Slim Sephy
By Kebinu
(sung-er, rapped-to the tune of Eminem's "My Name Is")
All Final Fantasy 7 characters are copyrighted by Squaresoft.

Sephiroth: Uh? Is this thing on? (laughs maniacally) Here goes…

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)

Seph: Can I have the attention of the Planet, for one second?

My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!
Seph: Hi, kids! Do you like violence?
Marlene: Yeah, yeah!!!
Seph: Wanna see me stick my 9-foot sword through Aeris's eyelids?
Marlene: Uh huh!!!
Seph: Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did?
Marlene: Yeah, yeah!!!
Seph: Fought Cid and got my @$$ kicked worse than Cloud Strife did?
Cid: DAMN RIGHT!!!!!! (opens can of hash)
Seph: My mom's dead weight. I'm trying to get my genes straight
But I can't figure out what girl my dad managed to impregnate!
Hojo: *sweatdrops*
Seph: And Dr. Gast says…
Gast: Slim Sephy, you are weak, man!!!
Seph: NAH-UH!!!!!!!!!!
Gast: Then why's your dad a geek, man? You a freak, man!
Seph: (slices him in half) Well, since age 30 I've felt like I'm someone else
'Cause I slaughtered a whole town to the sound of a choir and bells
Got pissed off and killed Tifa's old man off
And slashed her so hard she's got a big chest scar of a criss-cross!
Rufus: I smoke a fat pound of grass and fall on my @$$
Faster than Palmer did when he sat down too fast!!!
Seph: Get outta here, Shinra!!!
Scarlet: Sephy, wait a minute, that's my man, dogg!!!
Seph: I don't give a f**k, Mom sent me to kill the world off!!!

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!
Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!

Cloud: My SOLDIER instructor wanted to flunk me in junior high…
Barret: Hey, foo's! On December 15, I turned 35!!!
Cloud: 'Cause I Omni-slashed him with the eraser And put hentai of Tifa in my term paper…
Hojo: Shut up, you miserable FAILURE!!!!!!
Seph: Walked into a Kalm club
Had my trenchcoat zipped up
Got kicked out of the kitchen
And drank my gin from a tip cup!!!
Part extraterrestrial, slicing up some pedestrians
With the Masamune, while they scream at me
Clones: Great… Seph…i…roth…
Aeris: Why can't we all be friends?
Seph: Shut up!!! …99% of my life, I was lied to
I just found out my mom kills more people than I do
I always told her I'd grow up to be a famous rapper
Make a record about the Black Materia and name it after her
You knew I'd blow up when the girls rushed the stands
Tried to touch my hands…
Psychotic girls: SEPHY, YOU'RE SO BISHOUNEN!!!!! ^o^
Seph: …Like some crazy Vincent fans.
Vincent: HEY!!!!!
Seph: This guy at White Castle asked for my autograph, so I signed it:
"Yours truly, Sephiroth, the world's biggest @$$hole!"

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!

Seph: Stop the game!!! Cloud Strife needs a working brain!!!
Hojo, don't just stand there, go insane!!!
Hojo: (laughs maniacally)
Seph: I'm not ready to leave, it's too scary to die
I'll have to become one with the Planet and get buried alive
Am I laughing or screaming? I can barely decide
I just drank a quart of my own gin… dare me to drive?
All my life I was very deprived
I ain't had Tifa in years
Cloud: Grrrrrrrr…
Seph: And my clones are too many to hide
Lookin' real tough, like the Incredible Hulk
I laugh when I talk
I slash anything that walks
When I was little, I used to get so angry I'd throw fits
"How you gonna teach me to read, Mom? You're just a head and tits!"
Jenova: Uhhh…
Seph: I lay awake with Tifa in bed
Tifa: Ooooh, slam it to me, Sephy!!!
Seph: Yes it's true, I'm mad
And by the way, when you see my dad
Tell him I found out who he was, in this dream I had
Hojo: *sweatdrops*

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!

Hi! My name is… (who?)
My name is… (what?)
My name is…
(Sicka-sicka) Slim Sephy!!!

(songs done)

Cloud: Sephiroth!!! I wasn't kidding!!! OMNISLASH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: Oh, s**t- (gets his head chopped off)
Tifa: I'm sorry Cloud, I don't know what I was thinking…
Aeris: Too late, silicon queen!!! Cloud's too smart to take you back!!!
Tifa: HO!!! (b***h-slaps Aeris and they fight)
Cloud: STOP IT YOU TWO!!!!!!
Tifa/Aeris: Sorry Cloud…
Cloud: Tifa, I don't think I can forgive you for shagging my arch-enemy. Let's go, Aeris.
Tifa: WHY IS IT ALWAYS AERIS?!?!?!?!?!?!
Aeris: Why don't you go turn some tricks on the corner or something?
Tifa: HO!!! (b***h-slaps Aeris, they rumble again)
Cloud: *sweatdrops*


Anyone else want to get Cloud pissed?