AVALANCHE headquarters)
Lera:hey, anyone wanna play Tekken 3?
All the guys:hell, ya!
(they jump down the pinball machine and turn on the playstation)
Cloud:'Final Fantasy VII'? What the he'' is that!?
Lera:(quickly takes it out)you wouldn't wanna know.(sticks Tekken 3 in)
Barret:I'll go first.

(15 seconds later)
Barret:D**N!!!How did you do that?
Lera:C'mon, Barret, that's the third time I beat you. Let someone else play.
Barret:@#$%... fine....
Cid:I'll go, but no using Nina anymore.
Lera:fine, whatever.(picks Jun and does a r-e-a-l-l-y loooooooonngg combo on him. then, upercuts hm into the air and keeps him up there for seven seconds)
Cid:HEY!!!
Lera:well, if you excuse me, i'm gonna go on the internet.
(goes ove to the computer, logs on, and goes to the anime capsule at geocities)
(The guys keep playing Tekken 3)

(the next morning)
(Lera finally gets off the computer)
Vincent:God morning, Lera.
Lera:Grrrrrrmpphhh.(she strts walking like a zombie towards the bathroom)
Cid:I see SOMEONE isn't a morning person.
Lera:(walks over to, Cid, punches him in the face, and walks away)
Cid:oowwwww....
(Lera walks into the bathroom. A few seconds later the shower could be heard)
(15 minutes later Lera ame out of te bathroom and went to the computer. Barret was sitting in the chair and on some stupid site about doughnuts)
Lera:Grrrrrrrrmpppphhh
Barret:No!
Lera:Grrrrrrrrrmppphh(kickes Barret out of the chair and sits in it. She goes back to the geocities anime capsule.

The End
Cloud:hey, what kind of an end was that!? Even Marlene could've come with something better!!!
Tifa:I wouldn't say that if I were you...
Cloud:Why not, it's the truth!
(a giant lightning bolt hits Cloud. He dies. Too bad.)
Tifa:see?

More fanfiction that still doesn't make any sense