Shinra's Revenge
By Cloud Strife & Cait Sith

Shinra HQ (Final Fantasy VII)

(In ShinRa Headquaters 67th Floor Meeting Room)
Anouncers Voice: Will the ShinRa hierarchy, including the Turks, report to the 67th floor meeting room. No vodka this time! THIS MEANS YOU, RENO!
Rufus: I'm going on vacation. I haven't got some since I assumed the presidency.(Author note: Unlike Bill Clinton) I need a vacation, badly.
Reno: The Honey Bee Inn is a great place to get some.
Rufus: Do you know this from first hand experience?
Rude: Yeah, that place is great! I got to take a bath with 15 naked gay men.(Authors note: This part in the game sucked @$$)
Reno: Rude liked it because they let him wet the bed.
Elena: You guys just need a real woman, like me!
All:(Laugh menaghically)
Scarlet: Yeah! She'll play Barbies with you! Ha ha ha!
All:(Laugh menaghically)
Elena:(Runs crying into her room) Barbie? You won't laugh at me? Right?
Barbie:(Laughs menaghically)
Reeve:(In Meeting Room with a remote) This is great! Those cameras in Barbie's eyes give me great footage!
Tseng: I wanna see those!Palmer: There's lard on her breasts! Yummy yummy lard!
All: Palmer, you fat peice of s**t!
Rufus: No! That's the kind of leadership skills I want while I'm gone! Palmer, you're in charge while I'm gone.
All: WHAT?!?!?
Palmer:(Grabs Reno's nightstick and rides around on tricycle) YOU WILL RESPECT MY AUTHORITY!!!!!!!!!! (Beats everyone with nightstick then shocks Scarlet with it)
Rufus:(Gives nightstick back to Reno) And Turks! You will go after Avalanche!
Scarlet: OOOHHH, PALMER! THAT TURNS ME ON! (Starts to strip)
Palmer: OOOHHH YEAH! You're breasts have more lard then Elena's! (Starts to strip)
All: HOLY S**T!!!! (Run out of room)
Palmer: OOOHHH!!! (Farts)

(In Tifa's Seventh Heaven)
Cid:(On the coutch drinking tea and waving confederate flag) DUKES KICK @$$! (Opens a can of hash)
Barret:(Walks in with Sailor suit on) Not the g*****n Dukes again! I wanna watch Shaft!
Yuffie: DAMN RIGHT!Cid: HELL NO!(Cid and Barret battle for the remote.)
Cid:(Chasing Barret around coutch trying to shove spear up his @$$) YOU G******N MONKEY! HOLD YOU'RE BLACK @$$ STILL!!!
(Remote falls to floor)
Tifa:(Takes Batteries out of the remote and throws them out the window)
Cid:(Pulling spear out of Barret's @$$) OH S**T! (Runs twords door and is closelined by Cloud)
(Everyone except Red XIII start to battle to see who can get the batteries first)
RedXIII:(Walks calmly to the TV and pushes the forgotten channel change button located right on the TV)
Cid:%@!%#$&$%*&$?$&***^*&%(^&%$*&((*^%&%$^)*(%&*$^!@@$@!%#$^%#$%#%#%^%$#%$#%%%#%#%#^%&%^*%&^%*&^(^(()*&^&%$^%#!!!!! THAT AIN'T F**KING FAIR!
Cloud: Not just fair, but f**king fair!
Barret: Damn right! How did that get there?
RedXIII:(Changes channel to news)
Reporter on TV: Shocking news! President Rufus has gone on vacation and left Palmer of the Space Division in charge. More news at 11:00, after the plate falls.
Cloud: Alright everyone, let's mosey!
Cid: Damn! Again! Stop saying it like a wimp! Can't you say "Move out!" or something?
Cloud: Move out!
All:(Run over to Plate Support Structure [or some crap like that])
Cloud: Tseng! Why do you have to threaten inocent people to get at us! We're right here!
Tseng: I won't blow this tower if a certain ancient will blow my tower! Notice the sexual inuendo.
Aeris: Bite me, Tseng!
Tseng: In my dreams I do.
Tifa: Why don't you dream about a real woman, like me!
Aeris: Well, he would do that, but he doesn't want to nibble on plastic!
Tifa: HO! (Bitch slaps Aeris. They start rumbling like Jerry Springer guests![Authors note: Cloud wrote a Jerry Springer episode but it's to racist, sexist and biased for the internet])
Cloud:(Breaks up fight) Are you alright, Aeris?
Tifa: Grrr... Why is it always Aeris? Dammit, Cloud! Don't you know I love you?
Cloud:(Troubled look on face) Tifa.....I......
Aeris: Cloud! When you bought that flower, I fell completely in love with you!
(Meanwhile the f**king plate explodes. Shrapenel flies everywhere)
Barret: We can escape on this wire! (Tries to swing from wire but falling metal bar hits him on head, knocking him unconsious. He lets go of wire, bangs into plate, flies face first into the roof of a house, falls on top of a fire hydrant, rolls around on ground for while, and gets torn up by a pack of wild dogs.)
Cid:(Summons the Highwind and saves all their @$$es, including Barret's)

(On the Highwind)
Barret:(In full body cast, gun-arm dented & distroyed. He's ranting and raving) ...because of them, Biggs...Wedge....Jessie! What the hell is it all for? I know what it's for! It's for some damn pollack's love life!
Cloud: I'm not a g*****n pollack! Just because I have blonde hair and blue eyes doesn't mean I'm a pollack! (Draws Ultima Weapon)
Tifa: Wait, Cloud! Don't kill Barret!
Aeris: Kill him, Cloud! He called you a pollack!
Cloud: Don't make me choose between you.
Barret: If you don't kill me, I'll pay you for that last mission!
Cloud: Alright, 2000 gil. I could buy a new sword.... but I don't need a new sword. I could buy materia or armor..... but I don't need any more. Oh yeah! I know! I could buy a roll of toliet paper to wipe my @$$ with!!!!!!!(Dripping with sarcasm)
Barret: So it's a deal?
Cloud: You can't even tell sarcasm when.... oh! Forget it! You're not worth it! (Storms out of room)
Tifa: See, Aeris! He likes me better!
Aeris: No he doesn't, HO! (Bitch slaps Tifa. They rumble like Springer guests again.)
Barret: Yo', Cloud! They at it again! And me wit' no popcorn!
Cloud:(Breaks up fight) Tifa, are you alright!
Aeris: Why is it always Tifa!
Cloud: Wait! I like you both! We'll settle this later!
Cait Sith:(Bursts in) YEAH! Creamed-corn wrestling!Cloud: I'll think about it.
(Ultimate Weapon crashes into the Highwind spilling Cid's tea all over him)
Cid: Ah! S**t! You f**king f**k! You f**king flying fairy! Get your sorry @$$ back here! You spilled my f**king tea!
(Cloud, Cait Sith, and Cid run out to the deck to kick Ultamate Weapon's @$$)
Ultimate Weapon: Why the hell do I always fight you when we're on the same side?
(Suddenly Ultimate Weapon is shot and killed by the Junon cannon)
Cid: &$%^#&^%&^%&^%*^#^%!^$^%$&&^&%#&^%&^*&^***^&$!&^&^$%&^%*%%@^^&$%&%!!!!! No one spills my f**king tea and gets away with it! Those Turks are f**ked!
(Highwind goes after the Turk's sorry @$$ helicopter. It shoots the helicopter and forces it to land in the Midgar Zolom's swamp.)
Reno: Holy s**t! (Drops bottle of Jack Daniels)(Avalanche exits Highwind)
Cid: You @$$holes! You spilled my f**king tea!
Reno: You made me drop a whole f**king bottle of Jack Daniels!
Midgar Zolom: GRRRRRRR!!!!!
Cait Sith: Shut the f**k up! You're no chalenge anymore! (Hits Zolom once and it dies)
Midgar Zolom: Oh poopy! (Disappears in red flash)
Cid:(Chases Reno around trying to shove spear up his @$$)
Reno:(Ignites nightstick) Enough of this s**t! Four of your best guys versus us! We have to end this..... like Turks!!!
Cloud: So your gonna get your @$$es whipped and run away like the cowards that you are!
Elena: That's the will and spirit of the Turks! Believe it!!
Tifa: I've been wanting to kick Elena's @$$ for a long time!
Aeris: Too bad I'm gonna be the one who does it!
Tifa: No you're not, HO! (Bitch slaps Aeris)
Aeris:(Slams Tifa's head into a rock)
Cloud: TIFA!!!!! (Gives her a Phoenix down)
Aeris:(With the indentation of Tifa's palm on her cheek) WHY IS IT ALWAYS TIFA?!?! Aren't I better? I'm the sweet, inocent, lovable one! I'm smarter and I'm an Ancient! What does she have on me?
Rude: One hell of a rack!!!
Aeris: That's it you bald, ugly bastard! You're dead! (Kicks him in the nuts then slams him with her staff. Digs her nails into his face and starts to rip his flesh off)
Rude:(Starts crying, wets his pants, checks his watch, then runs away)
Cid:(Picks up the Jack Daniels bottle, beats Reno with it, shoves spear up his @$$, and twists it)
Reno:(Makes gay @$$ pose, starts to bleed out his @$$, then runs away)
Tseng: Oh my god! I acually have to fight this time!
Elena: What is your weapon anyway, Tseng?
Tseng:(Whips out 8 inch vibrating dildo) I've used it on YOU when you've been disobedient! YOU otta know!
Cloud:(With look of disgust on face) You f**king pervert!
Tseng: How do you think Elena chipped her tooth! It's a great gismo!
Barret: I used it once m'self!
Yuffie:(Pukes all over Barret)
Barret: HO! (Bitch slaps Yuffie with a gay @$$ boxing glove on gun-arm)
Vincent: Enough of this s**t! (Pulls out Silver Rifle and shoots it) D'oh! (Realizes it's just a Super Soaker 30)
Tseng: Enough of this bulls**t! (Trys to attack Cloud with dildo)
Cloud:(Grabs dildo and shoves it down Tsengs throat)
Tseng:(Coughs up dildo and runs away choking)
Cloud: I can't believe I touched it!Yuffie:(Picks up dildo) Can I keep it?
Cait Sith:(Jumps on the horrified Elena)
Elena:(Drops Barbie)
Barbie:(Laughs menichally)
Cait Sith: Elena! I have a secret! I'm accually Reeve and I'm controling your Barbie! It has cameras in it's eyes and your breasts are really small! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!
Elena:Aaaahhhhhh!!! (Picks up Barbie, blows Cloud a kiss, crys, then runs away)
Midgar Zolom: GRRRR!!!!!
Yuffie: OH GAWD! Not another one! (Shoves dildo up his @$$) Midgar Zolom:(Makes plesurable noise and disappears in red flash........ forever)

(Meanwhile, at the Shinra Headquarters)
Palmer: I've got a plan! Scarlet, you and Hojo make me a Bio-weapon to conquer the world!
Hojo: What? Again?
Scarlet: Yes...... sir. Right away!
(Scarlet and Hojo leave to work on Palmer's Bio-weapon)
Palmer: SWEET!!!!!

(Back in the swamp)
Cloud: We have to go after them! I can't believe that disgusting Tseng!
Aeris: I know! He likes me, too!Cloud: I'll protect you, Aeris!
Tifa: It's always Aeris, isn't it?
Cait Sith: I'm not finished with Elena, either!
Cid:(Dripping with sarcasm) Let's mosey, everyone!
(Avalanche jumps aboard the Highwind)

(Aboard the Highwind)
Cid:(Sees the Gelnika) There's those @$$holes! Let's go!
(Gelnika weaves through the sky, crashes into a mountain, rips it's wings off, and crashes into the ocean)

(Aboard Gelnika)
Tseng: What are you doing, Reno? We're gonna die you drunken bastard!
Reno: I'M NOT DRUNK!!!!!! (Tosses an empty bottle of Jack Daniels at Tseng)
(Gelnika sinks to the bottom of the ocean and is stepped on by Emerald Weapon)

(Aboard the Highwind)Cloud: That takes care of them!
Cait Sith: Uh.... guys! We have a problem! Palmer has just unleashed the Lard Monster!
All: THE WHAT!!!
Cait Sith: The Lard Monster!!! Palmer's trying to take over the world!!!
Lard Monster:(Walks by the Highwind)Cloud: OH S**T!!!
Barret: Me an' my boyz seen sum rough s**t back in th' 'hood! But nuthin could prepare me for this!
Cid: Let's go after that lardy piece of s**t!
(The Highwind chases after the Lard Monster)
Lard Monster: PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Tosses lard at the Highwind, causing it to make an emergency landing)
Cid: F**K!!! That lardy piece of s**t ruined my plane! I'll kick it's @$$!
Lard Monster:(Throws more lard at the Highwind, sticking everyone in place) HA HA HA!!!!!
Cait Sith: AW MAN! I'm covered in lard!Cloud: I can't move my legs!
Aeris: Cloud, I'm scared!Cloud: It's alright, Aeris! I'm here for you!
Tifa: Why is it always Aeris? I'm scared too!!!
Cloud: Don't worry, Teef! I'm here for you, too!
Yuffie: Vinny, I'm scared, too! Hold me!
Vincent: It'll be alright, babe! (Hugs Yuffie)
Barret: S**t! Now I'm gonna puke!!!
Cid: That lard @$$ ruined my plane! That mother f**kers dead! As soon as I get out of this g*****n s**t!
Lard Monster:(Laughs menichally) Now, rot in the hot sun! HA HA HA!!! (Leaves to go on a rampage)
Cloud: We must stop it!
Barret: Foo'! How we gonna do dat? We stuck under dis s**t!
Cait Sith: I'm starving! Anyone here know how to cook?
Cloud: I don't!
Tifa: I can cook! I'm the best! But I have nothing to cook. All we have is rice, vegtables, and chicken.
Yuffie: I can cook with that! (Pulls out a Wok)
Cid: Oh s**t! It's "YUFFIE'S ORIENTAL COOKING"! (Insert music of horror here. We suggest something oriental)
Yuffie: What's wrong with my cooking, old man? (Starts chopping vegtables)
Cid: Stop calling me that, b***h! If I could go over there, I'd smack your @$$!
Yuffie:(Stir-frys chicken, vegtables, and "Uncle Ben's Instant Rice")
Lard: Oh s**t! They found my weakness! "YUFFIE'S ORIENTAL COOKING"! (Insert music of horror here)
Yuffie: Alright! It's ready!
Lard: Damn! (Disappears in red flash)
Cid: Yeah! I can get the Highwind working again!
Yuffie: Wait! You have to eat my cooking first!
Vincent: I'll have some. (Takes a bite. Struggles to keep puke in) It's...... good......Yuffie.......
Barret: I once ate outta a garbage can back in m' 'hood! I can stand it! (Eats some) Oh s**t! I don't believe sumthin' so horrible can exist in da' world! Dis s**t is worse den Vincent's tarts!
Vincent: NOBODY INSULTS MY TARTS!!!! (Changes into chainsaw wielding maniac and chases Barret around laughing menichally)
Barret: Holy g*****n s**t!
Yuffie: Who else wants some?
Cloud: No time! We have to stop the Lard Monster!
Sephiroth: I'll take care of it!
Sephiroth: But first I'm gonna have some of this wonderful smelling stir-fry!
Cloud: Not "YUFFIE'S ORIENTAL COOKING"! (Insert music of horror here)
Sephiroth: Yes! It looks delicious! (Eats some) Oh my god! This s**t is worse then Vincent's tarts!!!
Vincent: (Stops chasing Barret and bobbittizes Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: (Sings a really high note then talks in a high pitched voice) Oh my god! Holy s**t! I'LL NEVER HAVE KIDS!!!!!
All: GOOD!!!
Lard Monster: (From long distance away lets out a horrifying shriek)
Cloud: What the hell was that?
All: (Jump aboard Highwind to see what the hell happened, leaving Sephiroth rolling on the ground)
(Palmer is lying on the ground looking fatter then ever. The Lard Monster is nowhere in sight. Rufus's helicopter shows up)
Rufus: (With lipstick all over face..... as well as other places) Palmer! I heard about your plan! What the hell happened?
Palmer: I was really hungry and it was made out of yummy, goey lard! I couldn't help myself!
Rufus: Dammit, Palmer! You almost conquered the world for me! You ate it? Palmer, YOU'RE FIRED!!!!!
Palmer: (Let's out a long, disgusting, sloppy, wet fart)
Rufus: HOLY S**T! I'd better get the hell out of here before I sufficate! (Leaves in helicopter)
Cloud:(In the Highwind) Our work here is done.
Cait Sith: Yeah, now for the creamed-corn wrestling! We'll have it at the Battle Arena at Gold Saucer! I'll work out a deal with Dio! We could sell tickets! We'll make a foutune! But I'm almost broke! Let's earn money at the Chocobo races!
(Highwind goes to the Gold Saucer)

(At Chocobo Square) Ester: Hey, Cloud! Wanna race!
Joe: Yeah! My Chocobo, Teioh, will kick your Chocobo's @$$!
Cloud: Yeah right, Joe! Dream on!
Cait Sith: I'll bet on Cloud! His Gold Chocobo, Nugget, can beat Teioh anyday!
Vincent: Just in case, I'll bet on Teioh.
Ester: Okay! Good luck!

(The race starts)
Cloud: Eat my dust, Joe! (Passes him) Joe: Holy s**t! That Chocobos fast!
Nugget: Wark!
Teioh: Wark wark!
Cait Sith: Come on, Nugget! Let's goooooo Nugget! Kick @$$, Cloud!
Vincent: Dammit Teioh, move your @$$!
Joe: He's getting to that line that slows them down! (Laughs menaichally)
Teioh: Wark! (Cloud and Nugget pass line and maintain speed)
Joe: Oh s**t! I forgot that the line doesn't slow gold chocobos!
Cloud:(Crosses finish line on Nugget) ALRIGHT! Good job, Nugget!
Nugget: WARK!
Cait Sith: SWEET!!!! Good job, Cloud!
Vincent: DAMN! I'm broke!
Cait Sith: You could always get a bank loan.
Vincent: But how am I gonna pay that off, with another bank loan?
Joe: G*****N!!! I can't believe I lost! I MUST REALLY SUCK!
Cloud and Cait Sith: YES!!! YOU DO!!!!
Joe: I QUIT!!!
Ester: Good job, Cloud!
Cait Sith: Yeah! Now I have enough money to rent the Battle Arena from Dio! I can't wait! CREAMED-CORN WRESTLING!!!!
Dio:(Walks in) Hey! This might be interesting! I'll sell tickets!
Cait Sith: Doncha ever wear a shirt!
Dio: Shuddap, Kaitty!
Dio: Alright, Cait. Calm Down.Cait Sith: Thank you.

(In Battle Arena. The Arena is made to look like a wrestling ring filled with creamed-corn. The area around the ring has bleachers set up and is filled with people, including Cloud, Cid, Barret and the others.Cait Sith is annoucing with is HP Shout)
Cait Sith: Welcome to the main event! This is the final deciding battle over Cloud's affection! The loser get's emotionally distroyed! The winner get's Cloud Strife for her very own! (Authors note: Cloud here says he's quite a prize!) Now let's meet the contestants! In this corner, standing at 5' 4", weighing in at, 119 lbs, "The mistress of the golden glove", Tifaaaaaaaaaaa Lockheart! And in this corner, standing at 5' 3", weighing in at, 105 lbs, "The green-eyed goddess of the flowers", Aerisssssss Gainsborough! Alright, ladies, I want a clean fight! No eye gouging, no hair pulling, no materia! Now shake hands come out fighting! Alright, LET'S GET IT ON!!!!!
Tifa: You're dead, b***h!
Aeris: (Prays)
(They shake hands and prepare to fight)
Aeris:(Jumps from her corner and dive bombs Tifa)Cait Sith: Good move by, Aeris!
Tifa:(Hits Aeris with Premium Heart) Oh s**t! My limit bars not high enough! (Throws it away, deciding bare skin is tougher. Kicks Aeris)
Aeris:(Grabs Tifa's leg and pulls her into the corn. Grabs her braided hair and beats her with it)
Cait Sith: And they're in the creamed-corn!
Cid:(Sipping tea) Yeah! This is better then the Dukes! (Pops open a can of hash)
Cloud:(Thinks) If they're this wild in the ring, I wonder how they would be in bed!
Tifa:(Backhands Aeris, causing her to land face first in the corn)
Aeris:(Gets up looking pissed) That's it, Double D! (Trys to pull Tifa around by back of her top but accidentaly pulls her top off)
Cait Sith: And Tifa's now top-less! Tifa:(Trys to put top back on)
Aeris:(Kicks Tifa in the butt, jumps on her, and holds her face under the corn)
Cait Sith: I think that's an illegal move!
Referee: Break it up! (Trys to pull Aeris off of Tifa but is kicked in the nuts by Aeris)
Tifa:(Flails arms wildly and rips Areis's dress, and for the first time ever Aeris's legs are revealed. A message flashes across the screen, HP/MP RESTORED)
RedXIII: So that's how her limit breaks work!
Barret: I'd probably level up if she'd show sum cleaveage!
Cloud: You horney pervert!!! (Pulls out Ultima Weapon and climhazzards him, sends him up into the rafters)
Barret:(Just hangs there for a while)
Aeris:(Is wailing on Tifa)
Tifa:(Does a backflip and kicks Aeris in the face. While Aeris is realing, she puts her top back on)
Tifa: You bunch of perverts! (Moves tword Aeris to finish her off. Throws a punch that Aeris blocks, breaking a nail)
Aeris: YOU TWO CENT HO! YOU BROKE MY NAIL!!! YOU SHALL DIE, B***H!!!!! (Kicks Tifa in the stomach, jumps on her back, knocks her down, throws creamed-corn in her eyes, slaps the s**t out of her, knees her in the face, picks her up, and chucks her out of the ring)
Cait Sith:(Plays victory fanfare on Battle Trumpet) Winner by knock-out, ring out and all around @$$ whipping... Aeris Gainsborough!!!!!
Johnny: Hey, since Aeris gets Cloud, maybe Tifa will be on the rebound!
Vincent: And I'm sure she'd go out with a mental patient like you, hoodlum!
Cloud:(steps into ring and kisses Aeris. Gets down on knee to propose to her)
Sephiroth:(Comes flying down to stab Aeris)
Cloud:(Pushes Aeris out of the way and is stabed by Sephiroth. Picks him up by his sword and throws him into the turn buckle)
Cait Sith:(Tosses Cloud an X-potion) And now for the show down of the century! In this corner, Weighing in at 145 lbs, wielding his Ultima Weapon, the Spikey-headed "Ex-soilder" from Nibelhiem, Cloud "Cutter" Strife!!!!!! And in this corner, the biggest @$$hole in the world, Sephiroth!!! (Authors note: All you people who call yourselves Sephiroth, CHEW ON THIS!!!!!) Alright you two, make this a bloody fight! No holds barred! LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: You can't win, Cloud! My sword is longer than yours!
Cloud: Oh yeah, well I've got the girth!
Vincent: What sword, Sephy? Didn't I bobbitize you?
Sephiroth: You'd be suprised at what Lucrecia can do. She's a good surgeon.
Vincent: I'm surprised she could find it!
Sephiroth: Shut up! She never felt a thing for you!
Vincent: Save some of him for me, Cloud!!!Cloud: You can have his corpse!
Stupid fan in crowd: Gooooooooo Sephiroth! Yeah Meteor! Let's stab an innocent, sweet girl in the back like a coward! Let's f**k with a guys mind so much that he doesn't know who he is, like a pussy! Let's..........
Rest of crowd:(Blugeons him with a chair leg)
Cloud: This is for Nibelhiem. (Slashes at Sephiroth's head)
Sephiroth:(Ducks grabs hold of unconcious Tifa and holds Masamune at her throat) One move and she dies!!!! Your friends are only a liability!!!!!!!!!!!
Cloud: I can't beleive I ever wanted to be like you!
Tifa:(Comes to and kicks Sephiroth in the nuts) That's for my Dad!!!!!!!!!! (Get's out of the way)
Cloud: OMNISLASH!!!!Sephiroth:(In really high voice) Oh s**t!
Cloud:(Hits Sephiroth and kills him, because he only has 4000 HP, but continues to beat his corpes 14 more times)
Barret:(Falls off the rafters and lands on Sephiroth's bloody corpse, crushing some bones)
Vincent:(Kicks Barret off and burns Sephiroth's corpse. Pisses on the ashes) AHHHHHH!!!!!! That's better!
Cait Sith: And Vincent just adds insult to injury, well, acually death! That takes care of that! Our winner and still champion, Cloud "The Man" Strife!!!!!!
Audience:(Cheers)Stupid Sephiroth fan: BOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
Rest of audience:(Kicks his sorry @$$ until he croaks)

(500 years later)
RedXIII: ....and that, kids, is how we finished off that @$$hole Sephiroth!
Cub 1: Yea, Daddy! What a great story!
Cub 2: But you didn't DO anything, Daddy!
RedXIII: Shut up and go to bed you little brat!!!

THE END....... for now!
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