The WOSL Deathmatch title fight night 2!!!
By Watchers Prime and Gamma
Johnny Gomez: Hi I’m Johnny Gomez!
Nick Diamond: I’m Nick Diamond.
Patrick Kisarigi: and I’m special announcer Patrick Kisarigi and this is...
The three of them: THE WOSL DEATHMATCH TITLE FIGHT NIGHT 2!!!
Nick Diamond: We have three new fights ready for you tonight!
Johnny Gomez: Yes we do, but first we would like to say we’re sorry about what happened during the “most annoying, stuck up b***h” fight. For those of you who don’t remember, the match was rudely put to a halt because of this sicko over here *points at Patrick* just had to BBQ Raye Hino in a deep fryer!
Patrick Kisarigi: Well, wouldn’t you be tempted to do the same to that stuck up b***h?
Nick Diamond: Well…. He does have a point…
Johnny Gomez: NICK!!! You should back me up on this!
Nick Diamond: Sorry…
Johnny Gomez: Well, anyway, we have three matches for you tonight. First we have the 2nd try on the “most annoying, stuck up b***h” A three way fight between, Tifa Lockheart, Aeris Gainsborough, and Yuffie Kisarigi…
Patrick Kisarigi: My little sister!
The crowd: *screams in terror!* AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Nick Diamond: If your Yuffie’s older brother, then who the hell did you kick Raye’s a$$?
Patrick Kisarigi: Simple, I’m not a poopy-head, and I actually paid attention in my fighting classes!
Yuffie Kisarigi: *walks up to the stage* You ran away for all of these years, you never been there for me at all! How the hell can you fight daddy didn’t teach you a thing!
Patrick Kisarigi: Well, first off, I was trained by Citan Uzuki on how to use a sword, and I learned to make my foes death funny on my own! Watcher Prime: *from his station* You get the idea on the last names, right?
Yuffie: Well, I don’t think you can beat me and dad in the ring!
Patrick: Alright, your on after the 1st match!
Nick: Does this mean…?
Yuffie: Yes, I don’t want to fight in the 1st match!
Citan: *comes up to the stage* I just wouldn’t be a fair fight without me in this!
Patrick: Lets kick some Wutai a$$ dad!
Kodo: *comes to the stage* You call him your dad!? You have dishonored our family!!!
Patrick: You mean ‘Your’ family, I would never stay in that damn town forever! *flicks off Kodo!*
Kodo: That’s it son! Your dead! *draws out his sword*
Patrick: You’re the one who’s gonna die ‘dad’! *Readies his Z-Saber*
Darth Maul: *comes out to the stage wearing a ref uniform* Quiet and save it for the match!
Johnny: Well… Anyway, we have two more matches tonight…
Nick: The next fight will be a battle royal between the Pokemon and the Umpa Lumpas from ‘Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory’.
Johnny: We all know that this will be a great fight, but to make it even better, we will put them in a back alley and hide weapons of death everywhere!!!
Nick: All of the carnage of a gangster fight right on our TV’s, this is truly the information age!
Johnny: That’s right, and tonight we have a very good main event. Direct from Tokyo, we have a fight of epic proportions, Tenchi Vs Darian!!
Nick: As you remember from last time, Darian was caught by Washu and made into her guinea pig and Tenchi had forced sex with Ayeka, now the two unlucky S.O.B.’s try to get out of their deals in a no holds barred city battle royal!!!
Johnny: Well, our fight match is just about to start. Let’s go to the ring with our new ref, Darth Maul!!!
(At the ring Darth Maul comes in with his theme music ‘Duel of the fates’ Plays on the speakers)
Darth Maul: *gets into the ring* Alright let’s get this started! In the red corner, is the beautiful, bartender who can kick 100x more a$$ than her plastic boob size Tifa Lockheart!!
Tifa: *Comes in to the ring and walks up to Darth Maul* HEY!! These aren’t fake!!! *thinks about what to do …. * Want some of me big guy!? Just give me 10 cents!
Darth Maul: *Force pushes her put of the way* Shut up! In the blue corner, the Sayian’s wife with a green thumb, Aeris Gainsborough!!
Aeris: *floats into the ring* I’m ready to kick some plastic a$$!! *Readies her Princess guard*
Tifa: These are REAL!!!! *is in a fighting stance*
Darth Maul: By the power of the Sith…. LET’S GET IT ON!!
Aeris: You know, your still a good for nothing slut! *jabs the Princess guard in her stomach!*
Tifa: At least I don’t keep my hubby so cold he has to screw me! *fists Aeris in the stomach*
Vegeta: It’s not true honey, I can explain!!
Tifa: HO!!! *b***h slaps Aeris*
Aeris: Double D!!!! *b***h slaps Tifa*
Tifa: Flower pussy!! *b***h slaps Aeris*
At ring side
Red XIII: What the friggin’ hell does that mean!?
Patrick: Here you go *throws Red a Dictionary* Look it up!
Red XIII: Fine! *looks up the words* Oh! Hahahahahahaha!!
While the slapping goes on and on for hours meanwhile around the ring…..
At the bar
Fei: (drinking a ton of beer) He---y!!! It was fun getting Serena drunk and taping you rape her!!! HHIIIICCCCC!!!
Bart: (also drunk) Yeah…. Want to do it again!?
Fei: Hell yeah!! *he was about the get up when…*
Person: Would you like another drink?
Fei and Bart: Alright!!!
Person: Well…. This is all of the info about what happened?
Person: Thank you….*takes the info and picks Bart up*
Fei: You going to get us another drink!?
Bart: Yeah more booze!!
Person: As you wish!! *Dunks Bart’s in a beer barrel full of the booze!*
Bart: *get his final fill of booze… then dies!*
Fei: Hehe! That’s funny!!
The Person reveals himself to be Patrick!?
Patrick: Mission complete! *Heads back to the stage*
At the stage
Nick: Patrick, where the hell have you been!?
Johnny: Yes… That’s what I was going to ask!
Patrick: I was at the john ok? Let’s watch this now ok!?
Back at the ring
Tifa: Ready to give and expect that I’m the better f**ker!?
Aeris: ……… I’m not worried about that now…… I’M JUST VERY PISSED!!!! *Goes Super Saiyan level 2!*
Tifa: Oh my god!!! How the hell could she do that!?
Aeris: Do you think all we do in that room is ‘pleasure night’? THINK AGAIN!!! *Raps Tifa’s neck with her hair and starts slapping her around the ring!*
Tifa: NO MORE!!! I GIVE UP!!!
Aeris: I’m not done with you yet…. Say hello to HELL!!! BIG BANG ATTACK!! *fires it at Tifa*
Tifa: F**K, F**K, F**K, F**K, F**K!!! *gets blown away by the blast!*
Vegeta: *points Pants at Aeris* See that woman? She’s your mommy, soon you’ll know why not to piss her off!
Darth Maul: The winner is Aeris!
At the stage
Nick: That was a weird match….. But Aeris is the winner
Johnny: Yeah… It was enjoyable…. *looks around…* Where is Patrick?
Patrick: *walks to the ring* Let’s get this over with!
Citan: I hear that son!!!
Darth Maul: In the red corner… Hailing form Lanan… Patrick and Citan!!!
Patrick and Citan: *waving at the crowd*
The crowd: KILL THE B***HES!! KILL THE B***HES!!
Darth Maul: And in the blue corner…. Hailing from Wutai… Yuffie and Kodo!!!
The crowd: GET OFF THE RING!!! GET OFF THE RING!!!
Kodo: Well, looks like we’re not the favorites here…. Who cares?
Yuffie: Yeah, let’s lake them!!
Citan: Ready your sword Patrick! *Pulls out the Mumyo Sword*
Patrick: Way ahead of you! *Readies his Z-Saber*
Darth Maul: By the power of the Sith……. LET’S GET IT ON!!!
Citan: Your going down! *Runs after Yuffie*
Yuffie: AHH!! *Runs around the ring*
Kodo and Patrick: Yuffie….. STOP ACTING LIKE A B***H AND FIGHT!!!!
Yuffie: Alright fine!!! *Gets into her fighting stance*
Citan: HAHAHA!! Your dead now!!! *Chops up Yuffie into little pieces* Burn in hell you no-good Wutai slut!!
Patrick: Hmmmm… That gives me a idea!
Just outside the ring..
??????: PATRICK!! YOU FORGET YOUR PBG*!! *Throws it to him* (*a PBG is a heat pistol used in the sci-fi series Babylon 5)
Patrick: Oh? Thanks Serena, I was wondering where I left that behind! *Catches it and blows a kiss to her*
Serena: No problem! *Catches the kiss* What are we going to do for dinner?
Patrick: How about Sukiyaki? *Winks at her*
Serena: Oh! I’ll get things ready! Citan, can you help me out with this!?
Citan: Coming! I don’t want to disappoint! *follows Serena and helps her out*
Kodo: What the hell are they doing?
Patrick: There preparing for this!! *Uppercuts Kodo high into the sky!*
Patrick: *flies up to Kodo* Did that hurt?
Kodo: HELL YA!!
Patrick: GOOD!!! *Pummels him with his fists*
While the beating begins, let’s check at the ring..
Serena: PATRICK!! The Wok is ready!!
Citan: It’s not ready! It needs butter and it needs to be turned on!!
Serena: Oh…. WELL, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR!? GET THIS THING STARTED!!
Citan: Yes ma’am! *turns on the wok and throws butter on it!*
Serena: OK PATRICK!! IT’S READY!!
Kodo: Ready for what?
Patrick: THIS!! *Throws Kodo down to the Wok*
Kodo: AHHH!! THIS IS TOO F***ING HOT!!
Patrick: BUT JUST RIGHT FOR COOKING MEAT!! *Flies down to Kodo* (DO NOT TRY TO COOK A PERSON!!!!!)
Kodo: NO!! NOT THAT!!! YOU WOULDN’T COOK ME!!!
Patrick: *puts on a chef’s apron* Oh really? *Readies his Z-Saber jumps into the Wok and starts chopping Kodo to bits!*
Kodo: AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!! *Dies a ugly death!!*
Patrick/Serena: *Put in the noodles together* MUHAHAHAHA!!!
The Crowd: HUH? WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!?
Serena: Be quiet people!!! Patrick’s making a surprise!!
Patrick: Citan! You may put in the veggies!!
Citan: OK!! *Puts in the veggies*
Patrick: *Cooks them along with the beef and noodles*
A few minutes later….
Patrick: *comes out of the Wok* Who wants Sukiyaki??
The crowd: WE DO!! *Comes down to be served some Sukiyaki*
Patrick/Serena/and Citan: *serve the crowd with their ‘surprise’*
At the stage..
Nick: This is a sickening turn of events! Not only did Patrick kill his own father, he also cooked the body and turned it into a dinner!! I think I’m going to be sick!!
Johnny: Oh! Buck up!! This is the only major death so far! Now shut up and eat you food!! *starts eating his food* Hey! This one hell of a dish!
Nick: Alright…. But I won’t like it! *tries some* HEY!! This is pretty good!! *Eat it whole*
In the stands…
Amy: This food is terrible!! *Throws it out*
Dav: I’ll give that cook a piece of my mind.. *Draws out the Atma Weapon and walks down to the ring*
Amy: BE CAREFUL!!
Dav: I will!!
At the ring..
Patrick: Now that’s over with… Want some honey?
Serena: Yeah, I’m starving! *Digs in to her bowl*
Patrick/Citan: *dig in as well*
Serena: OH! Did you remember to…
Patrick: Get the tape from the perv who raped you? No problem I have it right here! *Hands her the tape* One more thing he’s dead and the only witness was drunk off his a$$!
Citan: HAHAHA! That’s my boy!! You have always picked your battles! I’m proud of you! *Finishes his meal* The meal was great too!!
???: Not to my wife! To her your cooking sucks a$$!
Dav: SORRY AMY, I HAD TO LET HIM KNOW!!
Amy: OK!! JUST DON’T CUSS AGAIN!
Dav: I WON’T!!
Citan: Son, I think now is the time to get out of here!
Patrick: I don’t think so! He thought it was funny to make fun of my cooking!! Grrrr…. *trips him while he’s distracted*
Dav: HEY! Why did you do that!?
Patrick: You want to talk smack about my cooking!? Then bring it on! *Readies his Z-Saber*
Dav: Alright, your asking for it! *Draws out the Atma Weapon*
Serena: PATRICK!! COME BACK TO ME ALIVE OK?
Patrick: Don’t worry, I’ll be back! *charges after Dav with his saber*
Dav: AHHH! *Charges after Patrick with the Atma weapon*
Watcher Prime: Does this look like a Japanese sword duel or what!?
Both of their swords hit each other, then both swords cut each other a bit!
Patrick/Dav: AH S**T!! THAT HURTS!
Serena: *Comes up to Patrick* PATRICK!! ARE YOU OK?
Patrick: Yeah it’s only a flesh wound! Nothing big!
Amy: *Comes up to Dav* DAV!! ARE YOU ALRIGHT!?
Dav: Yeah, just a flesh wound, nothing to worry over!
Serena/Amy: Is it just me, or are Patrick and Dav alike in a lot of ways!? Nope, it’s not that!!
Amy: I just hope Dav can get over this…
Serena: I just hope that Patrick can just calm down a bit…
Patrick/Dav: It is just me, or are Serena and Amy alike in a lot of ways? Nope, that’s not the case!
Nick: Well, it looks like we need to take a break to clean up the ring and get ready for the back alley match!
Johnny: Yeah…. Well, we’ll see you after the break!
Patrick: Good evening, I’m Patrick Kisarigi, A lot must have noticed by now that cooking someone with a giant Wok is something only a fan fic character can do but I do know where you can find stuff for your character’s weapons and prank needs, It’s called…
Ad guy: EARTH WORM JIM’S SUPPLY WAREHOUSE!! WHERE YOU CAN FIND FUN CRAP TO USE ON YOUR FAN FICS AT LOW PRICES! LIKE A COW LANCHER FOR 5000 GIL!!!
Patrick: Uhhh… Yeah, thanks. Well, anyway, Earthworm Jim’s Supply Warehouse can be found in the exact center of the universe!! So you b*****ds can’t find it!! HAHAHAHA!!!!
Back to the show..
Johnny: Well, welcome back to the show, as you can see the back alley is set for our next match
Nick: Yes and Patrick will tell us the rules of the fight!
Patrick: Alrighty then! The rules are simple, there will only be two gangs of 4 in there, 1 human, 3 Umpa Lumpas or Pokemon, if the human dies, or the entire gang dies, the other side wins!
In the alley..
Darth Maul: On one side of the ring, Ash Catchem and his Pokemon team!
The Pokemon gang: *walk out with the theme song playing*
Ash: Ready to fight Pikachu?
Ash: How about you Jigglypuff?
Darth Maul: And now… On the other side of the alley…. The masters of chocolate and hell!! Willy Wonka and his Umpa Lumps!!
The Willy Wonka gang: *walk in with ‘One Who Bares Fangs at God’ theme going*
Willy Wonka: What are we going to do?
Umpa Lumpas: UMPA LUMPA DUPEY DO I GOT ANOTHER PUZZLE FOR YOU!
Umpa #1: WHAT DO YOU GET WITH A LITTLE YELLOW RAT?
Umpa #2: A LARGE GROUP OF S.O.B.’s WHO ARE REALLY GAY!
Umpa #3: WHY MUST THE WORLD PUT UP WITH THEM?
Umpas #1, 2, and 3: WE WILL TAKE CARE OF THAT!!
Darth Maul: Alright. By the power of the Sith…LET’S GET IT ON!!
Umpas: *pulls out a sword, a pike, and a compact bow in respected order*
Willy Wonka: *Pulls out a staff* Alright boys, SICK THEM!!
Umpa #1: *with his sword in hand* Your going down Pikachu!
Umpa #2: *with his pike at hand* Your dead meat Charizard!!
Umpa #3: *with his compact bow at hand* Jigglypuff, you’re a easy target!
Pikachu: PPPIIIKKKAAA!!! *Charges up for a thunder bolt*
Umpa #1: DIE!! *Cuts Pikachu’s head off and blood starts flying everywhere!*
Nick: About time someone was smart enough to kill the fag while he was showing off!
Charizard: RRRAAAAOOORRR! *Performs flame thrower at Umpa #1*
Umpa #1: AHHHHH! *Dies and turns into a bloody heap*
Umpa #2: *sees his former friend die* YOU S.O.B.!!! *starts chopping him up with his pike*
Charizard: CHAAAARRRRR!!! *slowly bleeds to death and dies!*
Johnny: Josh the janitor will HATE THIS MESS!!!
Jigglypuff: JUGGLY----PUFF!!! *Jumps on Umpa #2 to cut off his oxygen*
Umpa #2: *Tries to fight back but dies*
Umpa #3: *Sees Umpa #2 die* THAT’S IT!!! *fires 50 arrows at Jigglypuff*
Jigglypuff: *Expands his size and deflects all of them in to the crowd*
In the crowd
Patrick/Dav/and Citan: DUCK AND COVER!!! *Hides under their seats*
The Crowd: *Does the same and miss the arrows*
Kenny: *Gets hit by a arrow in the leg* HUMP! MUPH!!
Stan: Don’t worry Kenny it hit you in the leg!!
Cartman: OH NO!! *points at Kenny’s leg* The arrow is poisoned!!
Kenny: HHHHHUUUUUMMMPPP…. *Dies*
Stan: OH MY GOD KENNY’S DEAD, YOU POKE-B*****DS!!
At the ring
Umpa #3: Sorry boss, we couldn’t do it!
Willy Wonka: These piles of road kill have gone to far!! *Summons a spell* FLAME WAVE!!
Flame Wave: *goes though the alley burning both Jigglypuff and Ash up*
Jigglypuff and Ash: *dies due to flame wave!*
Patrick/Dav: *after viewing the Pokemons' death* MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *takes a breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Patrick: That was as funny as hell!
Dav: Yeah!! That was so good man!! Where do you kind these people!?
Patrick: I don’t really know!
Dav: Has anyone seen Bart? I haven’t seen him since he went into the bar..
Patrick: Oh…. I killed him!
Dav: *gets out of his chair* WHAT!!!!!???
Patrick: He raped my honey, wouldn’t you do the same!?
Dav: YOU KILLED MY FRIEND!!! *is about to choke him..*
Patrick: *ducks and performs the ‘low blow’ move* That’s gonna be sore! (FYI: The ‘low blow’ is a punch to the nuts charged with magic!)
Dav: (In a high pitched voice) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! *Passes out*
Amy: *runs up to Dav* What happened?
Patrick: He tripped on something and got knocked out…. *looks innocent*
Amy: Alright…. ‘I know he has something to do this!!’
At the stage
Nick: That one hell of a fight Johnny!
Johnny: That sure was! Now for our final match!! Live for Tokyo!! Our battle royal against Tenchi Vs. Darian!! Naturally, We are getting this feed Via Satellite! So let’s get it on!
Darth Maul: You S.O.B.!! You stole my line!!! *carves up Johnny in two with his double edged light saber!*
Nick: HEY!!!! You killed him for no f**king reason!
Darth Maul: You have a problem with that?
Nick: No. Not at all! It gives me more room to move under this god damn desk!
Darth Maul: Well, let’s watch the match now!!
Though the satellite feed..
Darth Maul: (Though a TV) Alright! Darian, Tenchi, You know the rules, last one standing gets out of their problem, we want to see BLOOD!!! By the power of the Sith, LET’S GET IT ON!!!
Darian: Looks like we have no choice.. *Runs after Tenchi*
Tenchi: This is all a misunderstanding!!! *Runs away from Darian*
Darian: *finally catches him by the leg* Got ya! *starts punching the crap out of him*
Tenchi: *throws Darian off* We don’t have to do any of this!!! Both of us can find ways out of our problems without fighting each other!!
Darian: We don’t?
Tenchi: Yeah, we can find other ways out, like you have 4 other girls hanging all over you right?
Darian: Actually 2 girls, but you do have a point, and maybe you can move to the U.S. with me so we can start new lives as singles!!
Tenchi: Yeah! That sounds good! *The two of them shake hands!?*
In the arena..
Darth Maul: What the hell happened here?
Nick: I have no f**king clue!!! We need to fix this now, or we’ll have a riot on our hands!!
In the stands…
Patrick: THAT’S IT!!! I’M GOING TO DO WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE A LONG TIME AGO!!! *Walks off to the parking lot*
Serena: WAIT!! *Runs up to Patrick* If your going to need the tank, don’t you need your buddies to help you?
Patrick: I think two people can drive it! Come on! *Gets into the tank*
Serena: OK!! *Gets into the tank as well*
Patrick: Are you ready?
????: YOU BET!!
Serena: GUYS!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD THE NIGHT OFF!!
?????: I knew something like this would happen!
???????: YEAH! I wanted the piece of the action!!
?????: I wanted to blow something up!
???: I hate being on the sidelines!
????: I wanted some sleep!!
Patrick: CREW SOUND OFF!!!
Herro: Targeting expert, Herro Yuy
Gex: Ammo expert, Gex
Megaman: Cannon expert, Megaman
Sarge: Gun expert, Sargent Hawk
Evil: Tactical expert, Evil the Cat
Patrick: Tank Commander, Patrick Kisarigi
The Crew: LET’S MOVE OUT!! *The tank makes it own way to Tokyo*
At the arena..
Nick: Wait a minute!! I see a tank coming in to Tokyo!! This is gonna be good!!
Patrick: Aim all machine guns at the jerk! LET LOOSE THE POWER OF MACHINE GUNNER MADNESS!!!!
The Crew: YES SIR!!!
Machine Gunner Madness: *lets loose all of it guns at Tenchi*
Tenchi: OWWWWWW!!! *Is blown to pieces!!*
Patrick: NO!!! I meant the other jerk!!
The Crew: We’re sorry…
Patrick: Well, might as well go out and kill him myself!! *Gets out of the tank*
Serena: I’m coming too! *Gets out also*
The Crew: *follows suit*
Darian: YOU!!! You killed Tenchi!!
Patrick: So? He was a dip!
Darian: *transforms into Tuxedo Mask*
Tuxedo Mask: Bring it on!
Patrick: Alright… *readies his Z-Saber and goes after him*
Tuxedo Mask: *starts throwing roses at Machine Gunner Madness and Serena*
Serena: *Gets hit by one of the roses* OW!!! I KNEW YOU WERE A B*****D WHEN I LEFT YOU!!
Tuxedo Mask: What are you going to do now!? I just hurt Serena!!
Patrick: That was a mistake!! YOU MY GIRLFIREND AND MY TANK!!!! *Runs up to him and slices him in two!*
The Crew and the crowd: *cheers insanely*
Serena: *Runs up to Patrick* My hero!! *Kisses him lots*
Patrick: Awwww, Serena. *Kisses her lots*
At the arena..
Nick: Was that interruption of a fight legal?
Darth Maul: According to the by-laws of the WOSL, and I quote: ‘If two fighters enter the ring, they mustn’t find a answer to their problem in any way, expect for violence!’
Nick: If everything is nice and legal, then I’m Nick Diamond!
Darth Maul: And I’m Darth Maul, for everyone at the WOSL, good night, good fight!